


The Reluctant Intern

by GrimWednesday



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Bickering, Developing Friendships, Friends to Lovers, Humor, M/M, No.mercy - Freeform, Original Character(s), Romance, Slow Burn, Some angst, intern changkyun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-29
Updated: 2019-11-28
Packaged: 2020-11-16 13:15:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 40,762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20821556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GrimWednesday/pseuds/GrimWednesday
Summary: Changkyun entering the survival show No.Mercy as a late contestant doesn't go to plan—in fact, it never happens at all due to some unforeseen circumstances. Being an intern for Monsta X is a horrible, stupid idea, but it's Changkyun's only option left to make it as a rapper. It doesn't mean he has to like it, though.“You’re out of your mind. You can’t just ask me to—to… trust Monsta X with my future and hope that by sticking to them like a leech, it’ll all work out!"





	1. Chapter 1

The weather forecast is a fucking lie. 

Changkyun had checked it last night on his laptop, had been glad to see the graphic of the happy little sun shining. According to the weatherman, today was supposed to be a moderately hot, pleasant day. Instead, Changkyun looks at one of the windows of the dance studio and sees the steady drizzle of rain, the complete opposite of what had been predicted.

It just so happens to be the last day of his training—and although that sounds like a good thing, it's quite the opposite.

Only a few minutes prior, a harried middle-aged man that Changkyun recognizes as one of Starships’ higher ups had walked in the room and had broken the news to the five trainees currently practicing. Starship entertainment would no longer be needing trainees for the foreseeable future. With the successful ending of the survival show No.Mercy, the few trainees that had been excluded from the show were now being let go. It makes sense—the trainees should have known as soon as the show was first announced and they were excluded from the show's lineup. 

Still… Changkyun feels minutes away from drop-kicking the man breaking the news, even if he was in no way responsible, so great is the fury rising inside of him. When the man walks away to leave after delivering the sudden notice, Changkyun follows him. 

“Hyung, just let it go,” one of the younger trainees tries to convince him, looking upset but resigned. Changkyun swallows heavily before he shakes off the younger trainee’s arm and keeps walking, out of the practice room and down the hall where the older man continues walking.

“Excuse me,” Changkyun calls after him, increasing his pace as the older man looks down at his cell phone with a grimace on his face. “Excuse me, sir!” 

Somehow, he manages to catch the older man’s attention. Changkyun bows shortly before getting closer to him. “Sir, are you sure… are you sure this is right?” 

The older man sighs, looking sympathetic. “Look, Im-ssi, was it? I’m sorry, I know this news is very unexpected and sudden, but it can’t be helped. Now that No.Mercy has finished airing and the final lineup has been decided, well, to be blunt, we won’t need another boy group for an estimated five or six years. We simply don’t need any trainees right now—”

“You mean you don’t need any _older_ trainees. If we were younger, you’d still keep us around,” Changkyun brazenly interrupts, brows knitted into an angry frown.

The older man shrugs his shoulder. “You’re right, I’m not going to lie. But you’re a good rapper, kid. Don’t worry, you’ll have another chance to debut somewhere else.”

“I just barely joined Starship Entertainment! I’ve only been here a month,” Changkyun tries to argue, voice hitching with desperation. “Starship… Starship is my last chance to make it.”

Maybe that sounds melodramatic, but it’s true. His parents have already warned him that if he doesn’t make it as an idol in two years, they’ll drag him back home and enroll him in college. If Starship lets him go… that’s it. He can kiss his dream goodbye.

“Sorry, Im-ssi. This matter is out of my hands,” the older man says. Less than a second later, he receives a notification on his phone and he reads the text, eyes scrolling back and forth. With a muttered curse, he starts to walk away, faster than before. 

“Sir, please, you can’t. Just give me one more chance—” Changkyun pleads, trailing after him. 

“Kid, I’ve got somewhere to be… damn it, why the hell did they change press rooms?” Looking harried, the older man speeds up and heads for the elevator. Changkyun joins him, breath hitching from exertion. He’s still tired from dance practice and his knee is acting up because of the weather. 

“I’ll wait, however many years it takes—” Changkyun starts, feeling desperate.

The older man opens his mouth to respond but his phone rings, interrupting the start of what would probably be yet another refusal. “Seulgi-ah? What’s going on? I just got your text about changing locations for the press conference.”

“Jinyoung-ssi, I don’t know what to do—the translator can’t attend! He broke his leg on the way to his car!” The female voice on the other end of the phone call is obviously panicked. Changkyun doesn’t want to listen in to the phone call, but he can’t help it, being in such close quarters with the older man as the elevator goes up to another level.

“What?! Shit… Well, do we really need him? There’s only going to be one magazine there that’s covering this in English.” The older man, Jinyoung, rubs the bridge of his nose in frustration. 

“Well yes, but the magazine reporter’s an American and his Korean isn’t the best. I’ve seen his previous interviews. He relies on a translator too much.”

“Why the hell did we invite him, then? Do we have another translator? Do you know anyone that can fill in?”

“Not-not really. I think our intern Dongwoon knows a little English… but not enough to translate for a press conference! Especially since this is supposed to last an hour,” Seulgi admits softly.

“Damn it… Seulgi, I’ll be there in just a few minutes. Hold on.”

After the phone call ends, Changkyun debates speaking up and pleading his case once again but the older man’s obvious agitation makes him rethink that idea. He’s already annoyed the man enough, he doesn’t want to be escorted out of the building. 

Still, when the elevator dings and opens up to a new floor, Changkyun follows behind Jinyoung for lack of ideas. If he can wait for whatever press conference the older man is attending to be over with, he can try and speak with him then. He’s not giving up so easily.

A professionally dressed woman is waiting for Jinyoung near the doorway of one of Starship Entertainment’s press rooms. Seulgi, presumably. The younger woman is biting her cherry-red lips in worry. 

“Jinyoung-ssi, you’re here!”

Changkyun strays further back from Jinyoung as he converses with Seulgi in a whispered hush. Changkyun shouldn’t be here, he’s an intruder, and the nicely dressed reporters and camera men entering the press room make him feel so inadequate that he wants to go hide. He’s still in his practice clothes, a loose white t-shirt and a pair of gray sweatpants. Apart from feeling out of place, his clothes give him away as not belonging even more so.

Changkyun turns to go and is almost all the way back to the elevator, dodging a smart-looking female reporter, when he hears his name being called.

“Im-ssi, Im-ssi, come back here!”

Changkyun turns around and blinks in confusion, meeting Jinyoung and Seulgi’s eyes from down the hall. He points at himself as if to say, _who, me?_

Jinyoung waves his hand, beckoning him forth and Changkyun quickly runs back to the older man, feeling foolishly hopeful.

As soon as he gets close to Jinyoung, the older man places his hand on his shoulder and stares at him. “Im-ssi—no, Changkyun, right? You know English, is that correct? Didn’t you live in the United States for a couple of years when you were younger? I remember seeing that on your profile when you were accepted as a trainee.”

Changkyun doesn’t know what to say. It’s true, he spent his youth living in the United States before his parents returned to live in Gwangju, his actual birthplace. Even though it’s been close to twelve years since he lived in the states, he can still speak English moderately well. Changkyun’s not stupid though, Jinyoung is not magically offering him another chance at being an idol because he can speak English. No, the older man is simply desperate because the translator cancelled and he needs someone to take his place. Still, that would give him another chance to stick to Jinyoung for a longer period of time, and if he can talk to him after the press conference is over… 

“Yes sir, I can speak English,” Changkyun quickly replies and before he can even finish that sentence, Jinyoung is already patting his shoulder in sheer relief, looking glad.

“Okay kid, I need your help. You’re going to translate for a magazine reporter. Seulgi-ah, give him some clothes to change into, his training clothes stick out too much.”

“I don’t know where—” Seulgi starts before she quiets down, pensive. “Yeah, I know where to get him a pair of clothes. Thanks Jinyoung-ssi, I’ll take care of this. You can go ahead, it looks like a majority of the reporters are here.”

Jinyoung thanks the younger woman before he turns around to enter the press room. Changkyun is left staring after the older man and Seulgi smiles apologetically at him before she gestures for him to follow her. 

“Sorry to have this thrust on you so suddenly, Im-ssi. Please follow me so we can get you properly dressed,” Seulgi says, walking away from the press room and heading down the hall. Changkyun isn’t familiar with the building in general, but he’s never been to the third floor since he’s had no reason to. He follows the younger woman through the twisting hallways until they arrive at a nondescript looking door. Seulgi opens the door and beckons him inside, and Changkyun finds himself in the middle of a room buzzing with stylists and makeup artists, as well as countless other Starship staff.

Changkyun doesn’t recognize anyone except—sitting in front of the makeup counter, Chae Hyungwon looks up and blinks, a makeup artist standing right next to him painting the lightest shade of blush on his cheekbone. A couple of chairs away from Hyungwon, Lee Hoseok is in deep discussion with another makeup artist, pointing at a glittery makeup palette and enthusiastically trying to convince her of something.

In the corner, Changkyun spies who he knows to be Lee Jooheon and Song Gunhee fooling around with each other, chattering non-stop and smiling. Lee Minhyuk is eating lunch on the table in front of them, picking out radishes out of a salad and loudly complaining about vegetables in general. Only minutes later, Son Hyunwoo and Yoo Kihyun walk out from another door on the opposite side of the room, both adjusting their clothes. Hyunwoo walks past Kihyun and numerous other staff until he can sit next to Hyungwon, where someone almost instantly starts to style his hair. 

“Jinhee noona, the shirt is too big. Isn’t it kind of hanging off me?” Kihyun asks a nearby stylist, who looks away from a clipboard to glance at him. She laughs, covering her mouth with a perfectly manicured hand.

“Sorry Kihyun, I must have made a mistake when I grabbed your shirt, that’s actually Hyungwon’s shirt for the radio interview tomorrow.”

“Noona, you didn’t do it on purpose, right? You look like you’re enjoying yourself too much,” Kihyun grumbles and the stylist noona, Jinhee, laughs even harder.

Changkyun steps back, feeling overwhelmed. He’s seen the other men—no idols, he quickly corrects himself—before. It’s hard to miss the hype around the final winners of No.Mercy, and he can’t deny that he’s watched all the episodes of the show. He knows all of them, though they don’t know him, and maybe it’s the fact that they’re actual idols now but it feels weird to be in the same room as them. Maybe, just maybe, it stings just a little because he’s essentially been fired from the company, and yet they’re just starting out their careers as idols.

“Im-ssi,” Seulgi calls out to him and Changkyun snaps out of his dazed state, walking closer to the pretty brunette who quickly gets the head stylist’s attention.

“Jinhee, this is Im Changkyun. Our translator cancelled, and he offered to step in. Could you get him an outfit? I’m sorry it’s so last minute.”

Jinhee looks him up and down, and her fierce stare makes him want to disappear. Standing in front of the head stylist in his workout clothes makes him feel like pure garbage and he contemplates running out of the room. 

“I don’t have any spare outfits, unless… Well, Im-ssi appears to be around Kihyun’s size. I’ll get Kihyun’s outfit for tomorrow’s radio interview, I’ve got it in the van… Dongwoon, Dongwoon, come here,” the stylist briskly asks and a younger man with glasses stands up from one of the chairs, munching on a bag of pretzels.

“Yes, Jinhee noona?” The younger man, Dongwoon asks. 

Jinhee grabs the packet of pretzels out of his hands and throws them to Gunhee, who quickly catches it. “Stop eating, Dongwoon, you dummy. Go get Kihyun’s shirt and jeans for the radio interview, they’re in the van. You remember how the clothes are sorted, right?”

Dongwoon nods quickly, looking chastised, and follows Jinhee’s orders as he leaves the room in a rush.

Jinhee turns to look back at Changkyun and twists her mouth in contemplation. “Why are you so sweaty Im-ssi? Did you run here or something?”

Changkyun opens his mouth but he doesn’t know what to say. How should he respond to that? _Sorry I’m so sweaty, I was just having dance practice with the rest of the trainees half-an-hour ago?_ Hell no, he doesn’t want to oust himself as a trainee when everyone probably already knows that the trainees have been let go from the company as of this morning. He doesn’t want Jinhee’s pity or anyone else’s as a matter of fact, because he can’t deny that he’s captured the whole room’s attention by now. Even the new idols are staring at him in curiosity while they get ready for the press conference and the attention is altogether unwelcome.

“I—” Changkyun starts to say, a lie already on his lips, when Seulgi thankfully interrupts.

“Im-ssi was working out at the gym when I called him to take over for the translator. He hasn’t had a chance to freshen himself up,” Seulgi explains, biting her lip softly and glancing at Changkyun, probably noticing how uncomfortable he feels. Changkyun inwardly reminds himself to buy her some flowers. Well, maybe not flowers. He doesn’t want to make it seem like he’s hitting on the older woman. Maybe a cup of coffee...

“Ah, sorry to be so intrusive Im-ssi, but you’re very sweaty. I can’t have Kihyun’s clothes getting dirty,” Jinhee says bluntly. “Go hit the showers, and be back in five minutes. Dongwoon should be here soon with the clothes—just try not to stain them. In fact, don’t drink anything that’s dark colored during the press conference, stick to water.” With that matter settled, Jinhee walks away and heads over to Hyunwoo, pulling a belt from one of the clothes racks and handing it to the older man.

Minutes later, Dongwoon returns with the clothes, looking out of breath from running. Seulgi takes the clothes from the intern and hands them to Changkyun, explaining where to find the showers and urging him to hurry up and come back once he’s dressed.

Changkyun leaves, sparing one last glance at the busy room and its inhabitants, unintentionally catching Jooheon’s intense gaze. It leaves him feeling flustered for some reason, though that feeling fades as he walks through the twisting hallways by himself wondering what the hell he’s gotten himself into.

Once he’s finished showering, he quickly dresses and returns to the waiting room, feeling his damp hair dripping down the back of his neck. Even before he can approach Seulgi and tell her he’s ready to go, Jinhee grabs him by the shoulder and steers him to a chair next to Hyungwon, nodding at the female stylist who looks up from neatly arranging her brushes. 

“Brush and dry his hair, please.”

“I don’t need—”

Hyungwon’s arm reaches out to stop him from talking, looking amused.

“Im-ssi, right? Just a fair warning, please don’t talk back to Jinhee noona or she’ll make your life a living hell.”

Jinhee cackles at Hyungwon’s words, but she doesn’t deny the statement, simply moves on to yet another task. 

“Ah, thanks,” Changkyun belatedly replies, looking down and trying to avoid the vocalist’s gaze.

“Sure...” Hyungwon replies, and seems to hesitate as if he wants to add something else before he stops himself.

Hyungwon seems to realize that Changkyun doesn’t feel like talking because he simply smiles before turning to speak to Hyunwoo.

Changkyun overhears the vocalists’ conversation, feeling the nervousness in their chatter as they try to distract themselves from thinking about the upcoming press conference. It must be their first press appearance since No.Mercy ended just a day ago, and the whole room feels abuzz with the new idol’s nerves and their playful chatter.

Changkyun does not belong here, like at all. Even wearing Kihyun’s clothes and with his hair being straightened and styled, he can’t help the innate desire to run away, far from this room. Why did he agree to this thing in the first place? 

It’s too late to run away though, as soon as Changkyun’s hair is dry and styled, he stands up and heads for Seulgi and she smiles at him, admiring the outfit on him before she leads them both out of the room and back to the press room. 

“Im-ssi, the clothes look good on you,” Seulgi admits and Changkyun tries to hold back a snort. 

“Seulgi-ssi, that’s kind of cruel of you,” Changkyun adds in softly. “I was just let go this morning. I’ll probably never be able to wear idol clothes ever again.”

Seulgi stumbles, and she looks back at him, looking beyond apologetic. “Oh, I’m so sorry. I apologize for saying something so careless. I almost forgot you were a trainee.”

“That’s nice, I wish I could forget too,” Changkyun mumbles and then he feels bad as he notices the woman’s upset expression. “Don’t worry about it, I’ll get over it soon enough.” He won’t, but she doesn’t need to know that.

Seulgi doesn’t have enough time to respond even if she wanted to because as soon as they arrive at the press room, they see a blond haired man near the doorway, obviously American. 

Seulgi talks them through the introduction, stumbling with her greeting in English. Changkyun takes over for her, and introduces himself as a translator and the man smiles in return and speaks a little about the magazine he’s with, sharing that he’s excited to be a part of the press conference.

After the introductions are over with, they sit near the middle of the room and Changkyun settles in to wait for the start of the conference, feeling nervous but confident as the American man asks him a few questions about the No.Mercy contestants. The questions are simple and luckily enough, Changkyun knows the answer to most of them, such as the contestants’ ages and the proper way to write their names in English.

Soon enough, one of Starship Entertainment’s higher ups stands in front and reveals the official name of the group, Monsta X, before he welcomes the members to the front of the room where a table with seven chairs and microphones awaits them. Changkyun translates the proceedings in English for the reporter, speaking in a moderate low voice so that he doesn’t draw attention to himself and interrupt the idols speaking.

Changkyun watches the seven new idols as they look around the room and smile for the cameras, answering any questions that the reporters ask and offering their opinions of the final episode of No.Mercy, all of them expressing their gratefulness for having made it to the very end. 

Changkyun can hardly stand to watch, feeling jealousy burning a hole in his stomach. He tamps down the feeling and continues translating until finally, the press conference is over. While Monsta X takes even more press photos, Changkyun thanks the American reporter for coming to the press conference, exchanging small pleasantries until the reporter finally leaves. When Changkyun is finally done, he hunts down Seulgi and finds out that Jinyoung is already gone. 

“Sorry Im-ssi, Jinyoung left to go to a meeting with upper management. He’ll probably be busy for the rest of the day.”

“Please, can I speak to somebody else?” Changkyun finds himself asking, hating how desperate he sounds. “I-I can’t just leave like this…”

“I—I don’t really know. I’m sorry, I’m only Jinyoung’s assistant, I’m afraid I can’t be of much help,” Seulgi answers. A staff member waves at Seulgi from across the hall, trying to get her attention. She turns back to look at him and bows, looking apologetic. “I’m sorry, I’ve got something to take care of. Thank you so much for your help with translating, Im-ssi.” 

Changkyun chews on his bottom lip and sighs. “No problem. I guess I should get going before the rain gets any heavier outside.”

“Yes, of course,” Seulgi frowns apologetically and seems to hesitate. “Im-ssi, if I were to offer some advice… be sure to return tomorrow.”

Before Changkyun can inquire further, the older woman waves before she leaves to tend to her other duties and Changkyun is left to stare at her retreating back with a confused frown.

“Excuse me,” an amused voice inquires and Changkyun spins around, surprised. Lee Minhyuk and Song Gunhee are a few feet away from him and Minhyuk smiles at him before motioning behind Changkyun. “Sorry, Im-ssi. You’re blocking the doorway.”

Changkyun glances around himself and realizes that Minhyuk is correct, without realizing it, he’d stepped in front of the door. Changkyun moves out of the way quickly, feeling stupid. “Sorry, my fault.” 

Out of the corner of his eye, he catches sight of the rest of Monsta X coming closer and without saying anything else, Changkyun walks away from the group, purposefully getting lost in the midst of reporters and staff until he reaches an empty staircase. Heaving out a deep sigh, Changkyun quietly collects himself as he tries to catch his breath. A few minutes later, he finally leaves the the Starship Entertainment building, feeling completely lost. 

+

The day after his training is terminated, Changkyun wakes up past noon with a killer headache and a hangover from hell. After throwing up last night's dinner and swallowing some painkillers, he forces himself to get ready. Even though he’d much rather drown his sorrows in cheap beer once again, he can’t laze around all day. He needs to go return Kihyun’s outfit to the main stylist, and he also needs to go clean out his locker in the training room. 

Seulgi’s advice to return to Starship the next day had filled him with hope, but only when he was blind drunk and foolishly optimistic. Now while he’s actually starting to recover from last night’s epic bender, Changkyun’s got to admit to himself that there is no way in hell that Starship will let him stay as a trainee. Nothing he says or does will make the higher-ups change their minds.

The whole thing is stupid—it’s really stupid, because why would they pick up his contract from Special K Entertainment only to let him go barely a month later? Changkyun had finally accepted that Nu’Bility was a failure, but when he started at Starship, he’d been so damn excited. And now… Well, now he’s fucked.

Trying to ignore his depressive thoughts, Changkyun chugs down a glass of water and grimaces at the sour taste in his mouth. He brushes his teeth and swishes mouthwash but he still feels like throwing up.

After spending a few minutes trying to will away the nausea, Changkyun puts on a random pair of jeans from the floor and digs through his closet for a plain gray shirt, throwing it on. He grabs a pair of oversized sunglasses and a black mask to cover his face, not bothering to put on makeup because he could honestly care less. 

Changkyun absentmindedly stuffs Kihyun’s clothes into a cheap plastic bag and finally leaves the small apartment, wondering if his roommate will be pissed at the beer bottles he leaves behind, scattered all around the floor of the living room. Oh well, that’s a problem for later when he’ll hopefully be less hungover.

The car ride to Starship takes him close to twenty minutes. He’s lucky he’s got his brother’s old car, else he’d be stuck riding the bus everyday. Having a beat up old car—well, that’s about the only good thing Changkyun has going for him right now, and the thought is pathetic enough that he contemplates swerving into traffic for half a second before his sanity returns.

When Changkyun finally arrives at the building, he walks in and waves to the security guard who he’s gotten to know in the short amount of time. Luckily, he’s not stopped by the heavy-set man which means he hasn’t been barred from entering the building, at least not yet anyway. Changkyun takes a detour to the third floor first and drops off Kihyun’s outfit with one of the stylists, passing on his thanks to Jinhee before he leaves. Even though he feels like hell, it’s not hard to miss that something is going on. He passes by several staff and he can’t help but to overhear their conversation. 

“—shik hyung has only been their manager officially for a couple of weeks and it looks like he’s already starting to get gray hairs. Those kids are something else,” a stylist says and the person trailing behind her hums. 

“Well, they’re excited. I can’t blame them. Still, if we don’t find them, who knows what Jinhee noona will do. They haven’t finished dressing up and getting ready. They’re going to arrive late to the radio show at this point.”

“She’ll kill them if they don’t appear soon,” the stylist laughs, shaking her head in font amusement. 

Changkyun walks past the gossiping pair and takes the elevator to the first floor. He walks past the cafeteria and several recording rooms, past the gym and the showers, and finally arrives at one of the training rooms, the one he got to use for all of a month. After he checks his locker—empty except for a single picture of him and his family which he quickly stuffs into his wallet—Changkyun gets the distinct urge to throw up again. The room is hot too, the damn AC had never quite worked properly in the training room. Instead of risk throwing up on the floor, Changkyun sits down on one of the padded seats near the wall and slowly sinks back, inwardly grateful when the room stops spinning. He’s still tired, so he closes his eyes and tells himself that he’ll get up in a few minutes and finally leave the building for good. Just a few minutes… just a few…

A loud snort echoed through the room and Changkyun startles awake, groaning slightly before finally opening his eyes. His sunglasses are askew so he reaches up to fix them, muffling a yawn behind the mask covering his face. A second later, he nearly falls out of his seat once he realizes that there’s someone staring at him, only a few feet away. 

“What the—” Changkyun starts, only to quickly shut up once he realizes who’s in the room with him. Monsta X. Of course, as if his day couldn’t get any worse, now he’s been caught sleeping off a hangover in front of Starship’s new idol boy group.

“Ah, sorry Im-ssi,” Kihyun says through a small smirk, backing away a few steps. “We didn’t mean to wake you up.”

Changkyun stares in confusion, ignoring Jooheon, Gunhee, and Minhyuk’s guffawing laughter in the background. The others are obviously amused, but at least they have the decency to be quieter about it. 

Changkyun sits up quickly and his head starts pounding with renewed vigor at the sudden action. “Fuck, my head,” Changkyun groans, feeling dizzy. “Shit, I’m going to throw up.” He gets up and staggers past a surprised Kihyun and Hyunwoo, trying to reach the trash can on the opposite side of the room.

“Whoa, wait,” someone frantically interrupts as they clutch onto his forearm, trying to steady him. Hyungwon runs for the trash can and returns just in time, placing the basket in front of Changkyun just as he tears off his face mask and leans over, spewing bile. As one, the others back away, letting out sounds of dismay (and one excited, high-pitched laugh—probably Gunhee, he seemed the type). 

Changkyun doesn’t give a crap anymore, he kneels on the floor and cradles the basket in his arms, emptying his stomach once again. Once he’s finally done, he looks up, saliva trailing from his chin, and finds that he’s being stared at by seven idols. Seven hot idols (hey, he’s not blind – he can admit to himself that he’d date every single one of them if given the chance). If he can just keel over and die now, that would be great.

“Im-ssi, you’re crying. Are you okay?” Hoseok asks, and Changkyun groans once again, which makes the idols back away in unison, as if they were afraid to get too close to him in fear of getting spewed on. Fair enough, Changkyun would have the same reservations if their positions were reversed.

“I’m fine, I’m just dying a little bit inside,” Changkyun grunts out, voice scratchy and rough. He wipes the saliva trailing from his mouth with the sleeve of his shirt. “Totally normal, happens every Wednesday.” 

“Okayyy….” Hoseok trails off, looking a little bit lost at what to say next. Changkyun snorts at the older man’s obvious awkwardness.

“Seriously, just give me a few minutes and I’ll be fine.” After he stops getting the urge to gag, Changkyun rises from the floor and staggers away from the group, heading for the door.

“Wait—where are you going?” Jooheon asks and Changkyun blearily turns back to look at him, noticing the concerned look on the other’s face.

“Bathroom.”

Once he actually manages to find the closest bathroom, Changkyun spends a few minutes washing his face and rinsing out his mouth with water. Once he feels moderately more human, he leaves the bathroom and turns left, intending to go far, far away from the training room, only to come face to face with Jooheon and Gunhee. 

“Im-ssi, your phone fell out of your pocket. It’s in the training room,” Jooheon tells him with a sweet smile. Gunhee nods in unison, as if confirming Jooheon’s words. 

Changkyun stares at them behind his sunglasses. Couldn’t they have just brought him the phone if they were going to wait outside of the bathroom for him? Shaking his head at the weirdness that the other two are exuding, Changkyun reluctantly turned around to head back to the training room, finding that Jooheon and Gunhee go to stand right next to him, sandwiching Changkyun between them. 

Ignoring the tingle of dread racing down his spine, Changkyun enters the training room once again and finds that he must have missed a few things earlier. The other members of Monsta X are seated on the floor in a messy circle and scattered around the center are boxes of fast food and snacks, as well as a small cake sitting in the very center.

Kihyun looks up at him with a fried drumstick in his mouth, glancing at him wearily as if he was afraid Changkyun would take away the chicken. Next to him, Hoseok and Hyungwon stop fighting over jumbo fried shrimp and stare at him as well, looking equally as wary. The two idols exchange a glance before they start eating faster, speeding up their chewing. Hyunwoo simply looks at him and bows his head apologetically right before he stuffs his mouth full of noodles. 

“Look Im-ssi, don’t get upset that we’re eating fast food,” Gunhee says, wrapping an arm around his shoulder. “It’s not fair, you know. We’ve been kept so busy that we haven’t even gotten a chance to celebrate the fact that we won No.Mercy, yet.”

“I haven’t even gotten a chance to call my mom,” Jooheon adds in, wrapping himself around Changkyun’s forearm and dragging him forward at the same time that Gunhee does, practically forcing Changkyun to sit down in the messy circle. 

Changkyun restrains the urge to rolls his eyes. Seconds later, he realizes that he’s wearing sunglasses so it doesn’t matter either way, so he rolls his eyes to his heart’s content. He only wishes he had their problems. When he goes back to his apartment, he’ll have to choose between moving back in with his parents and admitting defeat, or to keep lying to them for another two years while he searches for another entertainment company to accept him (never mind that he’s applied to all of them already, before Special-K and then Starship finally accepted him).

Instead of spewing out his own problems, just like he’d done with the contents of his stomach, Changkyun simply huffs. “Where’s my phone?” 

Seated across from him, Hyungwon bites his lip, looking hesitant. “It’s probably in your pocket. These two idiots lied to you so you wouldn't run off and tell on us.”

“I’m sorry if we’re being so forceful, but please don’t tell anyone where we are just yet. We just need a breather,” Hyunwoo adds in softly, handing him a drumstick with a hopeful look on his face.

Changkyun stares at Hyunwoo and the older man stares back, and eventually the idol’s heavy gaze is too intense to bear.

“Might as well,” Changkyun sighs before he takes the drumstick and starts eating. Changkyun doesn’t even want to think about how he came to be sitting with Monsta X while they have their covert celebration for winning No.Mercy. He doesn’t want to think about the fact that seven hot idols have seen him in various shameful states. Feeling a sudden flash of embarrassment, Changkyun adjusts his dark sunglasses and grimaces at the pounding in his head before steals Gunhee’s cup of noodles and starts gorging himself. Despite his embarrassment, he’s hungry as hell, probably caused by the fact that he’s thrown up several times.

Realizing that Changkyun isn’t going to leave the training room and rat them out, the others start to chatter among themselves as they slowly relax and enjoy their celebration. Hoseok is the first to take the plastic cover off the cake before he starts cutting it into equal slices. Kihyun hands him cheap foam bowls and Hoseok finishes plating the cake slices before he hands them out, even extending one piece to Changkyun with a sheepish grin. 

“Take it, Im-ssi,” Minhyuk cajoles him with a happy grin and Changkyun relents, taking the piece of cake and glancing at the confetti on top. Exhaling softly, Changkyun secretly glances from one idol to another. Their happiness is contagious, and he can’t help but feel bad that he’s intruded in this special moment. He’s an outsider, he definitely shouldn’t be here.

After swallowing a few bites of the cake, Changkyun sighs and licks icing off the corner of his mouth. “Congratulations,” he murmurs softly, managing to catch the group of idols off guard. “I forgot to say that yesterday. You guys… you guys deserve it. I know you’ll be amazing.”

Hyunwoo, Kihyun, and Hoseok grin in response and Hyungwon looks down as if embarrassed by the nice words. Minhyuk, Gunhee, and Jooheon cheer at him, offering various words of thanks and appreciation, and Jooheon even reaches for a high five which Changkyun obliges with slight amusement. 

Once he finishes the slice of cake, Changkyun puts the empty bowl down and stands up, groaning near silently as his knee protests the action. “Well… see you around,” he murmurs as he starts to leave the room and almost instantly, he finds himself being dragged down once again, this time by Hoseok who looks extremely apologetic as Changkyun lands heavily on his ass.

“Sorry! I’m so sorry, Changkyun hyung! Would you mind staying a bit longer? We’re not ready to leave for our schedule yet.”

Changkyun gapes at him, pain in his rear momentarily forgotten. Changkyun… _what? _What the hell did Hoseok just say?

“What the hell did you just call me?” Changkyun frowns in clear disbelief. “Did you just...”

Hoseok grimaces in apology. “Sorry, I should have asked for permission first. Is it okay if I call you by your first name, hyung? You can call me Hoseok.”

Changkyun stares at Hoseok and then glances at the rest of Monsta X. Seven pairs of eyes stare back. What the hell is going on? Changkyun takes off his sunglasses, only so he can rub at his exhausted eyes. 

“Hyung, your eyes look really red. Were you really crying earlier?” Kihyun asks and Changkyun ignores him for the sake of his sanity, quickly putting the dark glasses back on while his tongue presses against the inside of his cheek in annoyance.

“We were thinking of going to get coffee from the cafeteria before we leave for our schedule. Would you like to join us, hyung?” Minhyuk adds, sending him a sincere, pleading glance.

Changkyun opens his mouth to correct them about the hyung thing—I mean, really? It’s kind of insulting that they automatically think he’s older simply because of his face. Then he remembers the commotion in the halls earlier, with the stylists talking about the members unknown whereabouts. 

“No, no way in hell. Are you being serious?” Changkyun growls, “I went to return Yoo-ssi’s clothes earlier and the stylists are looking for all of you! You—you _idiots_ are going to be late!” 

Changkyun should probably restrain himself from referring to the seven idols by any insulting names considering he hardly knows them, but in this case, he just can’t help himself. It’s the truth.

“We won’t be late, well, maybe just a few minutes… but we just needed to get a way for a bit. We woke up at three a.m. this morning for a photoshoot,” Minhyuk explains quickly, sounding slightly panicked.

Changkyun can’t help the slight hiss that escapes him. Three a.m.? How barbaric, he can’t even imagine. His anger simmers down considerably and he chews on his lip. “That really sucks, I mean it, but isn’t this your first public appearance since No.Mercy? Your fans are waiting outside of the building to try and catch a glimpse of you, you can’t disappoint them.”

The idols stay quiet and Changkyun enjoys the silence for the short moment it last, feeling an irritating stab of pain behind his eyes. Sunlight is pouring in through the windows and it’s making his persistent headache even worse.

“Im-ssi’s right,” Hyunwoo easily agrees, offering Changkyun a guilty glance. “We should have finished eating and left to get ready a good half hour ago. We should go get ready.”

The rest of the members grumble but they acquiesce to their leader, and soon start putting the room back in order, throwing away the leftover trash and quickly backing away from the trash can. Changkyun grimaces at the reminder that he defiled the poor basket earlier.

Feeling out of place once again as he watches the idols clean up, Changkyun stands up silently and edges toward the door to sneak out, not even surprised when an errant hand stops him, gripping the back of his jacket. He turns around and glares at the one responsible. 

“What is it, Yoo-ssi?” Changkyun grits out and Kihyun quickly backs away in apology, bowing politely.

“Sorry hyung… but I thought you said you returned my clothes for the radio interview later today. Aren’t you wearing my jeans?”

Changkyun glances down at the medium wash jeans. Kihyun’s actually not lying, Changkyun had somehow managed to put on the wrong pair of jeans this morning. Restraining the urge to facepalm, Changkyun purses his lips. “Sorry, I must have gotten confused this morning when getting dressed.”

“Ah, of course,” Kihyun easily answers. “It’s not a big deal, hyung, why don’t you just come upstairs with us so that we can switch clothes?” 

Before Changkyun can even begin to protest, Jooheon wraps an arm around his shoulder and Gunhee locks arms with him as they both begin leading him to the elevator down the hall with the rest of Monsta X following, muffling laughter and whispering quietly among themselves. 

The elevator ride is… interesting. The elevator is wide but even with all of the extra room, the members of Monsta X are rowdy in the enclosed space. Hoseok randomly starts dancing the choreo of their upcoming debut single and Hyunwoo and Gunhee follow, spreading out and trying to sync up with each other. Hyungwon leans against the wall and watches them, laughing when they manage to make a mistake. Jooheon is chatting to Minhyuk about something—Changkyun’s not exactly sure what, but he hears the word pajamas, naked, and whipped cream, and those words separately, never mind together, scare him enough that he selectively tunes out of their conversation for his own sanity. Jooheon still hasn’t removed his arm from around his neck, and it’s driving Changkyun slightly crazy. 

Everything feels so surreal, suddenly. Changkyun’s standing in the middle of the elevator with seven idols which he’s been admiring for several months now (he’d started watching No.Mercy from the very beginning, after all, even before he joined Starship). It’s getting harder to deny that they're even more handsome in person, and even the faint scent of Hoseok’s cologne is starting to make him feel slightly dizzy with how good it smells.

Fanning his face slightly, Changkyun looks away from the idols in front of him, accidentally locking eyes with Kihyun who is standing near the elevator buttons. The older man is smirking the slightest amount, the corner of his mouth lifting up, and the sight shouldn’t fill Changkyun with even more dread, but it does. Why the hell does the vocalist look so smug?

Suddenly, the elevator groans and sways ominously, lights flickering briefly, and Changkyun goes tumbling forward into Hyungwon while Minhyuk and Jooheon let out frightened shrieks in the background. Grunting from the impact, Hyungwon holds him up with both arms, and Changkyun groans at the sudden motion, feeling sick all over again. Barely a second later, the elevator resumes rising to the third floor without a hitch, doors opening like normal. 

“What the hell was that?” Hoseok asks, and the others start talking all at once, complaining. 

“Okay, seriously, we all need to get out before this damned contraption falls down or something. I’ll tell Hongshik hyung about it and hopefully they’ll check it out later,” Kihyun says, stepping out. 

The others follow quickly and Changkyun can’t help but stagger out, holding a hand over his mouth and swallowing thickly. He feels slightly nauseous again, and Hyungwon must realize it because he wraps an arm around his waist to support him.

“He’s going to erupt again,” Hyungwon warns, sending the others into another bout of panic as they try to search for the nearest bathroom, scrambling around like chickens with their heads cut off.

Changkyun snorts despite the churning in his stomach. “What am I, a volcano?” he grumbles and pulls away from Hyungwon to fan his face again, feeling hot all over. “I’m fine, I’m fine. Let’s just hurry up so I can give Yoo-ssi his jeans back.”

The others look doubtful and they stare at him for a few seconds but when Changkyun huffs and walks forward on his own, they reluctantly follow. When Changkyun opens the door from yesterday, he’s not surprised to find it abuzz with stylists and staff.

“Yah, where have you idiots been? You’re late!” Jinhee grits out, pointing at Jooheon and then to a chair. “You, hair. Hyungwon, Kihyun, go get changed! Hyunwoo, you’re missing your cap, did you lose it again? Gunhee, makeup, now!”

Within minutes, Monsta X starts to get ready in a flurry and Changkyun finds himself being dragged to the dressing room by Kihyun, who shrinks down and tries to avoid Jinhee’s notice as he walks past her. Naturally, it doesn't work.

“What are you doing, Kihyun-ah?” the older woman asks with a no-nonsense voice and Kihyun stops and smiles nervously.

“Noona, you remember that Im-ssi borrowed my clothes yesterday? Well, he got mixed up this morning and he’s accidentally wearing my jeans again. I was just taking him with me so we can switch clothes...”

Jinhee glances at Changkyun and purses her mouth. “Fine, but hurry up.”

Kihyun quickly nods and leads Changkyun to the changing room. Hyungwon’s already inside, and he merely shares a commiserating glance with them before he finishes buttoning up his long-sleeved shirt. When the tall idol unzipped his pants in preparation to change into a pair of black skinny jeans, Changkyun abruptly turns around and gulps audibly, feeling flustered. Kihyun hands him his own pair of pants—he must have taken them from the plastic bag Changkyun dropped off earlier with the stylists—and Changkyun quickly unzips as well, taking off Kihyun’s jeans and handing them to the changing idol before he puts on his own pants and quickly escapes the changing room with a muttered _sorry_.

As soon as he leaves the changing room, Jinhee calls him over to the other side of the room. “Come here, Im-ssi.” Changkyun reluctantly walks forward until he’s in front of the main stylist who is sitting down on a plush sofa, carefully watching the proceedings happening around her.

“Good afternoon, Jinhee-ssi,” Changkyun greets politely, looking down to avoid her gaze. Even though he’s not a sweaty mess from dance practice this time, he still feels like garbage in front of the main stylist. 

“Call me noona, and sit down, kid,” Jinhee orders and Changkyun glances up at the stylist, puzzled. She doesn’t offer any explanation so he gingerly sits down on the same sofa, a generous distance away. She grumbles something underneath her breath before she leans forward to pluck the sunglasses off his face, and her lips twists into a frown. “You look like hell.”

And for the life of him, Changkyun doesn’t know how to shut up when the time calls for it, so he just smiles mockingly. “Thanks, noona. It’s so nice of you to point out the obvious.”

Jinhee actually laughs. “Brat.” Exhaling softly, she quietens down and glances at him again. “I was talking to Seulgi last night, after the press conference ended. She told you me that you’re one of our trainees… well, _were_ one of our trainees.”

Changkyun looks away from the pretty stylist, trying not to show a reaction though unable to help the way his jaw clenched tight. He didn’t want anyone else to know, damn it. Why was Seulgi talking about him, anyway? 

“Don’t get angry, kid. She just told me the situation, and I did a little digging myself.” Jinhee sighs and then rubs her forehead, as if contemplating. “Look, Starship fucked up real good, I’m not going to lie. It’s... extremely cruel for them to let you go, not even a month after you joined us. You know why they’re letting you go, though, right?”

Changkyun swallows hard and nods. “Jinyoung-ssi explained that Starship Entertainment won’t need trainees for five or six years since Monsta X is debuting. Even if I do stay with the company until then, I’ll be too old to debut.”

Jinhee huffs. “Not that, even though that part is true. It all boils down to that circus of a survival show. You know why they didn’t let you join No.Mercy, right?”

Damn it. Changkyun feels his stomach churning as Jinhee continues to speak, bringing up things that he’d rather not think about.

“Trust me, it doesn’t have anything to do with you personally, it was that damned article that leaked out and the backlash from the fans—”

“Jinhee noona, I know,” Changkyun roughly interrupts. “I know why I wasn’t included in No.Mercy, and even if I had been able to join the show, there was no guarantee that I would win. I know, noona, I know. Please don’t spell out all the gory fucking details—” Changkyun abruptly stops talking, wincing at the fact that he’d cursed in front of the older woman. “Sorry, I just…”

“Aish, don’t apologize kid, I know you’re mad as hell,” Jinhee waves off his apology and sighs. “I would be too. Now listen, what are your plans? What are you going to do now?”

Changkyun stares at the floor and tries to force down the panic because he doesn’t want to think about it. _What can he do? _Changkyun’s dream has been carelessly destroyed in one day and he’s still struggling to think about his future. 

“Drink until I forget,” Changkyun laughs deprecatingly. “And maybe after that, I’ll find a real job. To be honest, I don’t know and I really don’t care right now.” 

“Shit, this is seriously depressing me,” Jinhee grumbles, rubbing the bridge of her nose. “Look, I was talking with Seulgi and… I have an idea. And you’re going to absolutely hate it, but I need you to think about it first before you decline the offer.”

“What are you talking about, noona?” Changkyun grumbles, crossing his arms.

“Listen...you might still get a chance to sign on to Starship. It's… a long shot, but I think it might be possible, if I can just pull some strings. Of course, you’ll owe me big time, but we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.”

Changkyun blinks, feeling numb. “Are you propositioning me? I’m sorry, but I’m not willing to have sex with you in exchange for a favor. I’m not that fucking desperate.”

Jinhee’s eyes turn slitted and she flicks his forehead, looking angry. “Don’t be a dumbass, I would never do that! You’re like ten years younger than me, why the hell would you… ugh, seriously kid, you’re messed up right now aren’t you, how did you even misinterpret my words so wrongly? ...I _meant _you might have another chance at becoming a rapper if you stay at Starship as a staff member. As a matter of fact, since Monsta X is so new, they don’t have set staff. Starship’s newest idol group could undoubtedly use an intern to help out with all sorts of random tasks.”

“Wha—” Changkyun chokes on the saliva in his mouth and instantly rises from the sofa, nearly stumbling over his feet in his haste to leave the room. Jinhee stands up and quickly catches up to him, but instead of stopping him, the stylist grabs him by the scruff of his jacket to get him to slow his pace before she continues walking to the door, dragging him behind while seven stunned idols watch the proceedings with wide eyes. 

“Noona,” Hoseok interrupts, “Where are you taking him? What’s going on?”

“Don’t worry about it, we’re just going to the cafeteria to get some coffee,” Jinhee answers, weaving past a stunned Dongwoon. 

“I can get it for you, noona,” the nervous intern mutters but Jinhee ignores him, gripping tighter to Changkyun’s jacket who is still futilely trying to escape from her. 

“I’ll see you later, my little idiots,” Jinhee cheerfully says as she walks past Hyunwoo and Minhyuk in the middle of having their makeup retouched. “Oh, and for running away earlier, I’m going to dye your hair whatever color I want tomorrow. Don’t even try to offer any suggestions because I won’t listen.”

Gunhee curses under his breath, and Kihyun quickly elbows his side to shut him up. “That sounds perfectly reasonable and not vindictive at all. Thanks noona!”

Jinhee scoffs at the obvious sarcasm before she continues dragging Changkyun out of the room and the rooms’ inhabitants are left to stare at each other in collective puzzlement. 

“What the hell did Im-ssi do? I’ve never seen Jinhee noona dragging somebody by the scruff,” Dongwoon says with an awed whisper. 

The makeup artist fixing Minhyuk’s eyeliner snorts at the awed statement. “Oh, you sweet summer child. The things I’ve seen…”

+

Changkyun glares at his cup of coffee and taps his fingers on the table. Seated across from him, Jinhee opens another sugar packet and adds it to her coffee, stirring it in. 

“Don’t be sulky, Changkyun-ah, it doesn’t become you.”

“I don’t want to be an intern,” Changkyun grits out. 

“You’re not even thinking about the offer beyond the fact that it’s not what you want to do right now. You need to think about the opportunities that it will open up for you in the future—”

“I don’t want to be an intern!” Changkyun repeats, forcefully.

“Damn it, stop interrupting me,” Jinhee growls, throwing a sugar packet at Changkyun’s chest. “You’re lucky you’re so fucked up right now, otherwise I’d throw my coffee at you.”

“Are you sure you’re older than me?” Changkyun snaps back.

Jinhee laughs and looks away, rolling her eyes. _“You’re just like my bratty little brother,” _she mumbles under her breath. “Think about it, Changkyun. You’ve tried to apply to other entertainment companies and you haven’t had any luck. If you stay here at Starship as an intern, you’ll get the chance to learn more about making music, especially if you stick with Monsta X. You’re not dumb, you know that Jooheon and Gunhee are_ good_ rappers. They also have more technical experience than you when it comes to actually producing tracks and you can learn a lot from them.”

Changkyun chugs his coffee and hisses when it scalds his tongue. “That’s assuming they’ll actually teach me. Why the hell would they even care enough to teach an intern anything about music?”

Jinhee takes a careful sip of her coffee and savors the taste, humming. “I’ve known them for years longer than you have. If you sincerely ask for help, they will offer it freely. They may be fierce rappers on stage, but they’re not assholes, you know. They love music and rapping, and anyone who shows interest in their passion is bound to get on their good side. Besides… I’ve seen you rapping, kid. I saw the video you submitted when you applied to Special K and Starship. If you show Jooheon and Gunhee even a quarter of the passion you displayed back then, you won’t have to worry about asking for their help, they’ll offer it anyway.”

“What if I tell them everything but they won’t help me, anyway? If they find out I nearly entered No.Mercy and threatened one of their spots… they won’t be so forgiving,” Changkyun murmurs, briefly remembering Jooheon and Gunhee’s expressions earlier in the day when he’d congratulated them for winning.

Jinhee stays silent, gathering her thoughts. She taps her fingers on the table as she contemplates. “I don’t actually know how they would react to finding out. But even… even if that does happen, it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t have to be Gunhee and Jooheon who take you under their wing. If you stick with Monsta X, you’ll get to meet a lot of other people in the industry. You’ll get to know and work with sound engineers and music producers, and other rappers too. I’m sure it’ll work out, one way or another.”

Changkyun swallows hard because the idea is actually starting to sound appealing. He forces the foolish hope in his heart to quieten down, forces it deep down and tries to think practically. It won’t work. It won’t. “You’re out of your mind. You can’t just ask me to—to… _trust_ Monsta X with my future and hope that by sticking to them like a leech, it’ll all work out.”

Jinhee groans and throws the coffee stirrer at him. “Of course it sounds bad if you say it like that. It’s not like you’ll be asking for help with nothing in return. Being an intern is just another job, Changkyun-ah. You’ll be worked hard, trust me. If you think it sounds like you’re using them… well fix your guilty conscience by letting them use you too. Be a good intern. Help them and support them, and it’ll even out in the end, don’t you think?”

“I don’t want to,” Changkyun groans, being purposefully difficult. “I hate them.”

Despite his vehement denial, Jinhee seems to realize that he’s actually thinking about the offer. She grins, and swallows the rest of her coffee. “Be here early tomorrow, and don’t even think about getting wasted again or I’ll gut you.”

“I haven’t accepted,” Changkyun reminds her, looking surly.

“...And make sure you shower and wear cologne too, you smell like sadness and death,” Jinhee continues on, purposefully ignoring whatever he says. She reaches into her slim pocket book and takes out a small mirror so she can check her lip gloss, getting rid of a tiny smudge on her bottom lip that resulted from drinking coffee. 

“Noona, you’re insufferable,” Changkyun accuses, glaring at the stylist. 

“Tell me something I don’t know.” Jinhee stands up and straightens her pencil skirt, waving a hand at him as she walks off. “See you tomorrow, kid.”

As soon as she’s gone, Changkyun loses his stiff posture and surreptitiously bends down to sniff at the collar of his shirt, trying to smell himself. He smells like beer and old socks, with the faintest scent of vanilla cake. Nearly gagging at the offensive scent, he grimaces and looks away, feeling repulsed by himself. 

Suddenly remembering that he’d been in such close quarters with Starship’s newest idols, he feels a wave of embarrassment so strong that he stands up and practically flees the building like a bat out of hell, getting into his car and driving off to the store to look for soap and perhaps a bottle of holy water to get rid of the unholy stench.

When a red light stalls him on his way back home, he stares at the traffic light, unblinking. He’s not going back tomorrow. He’s not. He’s not doing this, it’s so stupid. 

“Not a chance in hell,” he murmurs to himself and when the red light transitions to green, he floors it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why am I so obsessed with No.Mercy fics? Smh ಠ_ಠ


	2. Chapter 2

Being an intern for Monsta X is a horrible, stupid idea. It’s a horrible, stupid idea, yet for all of his fervent self-denial about accepting Jinhee’s absurd proposition, Changkyun finds himself waking up at five in the morning the next day and he’s out of the apartment twenty minutes later, freshly showered. Jinhee never told him exactly what time to be there or where to go when he arrives, so Changkyun is doubtful and nervous when entering the Starship building. He waves to the security guard like usual, and goes to the third floor but finds that the room he’d started getting used to is now empty.

“Fuck,” Changkyun murmurs to himself, wandering down the hall and looking into rooms as he passes. Most of the rooms are empty so early in the morning and Changkyun has no way of communicating with Jinhee, so he goes back down to the first floor and goes to the cafeteria, intent on hunting down something to drink if nothing else. The cafeteria is open, miraculously, and Changkyun takes one of the sweet breads and a boxed milk from the line and goes to sit by himself in the corner of the large cafeteria. 

Feeling ridiculous, Changkyun eats and takes out his phone, scrolling through twitter. 

“Im-ssi, I’m glad you’re here,” a voice interrupts and Changkyun startles, jumping in place. He turns around and finds himself looking up at the intern, Dongwoon. The bespectacled man grins warmly as he sits next to Changkyun. 

“Noona said you’d be starting as an intern today. I’m so glad that you’re joining the team… I was starting to get lonely, seeing as I’m the only intern right now.” 

Changkyun blinks. “Dongwoon-ssi, right? Good morning… and how did you know I would be down here? I didn’t even… I didn’t even tell Jinhee yesterday whether I was accepting the job or not.”

“Just Dongwoon is fine, or you can call me hyung,” the older man says, then abruptly starts to laugh. “Sorry, but Jinhee’s already got you pegged down. She told me you’d be around here somewhere, probably wandering around the first floor. After you’re done eating, I’ll take you to HR so you can fill out the paperwork and all that jazz. It shouldn’t take too long.” 

Despite Dongwoon’s assurance that the process won’t take too long, Changkyun can’t help but wonder if they’ll conduct an official interview before they actually offer Changkyun the job. The random thought makes him snort and he accidentally swallows his milk wrong, the liquid going down the wrong pipe. Changkyun instantly coughs, quickly waving away Dongwoon’s concern as he beats on his chest in a futile attempt to get rid of the discomfort. He swallows more milk quickly, feeling stupid as Dongwoon stares at him, hands hovering. 

“Are you okay, Changkyun-ssi?” 

“Ch-Changkyun is fine… and yeah, I’m okay,” Changkyun bites out softly, voice slightly rough. “I think I’m done with my breakfast… I’d rather not die before six in the morning because of _milk_.”

Dongwoon laughs. “That would be rather tragic. If you’re ready, we can go,” the older man offers, quickly getting up and leading the way to the HR department. 

Changkyun already knows where it is considering he’s already been there once before, but he doesn’t mention it to Dongwoon. Changkyun doesn’t know what Dongwoon knows about him. Does the older man know that he’s one of the trainees? … Well, _was_ one of the trainees. The thought of the other intern knowing makes his stomach twist in knots but even after a nice HR woman greets Changkyun with familiarity and ushers him into her office, Dongwoon simply smiles and sits down on one of the chairs in the waiting area, telling Changkyun that he’ll wait for him until he’s done.

If Dongwoon knows that he used to be a trainee, he makes no indication of it and Changkyun’s secretly glad.

Later, after Changkyun’s signed away his soul to be Monsta X’s new intern, he leaves the office and walks over to the other intern.

“So… what do we do now?” Changkyun starts, trying and failing not to sound nervous.

Dongwoon grins brightly in response. “Well, you’re in luck. Today happens to be Monsta X’s first official music show recording! ...It’s going to be _hell_.” 

Dongwoon laughs loudly at Changkyun’s expression and although Changkyun can’t exactly place the emotion evident on his own face, he knows it’s definitely not joy.

“Well, to be honest, most of the Monsta X staff isn’t here, they’re at the music show venue already. They got an early start, I think they were packed and ready by four this morning. Now that you’re ready to go, we’ll head over to the venue as well.”

Changkyun simply nods in response to that, unsure of what to say. He feels conflicted as he follows Dongwoon outside to the intern’s own car, where they both pile in and start the drive. Although he’s barely met the older man, the intern is very talkative and fills the silence of the car with idle chatter as he comments on the events of the morning so far. 

In no time at all, both interns arrive at the building and they enter through the back, going up several floors until they finally arrive at the correct waiting room.

“Get ready,” Dongwoon comments mischievously, a small smirk on his face. He opens the door and the mere sound is enough to make Changkyun back away slightly, eyes wide.

The staff is in chaos… organized chaos, in a way, because everyone seems to know exactly what to do except for one poor stylist chasing a pacing Minhyuk around the room, trying to steer him to the seats in front of the long mirror. 

The group must have done a round of pre-recording already because all of the idols are drenched in sweat. Minhyuk’s got napkins plastered all over his face, except for his eyes, and Hyunwoo skips the napkins and goes straight for a towel to wipe away the perspiration drenching his whole body.

Kihyun is sitting down one of the seats near the wall, staring at the TV monitor to the side where he can see the artists currently on stage as they practice for their upcoming performance. Hoseok is sitting next to the main vocal, eyes closed and looking asleep as he leans back against his seat. The only obvious sign that he’s awake is the nervous drumming of his hands against his thighs, a nervous tick that seems to annoy Kihyun judging by the way his stare keeps straying from the monitor to Hoseok’s drumming fingers.

Hyungwon is seated in front of the mirror, murmuring assent when a makeup noona asks him a question. He’s looking at the TV monitor as well, flicking his gaze to it in apprehension before he turns back to look at the mirror with a slight frown.

Jooheon and Gunhee… well, they appear to be in some kind of serious discussion with the manager, looking at the older man with serious, steely gazes. If it wasn’t for the fact that Changkyun can overhear snippets of their conversation, he’d think they were actually discussing something serious instead of trying to convince Hongshik into letting them eat lunch early.

“—e don’t eat soon, we’ll starve. Is that what you want, Hongshikie hyung? Do you want Gunhee to pass out in the middle of the recording?”

“It’s barely six in the morning, Jooheon-ah,” Hongshik wearily responds, sounding tired. “And besides, I distinctly remember Gunhee scarfing down several muffins this morning before we left the dorm. I really don’t think he’ll pass out from hunger any time soon.”

Jooheon is momentarily dumbfounded, staring at Gunhee with slight betrayal in his eyes. All too soon, he turns to glance back at Hongshik. “Well, what about Hyungwon? Just look at him! He’s a stick! If he doesn’t eat soon, he’ll disappear.”

Hongshik opens his mouth to respond, before he seems to think better of it and simply pats Jooheon on the shoulder before he turns around to speak to another member of the staff.

Jooheon looks sulky at being ignored and he glares at Gunhee as they both go to sit down next to Hyungwon. “Why didn’t you share your food?” the dimpled idol grumbles and Gunhee slowly blinks.

“I was hungry and I didn’t want to share,” the rapper reveals shamelessly. “Sorry. I’ll make it up to you later.”

“How?” Jooheon stubbornly responds and Gunhee suddenly starts grinning, looking slightly mischievous.

“You’ll see.”

Changkyun starts to wonder exactly why Jooheon’s face starts to turn red but he’s distracted by a sudden nudge on his elbow. Changkyun flinches and turns to stare at Dongwoon, finding the older man glancing at him with obvious amusement. “You ready?”

Changkyun turns back to glance at the room as a whole and the chaos within. He hesitates on the threshold of the room before he abruptly nods in response and follows Dongwoon into the chaos. 

+

Changkyun’s secretly glad that nobody really pays attention to him as he slips into the room behind Dongwoon. He feels like he’s somehow in the way because he has no idea what the hell to do, but Dongwoon takes pity on him and gives him small tasks, mostly out of the way of the busy staff. He ends up sorting clothes, double checking a list of all of the outfits needed for today because after the music show recording, there’s a fanmeeting right after followed by yet another radio interview.

Changkyun makes sure that each outfit is labelled appropriately for the right person, making sure that they’ve packed away Jooheon’s hat and Hyungwon’s weird leather shorts as well as Hyunwoo’s bright blue shirt for the music show. He checks for Minhyuk’s cable knit white sweater for the radio show and frowns at the note beside it, with the name of an address and date and time listed. Equally weird is Gunhee’s dark shirt with badges or something that also has an address and date listed. Changkyun makes a mental note to ask Dongwoon about the addresses later and focuses on the clothes in front of him, wholly dedicated to the task. 

The outfits… leave something to be desired, and he inwardly wonders if Jinhee’s a quack. He’s not given much time to doubt the stylist because she arrives as if summoned by his traitorous thoughts, coming to stand next to him and ruffling his hair in silent greeting. 

“Boys, come here,” Jinhee loudly commands as she gently takes the list from his hand, quickly double checking it. Changkyun stares at his empty hand before he quickly gets out of the way as the idols gather around Jinhee. 

“You’re late, hyung, why didn’t you wake up early like the rest of us?” Minhyuk teases as he bumps Changkyun’s hip.

“I’m not—” Changkyun tries to say before Kihyun interrupts. 

“Don’t be rude!” Hyungwon hisses under his breath, smacking Minhyuk’s forearm. “Just ignore him, hyung,” Hyungwon sagely whispers to Changkyun. 

“Here, Hyunwoo-yah,” Jinhee interrupts, pulling a bright blue shirt from its hanger and handing it to Hyunwoo, followed by a pair of dark leather pants. Hyunwoo takes the clothes and murmurs a polite thanks before he leaves to go change once again. Jinhee hums as she grabs the next item, a bright red jacket paired with a gray shirt which she quickly hands to Kihyun. After handing Hyungwon his outfit next, Jinhee’s gaze flicks up and darts to Jooheon and Gunhee.

“Changkyun-ah, help Jooheon and Gunhee with their outfits and their accessories.”

“I—” Changkyun stutters and Jinhee simply glances at him, eyes challenging. “Okay.”

Changkyun tries to keep his discomfort to himself as he helps the Monsta X maknaes, who are both still older than him. They’re obviously nervous, especially Gunhee, who chatters to Jooheon and Changkyun incessantly as he waits for Changkyun to finish clasping the clunky bracelet on his wrist. 

The idols are tense because they have a little under half an hour until they go on stage—a proper stage, not that awful elimination stage, like No Mercy—and it definitely shows. After Changkyun gives Jooheon a pair of diamond earrings to wear, he steps back and out of the way and watches the idols leave the room in a weird sort of haze, excited, nervous, and in Hyungwon’s case, looking like he was minutes away from throwing up.

Changkyun watches Monsta X’s first music show performance on tv, the dramatic jail bars rising and the loud sound of the fans cheering for the new idols as they start dancing perfectly in sync. Despite their nervousness, all seven idols perform like professionals, moving into each formation smoothly and staring at the camera confidently. The first performance is perfect, and Changkyun ignores the hot burning feeling in his chest, feeling all kinds of despair that he futilely tries to keep hidden. 

“Go get some fresh air,” Jinhee suddenly interrupts, lightly slapping the back of Changkyun’s neck. Changkyun doesn’t even bother questioning the older woman, he just slinks off and leaves the room, wandering around the building until he finally finds a secluded spot next to a vending machine. He gets a can of coffee and chugs half of it in one go as he leans against the wall. 

Normally at this time, he’d be in the practice room, either practicing choreo for their weekly evaluations or he’d be writing lyrics or practicing his rap… but instead, he’s here, tossed aside and forgotten about, a lowly intern that was as far away from being an idol as could possibly be.

Snorting softly to himself at the fate that had befallen him, Changkyun side-steps an idol group, bowing politely as he passes by. He chugs the rest of the coffee, along with his bitterness, and forces himself to walk back to the waiting room. 

When Monsta X comes back to their waiting room, it’s with giddy smiles on their faces, dripping sweat and fanning themselves while they recount the events on stage.

Hyungwon tripped apparently, but he’d passed it off so well that nobody had noticed it apart from the Hoseok and Minhyuk. The members tease the vocal while they dry themselves off and prepare for the ending stage. Things are calmer now, after the performance and Changkyun helps Jinhee take out the clothes for the fansign while the idols take a well-deserved break.

Later, when the show is finally over, the manager Hongshik takes a group picture—the first of many—and Changkyun watches from the sidelines, hands itching with the need to do something but he’s not sure exactly what.

Instead of thinking any more about it, he continues to shadow Dongwoon, learning about each task that the older man is assigned to do because he’ll have to do the same, soon. A lot of it goes over his head, there’s too much to remember and it feels overwhelming all at once. 

The first day is a whirlwind, and it passes by in a flash between the first music show recording and the fansign that follows. Changkyun finds himself dazed in a way, and it’s not until hours later when he’s packing away a box full of gifts that Monsta X had received from their fans that he finds himself alone for the first time in what seems like hours. Taking the opportunity to take a breather, he leans against the van and sighs deeply, hand reaching for his phone buried in his hoodie pocket. He pulls up his messages and finds himself searching for the group chat for his old teammates, Nu’Bility. He hasn’t spoken to them in months but he suddenly gets the wild urge to send a message, just to see if anybody would actually respond. It’s not like they parted on bad terms, but it feels awkward anyway. 

_I don’t know what I’m doing… _he finds himself typing, staring at the words on the screen. Somehow, he can’t make himself send the message even after minutes pass and the sky continues getting darker outside. 

“Are you okay? You look like you swallowed a lemon,” Dongwoon suddenly says, and Changkyun glances up at the older man as he opens the van to put away another box full of gifts.

Changkyun’s not sure what to say, but his first instinct is to apologize. “I’m sorry I’ve been so distracted the whole day, hyung,” he murmurs with an apologetic tone.

Dongwoon closes the van once again and faintly smiles at Changkyun. “It’s okay, I was just teasing. I don’t expect you to be happy about your first day being an intern. This whole situation blows… I can’t blame you for being upset.”

Changkyun doesn’t say anything, but he finds his shoulders raising unintentionally. So Dongwoon _does_ know that he used to be a trainee… damn it. 

“Don’t sweat it, Changkyun-ah. I just happened to hear Jinhee and Seulgi talking yesterday, but I promise that I won’t tell anyone else.”

The older man looks like he’s being honest at least, and Changkyun nods in understanding. Absentmindedly, he glances back down at his phone and hits the back button until the words disappear and then stuffs his phone back in his hoodie.

“Well, the fansign is almost over with. They shouldn’t need us for the radio show, so we can go ahead and head out if you want. Are you hungry?”

He’s starving actually, and Changkyun eagerly nods as he follows Dongwoon back to his car. “Are you sure it’s okay if we just leave?”

“Yep, I already told Hongshik hyung and Jinhee noona. Let’s go eat some grilled samgyeopsal or something. You like samgyeopsal, right?”

Changkyun smiles for the first time in what seems like days. “Yeah… yeah, I like samgyeopsal, who doesn’t?”

Dongwoon grins back and ruffles his hair before he turns on the car and they make their way to the restaurant. 

It’s their first dinner together after a long day of work, and it probably won’t be the last either. Changkyun’s uncertainty starts to fade after a few beers, and he grins when the older man asks where he got such a convincing fake id. 

“It’s a secret,” Changkyun whispers loudly and Dongwoon laughs, throwing a napkin at his face. 

“Everything about you is a secret, it seems like.”

Changkyun swallows a laugh and takes another gulp of beer, though he doesn’t deny the sentiment.

He’ll probably regret going on another drinking binge tomorrow morning, especially since he has to wake up at four in the morning tomorrow. 

Oh well… that’s a problem for his future self.

+

“Fuck, I hate myself so much,” Changkyun grunts the next day as he walks back and forth between the Starship building and one of the vans, where he’s helping Dongwoon pack away the supplies needed for today’s music show recording. The clothes racks are heavy, and so are the makeup bags. He feels like his head is splitting at the seams but he has no one else to blame but himself. 

“Yah, Dongwoon you dummy, I told you to take him out to eat yesterday, not to get him drunk. Now he’s going to be a mess the whole day,” Jinhee says as soon as she sees him. 

Changkyun hasn’t had the chance to even taste the cup of coffee he grabbed from the cafeteria earlier before Jinhee takes it from him and starts drinking it.

“That’s mine…” Changkyun grouses, though he makes no move to take it back. 

“Shut it, brat, this is your punishment for getting drunk yesterday. _Again,_” Jinhee gripes as she swats the back of Changkyun’s head.

“_Fu_—” Jinhee’s eyes practically burn a hole into the side of his head. “_Freaking_ ouch, that hurts,” Changkyun corrects himself with a low hiss under his breath and Jinhee snorts as she walks a few feet away to help another makeup artist get ready for the day.

Swallowing an annoyed grunt, Changkyun returns to his current task of taking out the overflowing trash can. It’s… not the best thing to do at the time, considering the smell is enough to make him feel sick. Regardless, this is his job after all. Apparently.

Changkyun takes the stairs to the first floor, simply because he doesn’t want to offend anyone else with the smell of trash. The next thing he knows, Gunhee accidentally runs into him and sends him sprawling into the stairs behind him.

“Shit, sorry! I didn’t mean to!” Gunhee apologizes, trying to stifle a laugh. Naturally, the rest of the members are only a few steps behind Gunhee and they start crowding around Changkyun as they take in the sight of his slumped form.

“What did I ever do to deserve this?” Changkyun grumbles under his breath and Kihyun laughs, followed by Minhyuk who looks entirely too cheerful at being awake so goddamn early in the morning.

“You look like death warmed over, hyung,” Jooheon snickers, pushing Gunhee out of the way so he can ogle at Changkyun better. “Did you go drinking again last night?”

Changkyun sighs and doesn’t even try to get up from the stairs, just slumps into the concrete steps and groans, not bothering to respond. Why does he keep running into them at the worst possible time? 

“Hyung… you shouldn’t drink so much, it’s bad for your liver,” Hyungwon abruptly scolds him through deeply furrowed brows.

Changkyun snorts and looks up, belatedly taking the hand that Kihyun offers to help him up. He rises unsteadily and then sighs. “Although it might sound like I'm lying, I don’t actually drink that much,” Changkyun tries to defend himself, brushing away dirt from the seat of his pants. “The last few days have been… an exception.”

Perhaps he shouldn’t have said anything, because his feeble defense makes the idols look more interested, and he catches Kihyun’s questioning look, as well as the subtle glance he exchanges with Hyunwoo. 

“Why, is anything wrong—” Jooheon starts to say and Changkyun coughs exaggeratedly. 

“Wow, look at the time… I should go, I have to go do this _super _important thing,” Changkyun monotones as he dodges past Jooheon and Kihyun and continues walking down the stairs once again, trash bag held firmly in his hand.

“Hyuuung! Come back,” Minhyuk shouts loudly and Changkyun purposefully ignores him as he keeps going down and flight of stairs until he finally makes it to the exit.

Unfortunately, it seems that he can’t shake off the idols from coming up to him at random times during the day and Changkyun doesn’t understand_ why_. He understood it the first few days, they’re still new to the whole business of being an idol and maybe meeting their new intern had been exciting that first and second day, but even after a whole week passes, Changkyun finds that they won’t leave him alone no matter how much he brushes them off.

Today, he’s following them around the fourth floor of the building, holding two stacks of signed albums in his arms while the new rookie group goes around offering their debut album to other artists and music show staff, bowing politely and introducing themselves properly. Which is fine—it’s totally fine. It’s not like he hates meeting new people (he does), but even after his arms are empty and he heads down to the building’s cafeteria to get coffee for the rest of the Starship staff, he finds himself being followed by the idols. 

He endures the trip in silence, ignoring the playful chatter and horsing around that follows behind him while he quickly and efficiently orders enough coffee for twelve people.

“Can I have a caramel macchiato?” Hoseok asks with an angelic smile, and Changkyun bites his lip and shakes his head no in response.

“Please, hyung, I’m sleepy,” Hoseok insists and Changkyun stiffens even more at the honorific. 

“You can’t,” Changkyun manages to say carefully, forcing his body to relax by sheer will. “You go on stage in less than half-an-hour and drinking coffee now will only make you jittery. Just drink some water, Hoseok-ssi.”

“That’s not true! I can handle it,” Hoseok murmurs through a sulken pout. “And stop calling me that hyung, just call me Hoseok.”

Changkyun ignores him and hands over the money for the coffee to the cashier. 

Behind him, Hyunwoo snorts. “You know he’s right, Hoseok-ah, you don’t need an adrenaline rush right before the stage recording,” the older man says, and pins Hoseok with an arched eyebrow.

“Fine,” Hoseok groans, and looks away from the counter with a sudden air of disinterest, looking sulky. 

Hyungwon and Jooheon look through the display case of desserts and sandwiches and Changkyun tries to swallow the guilt. It’s not his fault that the group is prohibited from eating before a performance. It’s really not his fault and no matter how many times Gunhee sends him a pleading glance, he’s not going to back down.

Later, when they’re exiting the van right outside of the venue for a scheduled magazine interview, Changkyun bumps into Hoseok, purely by accident. After murmuring an apology, he glances down at the coffee in his hand and scrunches his nose slightly. “Do you want it, Hoseok-ssi? The barista made it too sweet for my taste. It tastes like garbage to me, but you might like it.”

Hoseok glances at him in confusion. “Okay? Are you sure? I—”

Changkyun grunts before pushing the cup of coffee into Hoseok’s chest, forcing the older man to quickly take the coffee or risk spilling it on his designer shirt.

“If you don’t like it, just throw it away,” Changkyun murmurs before walking away to join Dongwoon up front with the rest of the stylists. 

Hoseok glances down at the full cup of caramel macchiato in his hands, the corner of his lip curling up at the grumpy intern’s blatant lie.

+

“Hyung,” Gunhee says, sounding distracted and Changkyun inwardly flinches at the honorific before he turns around. 

“Please call me Im-ssi,” Changkyun says, ignoring Gunhee’s loud guffaw at the suggestion, “And what are you doing here, aren’t you on in like, five minutes?”

Gunhee bites his lip before he suddenly smiles, all teeth. “My sleeve ripped.” He shows it off to Changkyun, dangling the fabric in front of him, spinning it around and around.

“Fuck,” Changkyun says, dropping the clipboard in his hand and grabbing the rapper’s hand, dragging him all the way back to the dressing room. 

“Hyung, it’s okay, I think we’ll make it. Don’t worry so much!” Gunhee tries to assure him, trying to hide his laughter at his flustered nature.

“Shut up, Hongshik hyung will kill me if you’re late. Pick up the pace, you idiot!” Changkyun growls, nearly bowling over another idol and quickly apologizing in a hurried bow before continuing to Monsta X’s dressing room.

They do make it, but the music show’s stage manager gives them a nasty glare as Gunhee quickly slides into position right before the music starts. Changkyun stays behind to apologize to the staff, and nearly breaks his neck as he repeats the same bowing motion, again and again, listening to the stage manager’s unimpressed rant about tardiness.

On the ride home later that night, Changkyun settles into his seat and sighs as Dongwoon turns on the radio as background noise. “You okay, Changkyun-ah? You had it rough today, I heard Hongshik talking about that ass of a stage manager reaming you out.”

Changkyun shrugs as he glances out the window. It’s nearly midnight and he’ll have to be up in less than four hours. He’s so tired he just wants to go home and fall asleep, wants to forget about that asshat from earlier and the righteous anger that Gunhee had accidentally incited over a wardrobe malfunction that was completely not his fault.

“I’m fine, it’s not like I care that much that he yelled at me, it’s just… did you see the way he treated Gunhee after the recording? He didn’t have to berate him in front of their fans, what an absolute jerk.”

Dongwoon sighs, and nods in agreement. “Poor Gunhee. Hopefully that jerkwad will have forgotten about the incident by their next recording, otherwise the group’s going to have a bad time.”

Changkyun bites the inside of his cheek in anger, and silently fumes. 

When they finally get to the Starship building, Dongwoon and him make quick work of unloading the van and bid each other good night. It’s only when Changkyun’s finally at home and under the covers that he notices that he has a new message on his phone. When he checks it, it’s a simple short message from an unknown number, simply reading _Changkyunnie hyung_, _thank you for your help today!_ followed by a long string of smileys and random emojis.

He knows the message is from Gunhee, and he wonders how the hell the rapper got his number. Snorting at the unintentionally cute message, Changkyun turns around in bed and almost instantly falls asleep.

+

It takes a couple of weeks, but somehow, Changkyun forgets to keep his distance from Monsta X and accidentally starts to get closer to the members. It’s not like he meant to distance himself in the first place, but he can’t deny that he’s still somewhat awkward around them. He still hasn’t told them that he’s younger than all of them so they still call him hyung, and for some reason, he can’t make himself correct them. It’d be embarrassing to correct them now after all this time, and he can’t deny that it helps that they listen to him when he nags. Not that he nags a lot, just… sometimes.

“Yah, stop dawdling Minhyuk-ssi, and go get your makeup done, Jinhee noona should be here in a few minutes and if you’re not dressed by then, she’ll kill us both.”

Minhyuk glances up from the ipad in his hands, and groans. “Hyung, just one more game! I’ve almost beat Jooheon’s high score.”

“Now, Minhyuk-ssi,” Changkyun insists with an arched eyebrow.

Giving up with a loud sigh, Minhyuk puts the iPad away and stands up, but only to drape himself over Changkyun’s shoulder, leaning his weight against him and ignoring Changkyun’s disgruntled look.

“Stop calling me Minhyuk-ssi,” the idol sulks, nose scrunching haughtily, “You don’t need to be so formal. Just call me Minhyuk.”

Changkyun shifts his shoulder until Minhyuk slides off and ignores the petulant blond, walking to Hyungwon’s side and softly shaking his shoulder to get him to wake up. The makeup noona had already finished his makeup nearly fifteen minutes ago but the visual remained seated in his chair, eyes closed and head slumped down, dangerously close to falling forward in his dozing state.

“Stage is in twenty minutes. You need to stretch, and get ready for recording,” Changkyun reminds the bleary-eyed visual before he moves on to dig through a suitcase full of clothes and accessories, intent on finding the earring that Hoseok had misplaced the day before. He doesn’t manage to find it, but he resolves to keep looking until he does.

After the music show and a radio interview, Monsta X goes to film their first variety show. It’s… cringy, although it’s not the members fault, but the hosts who are a little too dismissive of the new rookie group. He watches their segment behind the camera because he’s got nothing better to do until the idols finish with the recording. Besides that, Minhyuk, Kihyun and Jooheon are putting so much effort into being entertaining that he feels like he’s obligated to watch if nothing else, so that their efforts aren’t wasted on the jaded camera crew and hosts. 

“I fucked up,” Gunhee says to Jooheon later in the dressing room. “I sounded like a total dumbass, I mean seriously. I just… froze when they asked me to describe the album, like what the hell. I barely did anything during the whole show apart from stutter like an idiot.”

“It’s fine, you did good. Don’t worry about it,” Jooheon reassures quietly, leaning his head against Gunhee’s shoulder and snuggling up to his best friend to offer comfort. The two idols are seated in a corner, speaking quietly to themselves while everyone gets ready to leave. Changkyun can’t help but to overhear the conversation, and he feels flames of anger lick the inside of his stomach. He busies himself with putting away equipment and tries not to think about it because there’s nothing he can do. He’s just an intern, he’s a nobody really. 

Still, a few minutes before it’s time to leave, Changkyun goes over to Gunhee and Jooheon and waits a few minutes until they notice his presence. Jooheon abruptly sits up straight and grins.

“Oh, hey hyung. Did you need anything?” Jooheon says cheerfully, though his bright expression seems forced from Changkyun’s point of view.

“Jooheon-ssi, you forgot to take off your mic.”

Jooheon instantly looks panicked, glancing down at the mic.

“The mic is off, I promise. Don’t worry about it,” Changkyun quickly reassures him.

Jooheon exhales in relief, and starts taking the mic off, handing it to Changkyun with a sheepish expression.

Gunhee seems to notice that he still has his mic on too, because he starts undoing the wire running underneath his clothes, lifting up his shirt and showing off his softly toned stomach without a care in the world.

Changkyun quickly looks away while he waits, face feeling hot. Once he’s got both mics in hand, he turns to go but not before glancing at Gunhee’s still defeated expression. 

“You did well, don’t take what they said to heart,” he murmurs before he turns to go. Maybe he hurries out faster than normal, but if they notice they don’t say anything about it. 

“Very slick,” Jinhee teases from her perch on the makeup counter, looking entirely too smug. 

“Shut up, noona,” Changkyun growls and continues putting away equipment, ears still burning.

+

One day after work, Changkyun gets home to a nearly empty apartment. Most of the furniture is gone, except for the shitty second-hand coffee table and a small TV that he’d bought when he first moved in with his reclusive roommate. There’s a note stuck to the counter on the kitchen and after he reads the short missive, he curses and crumples the note.

When he goes in to work the next morning, he’s super distracted and he can’t seem to concentrate. He keeps trying to do the math correctly in his head, calculates his monthly expenses and his paycheck and trying to figure out a way to make it all work but the math is simply not coming out right.

“Changkyun-ah,” Jinhee repeats, and Changkyun comes back into himself, blinking cluelessly when he catches the older woman’s gaze.

“Oh sorry… What did you need, noona?”

Jinhee frowns at him suspiciously. “Is something wrong?”

“Nothing, I’m just thinking,” Changkyun responds, lifting up a makeup palette and putting away into one of the makeup bags, trying to clear some counter space. When Jinhee keeps staring at him, Changkyun grabs a random clipboard and leaves the room, trying to appear busy despite the fact that he didn’t have anything to do at the moment. 

Today’s morning schedule ends early and the staff and the idols get a chance to grab lunch before leaving for their afternoon schedule. When they all finally arrive at the fast food restaurant they unanimously picked, the place is packed with the daily lunch rush and it’s hard to hear over the noise of employees and patrons speaking animatedly. Changkyun waits in line behind Dongwoon to place his lunch order, holding his phone and looking at apartment listings instead of looking at the menu. He’s looked at multiple websites, and this is one is just about the same in terms of renting prices. No matter how he looks at it, he’ll need to find another roommate, and soon before the week is up.

Feeling a body drape itself over his back, a pointy chin coming to rest on his shoulder, Changkyun abruptly clicks the phone screen off and stuffs it in his hoodie, flicking the ear of the perpetrator.

“Ow,” Jooheon says with a slight growl, “Hyung, that was mean.”

“Get off, you’re heavy,” Changkyun grunts, and he hears Minhyuk, Gunhee and Kihyun laugh from behind him. 

“Hyung, are you calling me fat?!” Jooheon whines even louder, and Changkyun rolls his eyes, not even bothering to respond. Jooheon keeps clinging onto him, but at least his chin softens and he stops trying to kill the nerves in his shoulder.

When it’s time to order, Changkyun’s forced to do so with the youngest rapper wrapped around him like an octopus. When Changkyun’s food is ready, he takes his sandwich and fries and glances at Hoseok pleadingly, who laughs and pulls Jooheon off, forcefully.

Changkyun quickly escapes from the rambunctious idols, walking over to one of the tables near the corner of the restaurant and sitting down across from Dongwoon. The older man takes one look behind him and smirks, taking a sip of his soda. “Don’t look now, but you’re being watched by your dear ‘dongsaengs’,” he teases, looking deeply amused.

Changkyun quickly unwraps his sandwich and takes a large bite, ignoring the older man in favor of eating his lunch, feeling ravenous. Barely a minute later, Jooheon sits next to him and Minhyuk on his other side, squishing him in the middle while Gunhee sits next to Dongwoon and starts stealing his fries.

Changkyun swallows his food and reaches for his soda, taking a long sip as he glances around himself wearily. Hyunwoo and Hoseok are sitting with Hongshik, but the rest of the members have practically surrounded him.

“Hyung, why are you looking at apartment listings? Are you moving?” Kihyun asks without shame, sharp gaze practically boring into him.

Changkyun chokes on his soda and it goes down the wrong pipe. He turns to glare at the singer while he coughs, Minhyuk pounding on his back. 

“How did you even—” Changkyun starts to say, before he glances at Jooheon and is instantly reminded of the episode earlier. Jooheon had undoubtedly gotten a look at the apartment listings he’d been looking at, and he’d told everybody else. Changkyun narrows his eyes into a slitted glare. “You’re all so nosy, seriously.” 

“What’s your point?” Minhyuk adds, popping a piece of chicken into his mouth. “So, have you found an apartment yet, hyung? I could call my auntie and ask her if she knows of any places. She’s a real estate agent, I’m sure she could help you find something.”

Changkyun’s coughing slowly subsides, and he takes a few seconds to gather his breath properly while he inwardly decides whether to lie or to be honest for once. He’s already hidden so many things from them... 

“Changkyun-ah? Is that true, you’re looking for an apartment?” Dongwoon chimes in, frowning curiously. 

Changkyun sighs, resigned to properly explaining the situation for once. “Yeah… my roommate moved out yesterday, he left a note saying that he’s moving in with his girlfriend. The lease for the apartment is under his name and it expires in two weeks.”

The idols gasp in unison and even the usually listless Hyungwon looks slightly more alert than before, turning to glance at him with angry, furrowed brows. “Your roommate didn’t tell you he was moving out ahead of time? What the hell?”

“What an asshole!” Minhyuk complains, ignoring Kihyun’s sharp smack for cursing in public.

“There’s still time to find an apartment, hyung. We can help you look,” Jooheon offers, expression sincere.

“It’s not about finding an apartment, really… It’s about not being able to afford one by myself,” Changkyun says dryly, grabbing a few fries and stuffing them in his mouth. His hands itch with the urge to grab his phone and to keep apartment searching but his eyes need a break so he resists.

There’s a lull in the conversation, and when Changkyun looks back up from his food, it’s to see Minhyuk and Kihyun exchanging worried glances. 

“Hyung… is there anything we can do?” Gunhee pipes up, salt smeared on his cheek from the fries he’d been continuously stuffing in his face. The serious look on his face combined with the grease on the corner of his lip makes Changkyun snort, quickly erupting into full-blown laughter. The others stare but Changkyun continues to laugh, grabbing a napkin and handing it to Gunhee.

“Wipe your face, you dummy,” Changkyun says with a slight smirk. Gunhee halfheartedly wipes his mouth clean, ears slowly turning red.

“Hyung, stop laughing,” the rapper grumbles and Changkyun finally looks away from the rapper to glance at the rest of the table’s inhabitants. Everyone looks so serious, even Dongwoon looks like he’s at a loss for words and it’s maddening. 

“What is this, a funeral?” Changkyun scoffs, silently fighting the urge to strangle Jooheon for putting him in this situation in the first place. “Don’t act so serious, my living situation isn’t that dire. I’ll manage.”

“Hyung… I’m sorry for forcing you to reveal something so private. But are you sure you don’t need any help?” Kihyun murmurs quietly, biting the end of his straw.

“Trust me, I’ll figure it out,” Changkyun insists. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve gotta go piss. Please don’t follow me.”

Changkyun stands up from the table and walks away, ignoring Jooheon’s whining behind him. He doesn’t even want to know what that’s about.

+

Okay, so maybe Changkyun overestimated his own ability to be able to take care of himself because a week later, he starts living in his car. He’s already sold off his meager possessions and now he’s just left with clothes and bare essentials. It’s not like he really needs much more than a bed and at night he sleeps in the back seat of the car, legs tucked in so he’ll fit. He parks the car in the Starship staff parking lot, hoping that nobody notices how often the car is there late at night. 

It’s not so bad… or at least, it becomes routine enough that he starts to get used to it. Besides, it’s not like it’ll last for forever.

The second to last week of promotions, Changkyun wakes up early and shuffles into the building, bleary eyed and sleepy. He heads to the second floor gym and instantly heads for the locker room. He leaves his clothes and shoulder bag on a wooden bench before he strips and grabs a towel, ready to hit the showers.

Perhaps he’s more tired than he’s used to, because he finishes showering and goes through all of his morning routine —brushing his teeth, brushing his hair and applying a light layer of makeup—before he realizes that the room outside is noisier than usual. He steps out of the locker room with the towel slung around his neck and freezes in place once he catches sight of Hoseok lifting weights and Hyunwoo on the elliptical machine. They’re both in good spirits, chatting animatedly with each other and Changkyun quickly tries to think of how he can get past them without drawing their attention. 

Almost instantly, he comes to the conclusion that it’s impossible. There’s only one door leading out of the room, and there’s no way he’ll be able to sneak out. He could always go back to the locker room and try to hide in the corner, wait until they’re gone. This is also not an option, he quickly realizes, because in the next second the animated chatter stops and Hyunwoo and Hoseok look behind them almost in unison, as if they can sense somebody there.

They catch sight of him standing there, hair still dripping wet, and they stare.

“Good morning,” Changkyun nonchalantly says, walking past them sedately. He makes it halfway down the hall before Hoseok catches up to him and throws an arm around his shoulder.

“Good morning hyung,” Hoseok greets and Hyunwoo hums a greeting as well, coming to walk on Changkyun’s other side. 

“I—I didn’t mean to interrupt. You should go back to your workout,” Changkyun says, futilely trying to shake off Hoseok’s arm.

“Oh no, it’s okay. I think it’s time to get breakfast, don’t you? I’m simply famished,” Hyunwoo mumbles softly.

“Well, I’m not that hungry,” Changkyun insists. “I need to go to the second floor so I can get started packing stuff in the van.”

“Skipping breakfast isn’t healthy, hyung. You’re coming with us,” Hoseok insists, smile sharp. Changkyun feels a tingle of dread racing down his spine and he’s not even sure why while he’s led to the elevator, where Hyunwoo clicks the button to go down to the first floor.

“I’m really not hungry, I’ve got work to do,” Changkyun insists. His stomach chooses this exact moment to growl, letting out an embarrassingly loud sound that echoes in the elevator. Hyunwoo and Hoseok exchange a glance and look back at Changkyun.

“You’re full of shit, hyung,” Hoseok says cheerfully, laughing and Changkyun doesn’t even bother replying because they don’t even know the half of it.

Half an hour later, Changkyun is eating breakfast with the whole group. There’s something he must be missing, because they’re all collectively taking turns staring at him and he’s not sure why. It’s not until he’s almost done with his bowl of cereal that he starts to realize that there’s more going on, watching as Hongshik, Jinhee, and Dongwoon walk up to the table.

“Come here, Changkyun-ah,” Jinhee growls and Changkyun stares at her bewildered for all of a few seconds before the angry stylist’s hand comes to rest on his shoulder. “Now.”

Changkyun glances at the rest of the idols, trying to figure out what the hell is going on and finds that only Kihyun can hold his gaze. 

“Have fun explaining to noona why you’re sleeping in your car,” the singer grumbles, tearing a piece of bread in two with a vicious bite. 

“How did you—” Changkyun starts to say before Jinhee pulls him up by the scruff of his neck and he’s forced to follow after the stylist. He finds himself in one of the meeting rooms on the first floor, seated in between Jinhee and Dongwoon, Hongshik seated on the other side.

There’s a short silence while Jinhee chugs back her coffee and Changkyun turns to glance at Dongwoon. The older intern stares back at him, looking equal parts exasperated and despondent.

“You’re an idiot,” Dongwoon mumbles under his breath, crossing his arms together.

Changkyun’s not sure why he’s here in the first place—it’s not like he’s breaking any rules by parking his car in the building at night. He really doesn’t understand where the anger is coming from. He doesn’t see any point in denying the fact either, if they already know then he’s not going to insult their intelligence by coming up with a bullshit excuse.

“Okay fine, I’m living in my car. What’s wrong with that? I’m not breaking any rules, so I don’t understand why I’m in trouble,” Changkyun says flatly.

“You don’t see any problem with that?” Jinhee hisses and Hongshik holds up a hand to stop the older woman from continuing her rant.

Jinhee huffs at the gesture, but she stops herself from speaking, taking in a deep breath.

“You’re right, technically you’re not breaking any rules,” Hongshik concedes. “... But we’re not worried about that in the first place. Believe it or not, we’re concerned about _you_, Changkyun-ah, not whether or not you broke any rules.”

“I’m fine, though? Just because I’m sleeping in the car doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with me,” Changkyun insists calmly, trying not to sound insolent but barely missing the mark considering Hongshik sighs and glances at Jinhee, as if passing the baton to her.

“Listen kid, you’re not as put together as you think you are. You’ve been more tired than usual, probably because you’ve been waking up earlier to try and hide the fact that you’re living in that piece of shit car and pretending it’s just as good as an apartment,” Jinhee snaps. “News flash! It’s not—you don’t have any privacy and you don’t have a proper bed. This is no way to live, Changkyun.”

“It’s not like I want to live like this, but this is my only option,” Changkyun logically explains, trying to keep the anger out of his voice. They’re worried about him, it seems, and it’s not like he can be angry at them for looking out for him. Still… “It’s not like I’m a complete idiot, I know living in my car isn’t ideal and it’s not definitely not sustainable. It was only supposed to be for a month longer—I think I’ve found a roommate to rent an apartment with, I’ve just gotta wait until they move into the city.”

“Who is it?” Dongwoon asks, sounding suspicious. 

Changkyun shrugs. “I don’t know, I met them online. I don’t know them that well, but they’re planning to go to university here and they need a roommate too.”

“Hell no,” Jinhee and Dongwoon yell at the same time, glaring at Changkyun.

“Hyung!” Changkyun groans, staring at Hongshik, “Tell them they’re being ridiculous!”

“Changkyun-ah, _you’re _being ridiculous,” Hongshik says, barely missing a beat. “You’re not moving in with a person you haven’t even met before. Besides… we have a place for you to move into. We won’t charge you rent, so it’d be really dumb of you to turn it down.”

Changkyun blinks, trying to figure out what Hongshik is talking about. He’s pretty sure room and board isn’t covered in his contract. “Where? And… are you sure? I won’t be charged? That sounds… weird.”

“You won’t be charged for the room, I’ve already cleared it with the president earlier this morning. I’ll tell you more later, but right now we’ve got to hurry up. Monsta X needs to be at their magazine interview soon, we don’t have a lot of time.”

“Shit, sorry,” Dongwoon suddenly exclaims, glancing at his watch and standing up abruptly. “Changkyun-ah, let’s go pack stuff in the van. Thanks for listening to me earlier, hyung.”

“It’s no problem. Thank the others for bringing it to my attention,” Hongshik says with a tired sigh.

“Of course,” Dongwoon replies, dragging Changkyun behind him out of the room and into the hall. 

Changkyun doesn’t know what the hell is even going on anymore, but he follows behind Dongwoon regardless of his confusion. He’s still got a job to do, and he’s not going to slack off just because of the weird start to his morning.

The rest of the day is still a little bit weird, the idols are quieter than usual and Jooheon and Minhyuk don’t cling as often as they usually do. Perhaps they’re keeping their distance because he needs the space, or perhaps Changkyun’s just being too paranoid. Either way, the day drags on and he’s extremely relieved when their schedule ends for the day.

Later that night, Changkyun follows Hongshik to an apartment building not even ten minutes away from their company building. The distance is very convenient, and Changkyun says as much to Hongshik, who smiles pleasantly. 

“Yes, it’s rather nice isn’t it?”

The older man leads him to the eighth floor and the door at the end of the small hallway. They enter the apartment and Changkyun stops at the sight of seven pairs of shoes near the entrance, organized into cubby holes.

“Please don’t tell me…” Changkyun groans, and almost like if he was summoned, Minhyuk appears at the end of the hallway, smiling ominously.

“Hey, hyung! Welcome to our dorm!” The loud blond announces, stretching his arms wide.

Changkyun tries to turn around but finds a sturdy arm wrapping around his shoulder—Hongshik, the traitor—before he’s led into the living room, where he finds six other idols waiting for him expectantly.

Gunhee waves from his spot on the living room couch, Jooheon tucked into his side snugly. Kihyun is having a bowl of ramyeon while trying to keep Hoseok away from his food. Hyunwoo is nowhere to be found, but Changkyun can hear the sound of the shower running so he assumes that’s where the leader is. Hyungwon is asleep on the floor, head cradled on Hoseok’s lap, and Minhyuk is still standing a few feet away from them with his arms stretched wide in welcome, an almost maniacal smile on his face.

“Please stop, you’re scaring him away,” Jooheon grumbles to the blonde, who stops smiling and gets a distinctly sour look on his face, turning around and practically flying at Jooheon, growling. “Are you saying my face is scary? You little shit!” Minhyuk tumbles off the couch with Jooheon in tow and Gunhee laughs before he joins in, ganging up on Minhyuk easily and holding him still for Jooheon to enact his revenge. 

Changkyun watches the idols and takes a deep breath before he turns around and takes off running towards the door. A strong hand stops him—Hongshik, the double traitor—and leads him further into the apartment. ”Stop running away, Changkyun-ah. It won’t be that bad, I promise that they don’t bite, for the most part. Now come on, let’s go get you settled in.”

Kihyun laughs in response to Hongshik’s reassuring words and Changkyun feels like his soul is trying to escape from his body from utter dread.

“With all due respect hyung, you’re a huge _fu-freaking_ liar!”

+

Changkyun lies in bed in a decent sized room that night, curtain pulled aside to let in the dim moonlight. The dorm is surprisingly quiet, but then again, they’ve all got to be up in less than four hours.

He thinks back to the conversation earlier, eyes drifting shut while he remembers the older man’s words…

_“Why?” Changkyun had asked as soon as the older man had shut the door behind them. Hongshik had laughed and started to rifle through a closet, pulling out a few pieces of clothing that he quickly stuffed into his backpack. “This is my room right now, which I use maybe one or two nights out of the week. It’s not like the boys can’t look after themselves, but sometimes it makes it easier if I’m here to drive them to a schedule. They just need somebody here sometimes, and well, I do have a family and it’s been hard staying away from them at night, I’m not going to lie. If you’re willing to accept, and really I don’t see why you wouldn’t, then it’ll be helping me out a lot, not to mention that it’s a pretty good deal for you too.”’_

_“I don’t think—” Changkyun’s protests had instantly died at the almost pleading glance the older man gave him and he found himself nodding hesitantly. The rest of the conversation had been short, just the older man telling him about a few extra responsibilities he has, like to make sure the group is out of the door by a certain time, and the fact that he’ll have to go grocery shopping too, as well as being extra vigilant for stalkers and making sure the dorm is always locked when they’re away. After dropping the key to the apartment in Changkyun’s hand, Hongshik had left the apartment and Changkyun had stayed in his new room, keeping the door closed for privacy. _

Now that he thinks back on it, he’s surprised that he’s been left alone for the rest of the night and that nobody had tried to barge in to annoy him. He wonders if the others think he’s mad that they’d gone behind his back and talked to Hongshik and Jinhee and rest about the fact that he’d been living in his car. Even though Hongshik hadn’t said anything about it, he just knows it was one of them who’d revealed the news to the manager. He doesn’t know how they found out, and he’d almost rather not know.

What is it his cleanliness? He’d been trying to take a shower every morning and night, but it was hard to keep up sometimes… or was it his haggard face? He hasn’t been eating as well as he should, he’ll be the first to admit.

Even though he hates to have his private information revealed, especially something embarrassing like this, it’s hard to stay mad for long when the bed he’s lying on feels like he’s floating on clouds in comparison to the super uncomfortable back seat of his car. 

With one last half hearted curse at the nosy idols sleeping in the other room, Changkyun finally falls into a deep sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

The next day, Changkyun’s woken by his alarm clock and he’d out of bed and in the shower in minutes. If there’s one thing he’s gotten used to being an intern, it’s waking up at ass o’clock in the morning and getting ready on the fly. When he steps out of the shower, he’s surprised to see Kihyun waiting outside the bathroom, sitting against the wall with his eyes closed.

“Oh, sorry Kihyun-ssi, I didn’t realize you were waiting.”

“It’s okay Changkyunnie,” Kihyun murmurs tiredly, standing up and groaning. “We don’t really have a schedule for showering, so it’s first come, first serve. I’m surprised you woke up so early, you even beat me to the shower and I’m almost always the first one…” 

Changkyun moves aside belatedly, hearing another alarm ring from across the hall. “I’ll be out soon, you can wait in the living room if you’d like. I’ll start breakfast after my shower…” WIth a loud yawn, Kihyun enters the bathroom and closes the door behind him.

Changkyun dries his hair with a towel and takes it out to dry in the balcony, going back inside and heading for the kitchen. He hears the sounds of the idols waking up and dressing from the two rooms down the hall, and he looks at the clock in the kitchen and sighs. It’s barely four…

Opening the fridge door and taking a cursory glance at the cabinets, Changkyun quickly turns on the stove and starts reheating fried rice that was in the fridge. He takes a bowl of eggs and sets it next to the counter, turning on the stove so he can fry some eggs for breakfast. 

When Kihyun walks into the kitchen, he’s followed by Hoseok and Hyunwoo, who all glance at him in surprise. 

Changkyun blinks at them and then points to the counter, where he’s got several plates lined up already with food.

“I made some fried eggs. There’s fried rice too, and some leftover ramyeon.”

“I—” Kihyun starts, bewildered, continuing to glance at Changkyun in surprise. “You know how to cook?”

“I know the basics, don’t ask me to cook anything complicated,” Changkyun replies, taking a sip of freshly brewed coffee, hissing slightly at the scalding hot liquid.

“Coffee,” Hyunwoo murmurs happily and walks to the machine, pouring a cup and grabbing a plate of food. “Thanks, hyung.”

Changkyun cringes slightly at the honorific and turns around to fry some more eggs, seeing as Hyunwoo is practically scarfing down a plate of food without slowing down to breathe.

When he turns around to give Hyunwoo more fried eggs, he finds that Kihyun is still staring at him and he frowns as he passes by the singer.

“Kihyun-ssi, I don’t understand why you’re so surprised. I’ve lived by myself for a couple of years now, of course I know how to cook even a basic meal,” Changkyun grunts and Kihyun’s shoulders abruptly deflate.

“Of course, you’re right. I’m just surprised, I didn’t think you’d cook for us after… yesterday.”

Hoseok looks up from slurping up the leftover ramyeon and he elbows Kihyun in the ribs, making the shorter man growl in annoyance. _“Shut up! Don't mention it, you dummy!”_

Changkyun snorts at the loud whisper and opens the fridge door to grab more eggs once he notices Minhyuk walk in, dragging his feet and holding his blanket like a cocoon around him.

After wolfing down his own food, Kihyun hip-checks him aside, and points at the table, motioning for Changkyun to go eat. Changkyun sits down next to Minhyuk and eats his breakfast, watching the clock and trying not to make it seem like he’s secretly watching the table’s inhabitants. 

It’s interesting to see the idols so early in the morning, bleary and tired from the day before. When he sees them at the Starship building in the morning, the idols’ hair is tidy and they’re already wearing a light layer of foundation, and now he finds that their messy hair and bare faces do nothing to detract from their handsomeness. They’re all seriously attractive in their own ways and it’s infuriating and fascinating at the same time (mostly fascinating, if he’s being honest). 

“Someone go wake up sleeping beauty and the two idiots,” Kihyun groans, glancing at the clock. “I did it yesterday, it’s somebody else’s turn.”

“Those demons?” Minhyuk scoffs, “I think not. Jooheonie deserves to be late for being so mean last night.”

“Your fault for starting a fight with him in the first place. You should have known Jooheon and Gunhee would gang up on you,” Hoseok says through a mouthful of rice. 

“Hyung, you go,” Minhyuk cajoles him with a soft pout and Hoseok snorts and shakes his head in response.

“I’m not doing it,” Kihyun repeats, and Minhyuk groans, turning to glance Hyunwoo.

“It’s your turn, Minhyukkie,” Hyunwoo says, grabbing a slice of leftover melon from the night before. 

“I’ll do it, we need to be going soon,” Changkyun chimes in, taking his plate and dropping it in the sink before he walks down the hallway.

“Hyung, you don’t have to!” Minhyuk tells him hurriedly, but Changkyun ignores him and continues on his way. He opens the first room’s door and glances inside, eyes slowly getting used to the darkness of the room. He fumbles for a lightswitch on the wall and flicks it on and… stares. There’s four bunk beds tucked into the corners of the small room, but they’re completely empty, only the rumpled covers on each bed indicating where someone had previously been sleeping on them. 

Minhyuk peeks into the room from behind him, looking alert for some strange reason.

“Did I get the wrong room?” Changkyun murmurs, and barely a second later, a muffled yell is heard from the room beside them, followed by a loud thump. Loud, hysterical laughter ensues. Minhyuk huffs a laugh and pulls at Changkyun’s arm, leading him back to the kitchen.

“Gunhee and Jooheon must be waking up Hyungwon. It’s a team effort, I swear. Hyungwonnie is really hard to wake up in the mornings, seriously,” Minhyuk informs him with a lazy grin.

Changkyun lets himself be led away from the rooms while listening to Minhyuk’s constant chatter, idly wondering why the blonde is trying so hard to distract him. It’s obvious to him that that’s what Minhyuk is doing but no matter, he’ll figure it out…

“Ready for your schedule?” Changkyun asks. “We should be leaving in about twenty minutes.”

“Twenty minutes?” Minhyuk asks, pausing in his step. His eyes widen and he curses under his breath, instantly scrambling down the hall and back to the kitchen. “Kihyun-ah, have you seen my beige sweater? You know, the one with the open neckline that shoes off my collarbones? I want to wear it today!”

Changkyun walks in to the kitchen behind him and instantly goes to refill another cup of coffee, standing near the counter while he watches Kihyun and Minhyuk arguing about the missing garment. Kihyun doesn’t know where it is, but Minhyuk keeps insisting that Kihyun had been the last one to wear it.

Their fight is entertaining to watch, even if Kihyun predictably wins the argument and Minhyuk skulks off to find his sweater by himself.

When Jooheon and Gunhee finally walk into the kitchen, it’s with Hyungwon between them while they practically drag the tall visual to the breakfast table, eyes still glued shut.

“Ah there he is, our sleeping prince,” Hoseok laughs, draping an arm over Hyungwon’s slim shoulders.

“Eat up,” Kihyun grumbles, grabbing a piece of melon and stuffing it into Hyungwon’s mouth forcefully. The sleepy idol allows himself to be fed, munching on whatever food is put in his mouth until it’s gone. It’s only when he’s halfway through his meal that he starts to wake up for real, looking around the full table and blinking slowly. When he catches sight of Changkyun, Hyungwon visibly startles. “Oh hyung, when did you get here?”

“Call me Im-ssi,” Changkyun absentmindedly murmurs, taking another sip of his coffee.

“Hyung you’re so weird. Stop being so formal with us!” Jooheon complains, pouting sullenly from across the table. 

Changkyun can’t help but laugh at the cute expression. He gets up from the table and walks to the entrance to go put on his shoes, getting ready to leave and start their busy day.

“Hyung! I’m being serious,” Jooheon yells from the kitchen.

“Hurry up, Jooheon-_ssi_,” Changkyun answer back, and since nobody can see him from the hallway, he allows himself to grin widely at the loud whine that the young rapper emits.

+

Living with a group of idols doesn’t change much, or at least that’s what Changkyun would like to think, but the truth is that it changes a lot of things.

Riding the same car as the group becomes the norm, and even though the van they use every day is only big enough to fit eight including the manager, the idols make it work. Most of the time, it’s with Minhyuk or Hyungwon sitting on somebody’s else’s lap to make them all fit (although never Changkyun’s lap, because he’d glare at them if they even _looked_ like they were considering it). This only last for a few days until Hongshik declares it to be easier for Changkyun to start driving the group around, since they live together anyways.

There’s also the fact that 99% of Changkyun’s time is now spent in the same company of the idols, pretty much all day except for the time they all go to sleep in separate rooms and when the idols perform on stage. He expects to get sick of them sooner or later and he’s not disappointed by his own assumptions when he hears the random arguments sprouting up between Kihyun and Hyungwon, who fight like cats and dogs some days.

Jooheon and Gunhee aren’t any better than the Tom-and-Jerry duo, because although they don’t fight, it doesn’t take long to figure out that the rappers together in close proximity are _trouble_. The pair is loud and obnoxious, and they laugh way too hard whenever they manage to prank one of the hyungs, and especially when they prank Changkyun (which also happens entirely too often). They’re so carefree most of the time and their good mood is contagious, although Changkyun knows it’s a good thing because they all need something to liven up their day from the stress of their hectic schedules.

Their super busy schedule is also something that changes because the promotions for the first album finally come to an end and the group gets a small break before they start their preparations for their second album.

The first day that the idols don’t have to wake up early for a schedule, Changkyun finds himself sleeping in until nearly twelve. When he wakes up, he stumbles out of his room in a terry cloth robe and heads straight for the kitchen for some much-needed coffee. He’s somewhat surprised to see most of them awake (except for Hyungwon, but that’s to be expected), and they all seem just as surprised to see him up so late. 

“I thought you were an early-riser,” Kihyun comments from the stove, where he’s busy heating up water for tea. 

Changkyun prepares his coffee how he likes it—black like his soul, with three spoonfuls of sugar—and looks up briefly to glance at the short singer. He shrugs in response. “If I wake up early in the morning, it’s because that’s my duty. I don’t enjoy waking up at ass o’clock in the morning any more than you do,” he murmurs.

Hoseok and Hyunwoo laugh at his terminology.

“Ah, are you sure that’s why you woke up late, hyung?” Gunhee asks, smirking slightly. “I swear I heard some strange sounds from your room last night, which might explain why you look so tired today. You look like you’re favoring your left hand too, I wonder why?”

Almost instantly, Jooheon elbows Gunhee’s side, groaning slightly. “You idiot,” he mumbles under his breath and Gunhee looks around cluelessly while the rest of the hyungs roar in laughter at the unintentionally misleading sentence.

Changkyun arches an eyebrow. “I don’t know what you’re implying Gunhee-ssi, but please try not to make it sound so… _wrong_.”

“What? Why are you laughing?” Gunhee blinks, frowning in confusion.

“Um I don’t know, maybe because you made it sound like he was jacking off last night or something,” Hyungwon informs him as he steps into the kitchen on light feet, looking awake for once and definitely amused as he takes in Gunhee’s gaping, surprised expression.

“What the hell?! I didn’t mean—” Gunhee starts, only to stop and think over the sentence he said before. “Wow okay, sorry hyung. I meant to say that I heard the sound of your keyboard clacking last night. I thought you might’ve been playing a game or something.”

Gunhee’s not exactly wrong, Changkyun had been playing a shooter game last night, if only for a little bit until he switched tasks and started checking through his private social media accounts. 

It’s probably for the best that the group doesn’t know that Changkyun routinely stalks social media and searches through the Monsta X tag to scour for any rumors, good or bad, about the idols. Although not officially one of his duties, Changkyun likes to stay informed on the public’s perception of the group. And maybe, just maybe… his private accounts are dedicated to supporting the group and retweeting their official group posts, but it’s practically his duty as the group’s intern! So what if he retweets fan-taken pictures of the idols more often than not? He considers it part of his job, even if he’s not being paid for it (and he enjoys it more than he probably should).

“What I was doing last night is none of your business,” Changkyun murmurs, cradling the cup in his hands. 

“That sounds suspicious too. Were you jacking off? No shame, we all do it,” Minhyuk smirks and okay, wow. Changkyun looks away from the blond who looks entirely too delighted when the tips of Changkyun’s ears start turning red. 

“You're all a bunch of perverts,” Changkyun accuses with a half-lidded glare and the rest of the hyungs laugh.

Grumbling under his breath, he places his cup in the soapy water in the sink and tightens the terry cloth robe over himself before he storms away to his room with the sound of the other’s laughter echoing down the hall.

+

Changkyun’s on his way out of the apartment when he drops by the kitchen first, putting on a fresh pot of coffee so that he can take a thermos with him. He hums while he waits, mentally making a list of groceries that he needs to buy and also making a note to write the list down otherwise he’ll probably forget things like he always does.

Jooheon and Gunhee pass by the kitchen on the way to the entrance, talking amongst themselves, but only seconds later, they retrace their steps and stop to look at Changkyun.

“Ah hyung, are you going out?” Jooheon asks, head tilted to the side in mild curiosity.

Changkyun continues humming under his breath and glances at the pair, noticing that they’re both also ready to go out. Neither of them have a laptop, but they’re allowed to use iPads that the company had provided. He notices that Jooheon’s carrying one of the iPads in his hand and combined with the notebook that Gunhee’s clutching to his chest, he starts to get a better idea of where they might be heading. Although the pair is almost notorious for being playful and joking, they’re also Monsta X’s rappers and they take their work seriously.

“Going to the studio?” Changkyun asks instead of replying, glancing at the pot of coffee and noticing that it’s ready. He turns around to fill the patterned thermos—Hoseok’s if he has to guess, the bunny and carrot pattern are a dead giveaway—and waits for one of the pair to reply.

“Yeah, though we were thinking of stopping by to eat lunch first,” Gunhee replies.

Changkyun’s stomach grumbles as if to remind him that he hasn’t eaten yet either. Once he’s adjusted his shoulder bag more comfortably, Changkyun walks toward the pair and they all make their way out of the apartment and to the elevator down the hall.

“You know, you still haven’t answered us,” Gunhee says when they’re all inside the elevator and the doors close. “About where you’re going, that is.”

Changkyun blinks and turns to glance at the rapper, looking up slightly since Gunhee’s recently hit another growth spurt. Gunhee’s sporting a distinct frown for some reason and Changkyun can’t fathom why the rapper seems slightly upset.

“I’m just going out to get some work done,” Changkyun idly responds. His response is apparently not satisfactory enough because Gunhee frowns harder, if possible, eyebrows scrunched together.

Changkyun watches him through hooded eyes, trying to figure out what the hell is wrong with Gunhee. “Why are you angry?” 

“He’s not,” Jooheon interrupts, sending Gunhee an almost warning glance. “He’s just hungry, you know how he is when he hasn’t eaten anything for more than a couple of hours.”

Gunhee frowns harder but he glances away before long, avoiding Changkyun’s glance. 

“You’re both acting so weird,” Changkyun murmurs, uncapping his thermos to take a sip. 

“I’m not acting weird, you are,” Gunhee grumbles. “You’re going out to meet someone, aren’t you? We heard you on the phone last night, you made plans to meet up with someone for drinks.”

Changkyun quickly caps the thermos again before he stares at the surly looking rapper, absolutely dumbfounded.

“Gunhee, shut up,” Jooheon groans in mortification, fingers digging into Gunhee’s shirt and tugging reproachfully. “I told you not to bring it up.”

Changkyun glances back and forth between Jooheon and Gunhee, he can’t quite figure out why the pair are acting so weird, but… “I really am going to get some work done, I’m helping Hongshik hyung with some paperwork for K-con this year. Some of it is in English.”

Gunhee glances at him from under his messy fringe, looking suspicious. “But last night…”

“Why are you listening in to my conversations?” Changkyun drawls, trying and failing to look amused. “If you must know, I’m meeting up with Dongwoon for drinks tomorrow. Not that it matters, I don’t understand why you’re angry about it, Gunhee-ssi. Are you jealous that we’re going drinking? You can go drinking too, it’s not like Hongshik hyung prevents you from drinking when you’re not actively promoting. You’re old enough, it’s not like you would get in trouble.”

Changkyun’s actually one year away from being legally allowed to drink. If he was caught, he actually _would_ be in trouble, but he doesn’t tell them that. 

“Oh, you’re going out to drink with Dongwoon hyung?” Jooheon says, sounding surprised and relieved all at once. His grip on Gunhee’s shirt loosens and Changkyun takes in the movement through sharp eyes. 

“Yeah, we usually go out to drink a couple of times a month, usually to complain about you guys,” Changkyun deadpans with a straight face. Jooheon pouts at his obvious teasing, but Gunhee still looks strange, almost embarrassed by his earlier outburst. He stays quiet for the rest of the elevator ride and it’s not until they’re standing on the street that the older rapper speaks up.

“Hey, I’m uh,” Gunhee starts, sounding sheepish. “I’m sorry. I know it’s none of my business what you do and who you spend time with.”

Changkyun watches the older man for a few seconds, trying to decide whether it’s worth it to even ask the reason why Gunhee’s acting so weird. Eventually, Gunhee starts fidgeting, hand playing with the buttons on his shirt and Changkyun realizes he’s yet to give a response and even though the nervous fidgeting kind of makes Gunhee look cute in a way that he’s totally enjoying, he knows that he should probably say something.

“It’s fine, don’t worry about it,” Changkyun murmurs with a slight shrug. He starts walking toward the parking lot and waves a hand, gesturing for the duo to follow him. “Come on.”

“We’ve got to catch the bus to the studio,” Jooheon says, thought he starts to follow Changkyun regardless of his own protestations.

“I’ll just take you, there’s no point in spending your money on bus fare when I’ve got a car. Besides, we all need to eat lunch and I’m sure the cafeteria is already open at this time. Might as well eat there.”

Gunhee and Jooheon exchange glances, and a slow smile starts to spread on both of their faces. “Oh hyung, you’re so nice! Are you going to pay for our meals, too?”

Changkyun snorts, “No way in hell. Now get in the car, idiots.”

+

Changkyun actually does end up paying for their lunch, but only because the rappers had both conveniently forgotten their wallets. He’s pretty sure they’re both lying to him, but he doesn’t care enough to search their pockets.

He doesn’t talk much during lunch, just listens to Jooheon and Gunhee chatter while idly playing candy crush on his phone. He manages to catch bits and pieces but most of it is incomprehensible to him since he hasn’t known them as long as they’ve known each other (four years, holy shit. If he’d taken one of their places in the band, they’d have fucking hated him, he’s almost 100% sure).

When they finish lunch and Gunhee goes to throw away all of their trash, Changkyun sighs under his breath and takes out the packet of paperwork he’d hastily stuffed in his shoulder bag earlier in the apartment. The packet is big and it’s all in English. Which is fine, it’s totally fine, it’s just that Changkyun hates doing paperwork. He doesn’t remember signing up for this shit in his contract. If he’d known he’d be filling out so many forms, he’d have turned tail, no doubt about it. 

“So, are you going to buy us dessert too?” Jooheon asks as he watches Changkyun from across the table, hands framing his bored face. 

“No,” Changkyun answers, skimming through the first page of the packet. 

Jooheon sulks, mouth set into a little moue of distaste. “Why are you so mean, hyung?”

“Call me Im-ssi,” Changkyun monotones, uncapping the pen he’d stuffed in his pocket and starting the long and arduous process of filling out the damned K-con application form.

“You’re such a stick in the mud,” Gunhee accuses him, flicking a stray crumpled napkin at Changkyun. It misses him completely, flying over his head to land on the floor behind. 

“Did you forget already? I bought you lunch, that should count for something...” Changkyun points out while writing down contact information. “Oh, and call me a stick in the mud one more time and I’ll have Jinhee noona dye your hair pink.” 

“No, no, no! There’s no need to be so vindictive!” Gunhee quickly protests. Changkyun has to hold back his laughter at the rapper’s vehement denial, but he can’t hold back a soft, amused snort that manages to escape from him.

“Hyung, thanks for lunch,” Gunhee grumbles a second later, looking chastised. 

“Yeah, thanks,” Jooheon adds in, looking equally sheepish. “Um so, are you just going to sit here? Cause it’s getting kind of crowded and noisy.”

It’s true, the cafeteria is starting to fill up more and even now, Changkyun catches sight of a group of trainee girls lining up to get food. There’s way too many of them, and they keep glancing at their table and giggling.

“You want to come to the studio with us? We won’t be that noisy, I promise,” Jooheon pleads, sounding sincere. 

Changkyun glances up, trying not to smirk. “Are you nervous because of the female trainees, Jooheon-ssi? How adorable,” he drawls out.

Jooheon’s eyes nearly bug out of his head, and he shakes his head back and forth. “Nervous? Hell no, they fucking scare me. Sojung especially, she always glares at me for some reason.”

“It’s because you bumped into Dayoung that one time and didn’t apologize right away,” Gunhee helpfully reminds him.

“It was an accident,” Jooheon growls. “And I did apologize, once I realized I bumped into her.”

Changkyun watches the back and forth between the other two rappers before he finally sighs and caps his pen.

“Fine, fine, let’s go.”

Jooheon grins and stands up, leading the way to the studio with Changkyun and Gunhee following closely behind. When they finally settle down, it’s almost like a switch has been flipped, the change in the rappers’ attitude is so abrupt. 

Changkyun sits in a comfy leather sofa with the paperwork in front of him and watches Jooheon logging into the computer, opening up several programs and speaking with Gunhee about the song they’re currently working on. They’re both absorbed in the song they’re composing, conferring back and forth comfortably about which parts need work and discussing another song that needs to be rearranged to allow for a dance break.

Several long minutes past until Changkyun abruptly realizes that he’s staring at the rappers instead of doing his work. Swallowing the brief feeling of disappointment because he desperately wants to join them but instead he’s stuck doing fucking _paperwork_, Changkyun grips the pen tight in his hand and concentrates on the words swimming in front of him.

After an hour or so, Changkyun’s almost done with the damned application packet and he’s also nearly asleep, neck and shoulders feeling tense beyond belief. He takes a break for a second, puts the pen down and groans nearly silently, massaging the nape of his neck in an attempt to make the pain go away. 

“How the hell do you switch between these two tabs quickly, I know there’s a shortcut,” Jooheon grumbles to Gunhee. 

Changkyun glances at his empty thermos and frowns. There’s a coffee machine just down the hall, so he glares at the thermos for a few more seconds until he finally manages to make himself get up, passing by Jooheon and Gunhee. Yawning slightly, he leans over Jooheon’s shoulders and types in the shortcut for switching tabs.

“It’s control, shift, alt plus tab,” he informs him. He glances over the screen and pays attention to the song playing in repeat in the background. “The song sounds disjointed right after the dance break. It doesn’t flow seamlessly back into the chorus, you need to add something to help the transition,” Changkyun muses out loud. He pats Jooheon’s shoulder and leaves the room, intent on looking for coffee and completely unaware of the shocked looks sent his way. 

After he refills his thermos, he steps into the room and stops as he’s met with the identical surprised faces of Gunhee and Jooheon, who look at him like they’re just now seeing him for the first time.

“Hyung, you know how to use this program?” Jooheon asks, mouth gaping open.

“More than that, you know about composition, at least enough to listen to a song and be able to tell what the hell is wrong with it.” Gunhee frowns in suspicion. 

Changkyun blinks and tries to say something, but he doesn’t know exactly what. He glances down at his thermos and takes a small, miniscule sip. He settles on the truth, somewhat.

“Yes, I know about song structure and all that crap. I work for Starship, what did you expect?” 

Okay, that sounded way more defensive than Changkyun meant it to be, but he doesn’t say anything else, just hopes that they take the bait. 

“Well… Dongwoon doesn’t know shit about this, we’ve asked him before, I just didn’t think you’d know about it either,” Jooheon tries to say, sounding flustered for some reason. 

“I can’t believe this, hyung! Why didn’t you tell us before! You could have been helping us this whole time!” Gunhee stresses with a loud whine, taking off his hat so he can run his fingers through his unruly dark strands in apparent agitation.

Changkyun just shrugs and looks away from the deep stare piercing into him, feeling small for some reason. “You have professionals helping you, Gunhee-ssi, I hardly think you need my help. Besides… I’m not that good at it, really.”

Gunhee takes a deep breath and seems to deflate, exchanging a quick glance with Jooheon beside him.

“Even if you don’t know much about it, will you help us anyway? We’d love it if you could,” Jooheon says sincerely, a hopeful smile overtaking his face. 

Changkyun bites his lip absentmindedly, glancing at the application packet on the table. He could probably finish it tonight, after dinner. It’s not like he’s got any plans for tonight anyway.

“Fine,” Changkyun breathily agrees, trying not to make it obvious that his heart’s pounding from adrenaline for some strange reason. It’s not like he’s dreamt of this—of sitting next to Jooheon and Gunhee while mixing a track, speaking to them honestly about his own opinion of their rap parts and how to fit them in better with the vocals, of how to make a song better, no—no, that's not right. How to make a song that’s _amazing_. Yeah, it’s not like he’s thought about this for months. Not at all. 

_Changkyun’s a huge fucking liar. _

+

“What are you doing?”

Changkyun startles at the sound, accidentally bumping his head on the underside of his computer desk. He hisses in pain and crawls out from underneath the hellish contraption that’s causing his head to ache, sitting up to glare at Hyungwon who’s now leaning against the doorway of Changkyun’s room, looking beyond amused.

“C’mon, don’t be like that hyung, s’not my fault you’re easily startled,” Hyungwon points out, sipping at the frappe in his hands. “So anyway, what _are_ you doing?”

Changkyun stops rubbing his head and glances around him once again, going back to what he was doing before he was so rudely interrupted. “I’m looking for my pen, it rolled off the desk and now I can’t find it.”

Hyungwon leisurely walks over and leans down, picking up something off the ground and handing it over to Changkyun. “You’re blind, it was literally right in front of you,” Hyungwon snickers, quickly sitting down on the Changkyun’s bed. “Are you sure you don’t need glasses, grandpa?”

“Leave me alone, you demon child,” Changkyun grouses, sitting back down on the computer chair and ruffling his bangs. His hair is getting a little too long, it’s starting to annoy him.

“I’m taller than you, you can’t call me a child.” The slender idol stands up again as if to prove a point, walking over to stand behind Changkyun and glancing at the computer screen.

Changkyun instantly panics because fuck—he’s got a word doc open with lyrics for a song he’s working on. The lyrics are a little too… touchy-feely to be anything but a love song. He hits the keyboard shortcut to close the program in near lightning speed, feeling sweat gathering at the nape of his neck. 

“Smooth, totally not suspicious at all,” Hyungwon drawls with a smirk. “Why are you so embarrassed? It was only a word doc. Are you writing poetry for someone? How grade school of you.” 

“Shut up,” Changkyun growls, staring at his anime wallpaper. He feels a pair of arms wind around him while the tall visual of the group laughs at Changkyun’s reddening ears. Once he catches sight of Changkyun’s wallpaper, the idol lets out an amused huff of air.

“I would have never pegged you as a Naruto fan,” Hyungwon teases and Changkyun smacks his shoulder.

“If you know what’s good for you, you’ll leave,” Changkyun grumbles.

“Why? I’m having fun.”

“Hyungwon-ssi,” Changkyun warns, feeling a vein near his temple start throbbing.

“Fine, I can see you’re still flustered over your song lyrics. I’ll leave you alone, Changkyun oppa,” Hyungwon says, lips popping on the last word. 

“What the hell did you just call me?” Changkyun growls and Hyungwon lets out a roaring laugh at the incredulous expression on his face, quickly tugging up his phone to take a picture before he leaves the room, practically falling over from laughter. 

Changkyun crosses the room to close the door, mentally making a note to himself to keep the door closed if he’s going to be working on lyrics more often. At the thought of the song he’s currently writing, he starts to forget about Hyungwon’s teasing and he goes back to his seat, opening up the word doc once again. He goes back to writing, thoughts turning to the song he’s crafting once again.

+

The next time Changkyun goes grocery shopping, it’s with Hoseok, Kihyun and Minhyuk in tow. As soon as they arrive, Kihyun takes the crumpled up list in Changkyun’s hand and takes control of the cart, heading for the fresh produce section. He’s pretty quick at picking up the cheapest items in the shortest amount of time, eyes roving over the items while he murmurs recipes and brands and prices under his breath. He’s very methodical and Changkyun tags along a few feet behind, content to let the older man take charge. 

Even with Kihyun taking charge, the whole trip takes way longer than it’s supposed to because of Minhyuk and Hoseok. They’re like excitable little children, putting stuff in the cart while they think Kihyun isn't looking. They wander around the whole store, throwing stuff in the cart without a care and looking smug on top of it all when Kihyun doesn’t say anything about it. The joke’s on them though, because as soon as they wander off again, Kihyun hands the unnecessary items to Changkyun who quickly puts them back in their place. 

“Why did we bring them along, again?” Changkyun asks after he finishes putting away a bag of expensive gourmet ramen.

“It’s a necessary evil, I’m afraid,” Kihyun says distractedly while leaning down to read the price of the rice on the bottom shelf. “Minhyuk has a fitting with Jinhee noona for the music video. Oh, and thanks for offering to take us to the studio after this.”

Changkyun shrugs. “It’s no problem, not like I had anything to do apart from doing the weekly shopping. Hm, but as far as the fittings, why is Minhyuk’s separate from the rest of the group? I’m pretty sure I remember Jooheon and Gunhee say the other day that the clothes for the music video are ready.”

Kihyun sighs, grabbing a large bag of rice and placing it in the cart carefully. “Minhyuk’s lost weight again, his clothes are too loose. His pants need to be tightened around the waist area so he’s going in for another fitting. Hoseok’s tagging along because he’s going to work out at the gym.”

“Minhyuk’s lost weight? That’s not good,” Changkyun murmurs, softly biting his lip. 

“Yeah, I know. He’s been trying to eat more, but he feels sick if he overeats. He almost had to throw up the other night, it was pretty bad.”

“The other night? Shit… I didn’t know,” Changkyun frowns, watching Kihyun steer the cart further into the store, going to the meat section next.

“It’s okay hyung, you weren’t in the dorm, you were out with Dongwoonie,” Minhyuk suddenly says from behind him. “Besides, Kihyunnie made me drink some seltzer water and it really helped.”

Changkyun glances at the blond, taking in his gentle smile and rosy cheeks. “Well, maybe we should buy some more seltzer water for you… Or some chocolates. It’ll help with the weight gain, and snacking on something throughout the day would probably be better than trying to eat too much during meal times,” Changkyun murmurs, concerned.

“That’s sweet of you, but you don’t need to worry. I’ll gain weight eventually, probably once we start promoting,” Minhyuk reassures him, laughing lightly.

Kihyun doubles checks the shopping list one more time, and once he’s determined that they’re ready to go, they head to the registers in front of the store. Changkyun watches from the sidelines as Hoseok piles items on the conveyor belt with Minhyuk’s help while Kihyun chats with the cashier. He doesn’t miss the fact that a bag of chocolates do end up in one of the grocery bags and he smiles at the trio absentmindedly, waiting for them to finish the transaction.

After he drops off Hoseok, Kihyun and Minhyuk at the studio, he heads back to the dorm. He’s got a car load full of groceries that need to be put away and the sooner he can finish, the sooner he can go take a nap.

When he finally enters the dorm, it’s with a bunch of grocery bags bunched around both arms and his shoulder bag strapped over his chest. He can hear the sound of the TV coming from one of the rooms down the hall and he considers calling for help to put away the groceries before he decides against it. The group’s next comeback is right around the corner and he’d rather the members rest while they can because they’ll be busy as hell when the next promotion period starts.

It takes him a good ten minutes or so to finish putting away the groceries. Taking one last glance at the kitchen, he grabs his shoulder bag once again and picks up the new bottle of vitamins that he needs to put away in Hoseok’s bedside table. He follows the sound of the TV down the hall and pushes open the door to the room, which is already ajar. 

Changkyun’s eyes widen at the sight that greets him—Jooheon is straddling Gunhee’s thighs, arms wrapped around the older man’s shoulders with his head tucked into the hollow of his neck, just breathing him in. 

Maybe if Changkyun had left then, he could have convinced himself into believing the scene was entirely innocent, just a close _(too close)_ hug between best friends. But he doesn’t leave because he’s a masochistic idiot, so he stands there for longer than he’s supposed to, which is why he witnesses Gunhee’s hand sinking into Jooheon’s hair, palm cradling the base of his head before he gently tugs his head to the side to sharply nip at the skin of his neck, eliciting a low hiss from Jooheon. 

“Fucking ouch, you lousy vampire. Stop biting on my neck,” Jooheon groans, but he makes no move to get away from the older man, only seems to melt into his arms even more if possible.

“Shut up, I know you love it,” Gunhee teases with a fond grin, chuckling under his breath as he releases Jooheon’s hair only to cradle his face and lean in for a kiss, lips sliding over Jooheon’s in a messy, wet kiss.

The sight of the kiss makes something in Changkyun burn in the best way possible, heart thudding rapidly against his chest. Watching Gunhee’s left hand sliding underneath Jooheon’s shirt to touch the bare skin of his hip, he screams internally for all of a second before he jolts in realization that he’s being a creep and continuing to watch them when neither of them knows he’s there. 

Changkyun tries to backtrack out of the room quietly, and the keyword here is try—there is an attempt made, but it’s a failed attempt nonetheless because the universe royally hates him—naturally, he runs into the doorframe and rattles the bottle of vitamins in his hand loud enough that Jooheon and Gunhee look up and see him and instantly spring apart, looking shocked. 

“Hyung! I can explain—” Jooheon stutters and Changkyun hates the panicked sound of his voice, feeling guilty for being the cause of it.

“Sorry, I should have knocked, how rude of me,” Changkyun tries to say nonchalantly, sounding a little too breathless to be considered completely unbothered. His eyes refuse to look up from the ground and he softly strides into the room to place the bottle of vitamins on a nearby bed (Minhyuk’s bed, because Hoseok’s bed is entirely too close to the pair that he’s currently trying to avoid). He bows his head in apology one last time before he leaves the room, instantly making a beeline for his own room where he closes the door and instantly sinks into his bed.

Changkyun grabs a nearby pillow and presses his face into it before he yells, the sound muffled by the thick pillow that’s he’s attempting to suffocate himself with. He’s embarrassed as hell, he could die purely from the feeling alone, it’s so bad. Fuck his life, seriously, how is he supposed to stop thinking about the fact that Jooheon and Gunhee, they’re… they’re fucking together, and his thought process just short-circuits and stops at the word _fucking_, because, that’s likely what they do in their spare time. He groans into his pillow, feeling heat spread over his face at the images that his mind conjures entirely too easily. 

Changkyun likes to think he’s a good person, but it’s times like these when he’s reminded that he’s only human, which means he makes mistakes. His mistake, in this case, is the fact that he can’t stop thinking about it, doesn’t even bother to try.

+

Changkyun ends up falling asleep unintentionally, feet tangled into his covers and the pillow from earlier ending up on the floor. When someone knocks on his door, he jolts at the sound, waking up and feeling like a truck ran over him for some reason.

“Come in,” Changkyun rasps out, voice rough from sleep.

Hoseok pokes his head into the room, smiling softly when he catches sight of Changkyun’s pillow-creased cheek. 

“It’s time for dinner, come on,” he urges, opening the door wider and waiting for Changkyun to get up and follow him.

Changkyun’s entirely too stupid when he wakes up from an extended nap, so he doesn’t even think twice about it, just grumbles under his breath about still being sleepy and rises out of bed, hand half-heartedly tousling his hair back into order. He follows Hoseok into the kitchen, yawning widely. 

His body moves on auto-pilot to the point that he sits down in the free seat between Kihyun and Minhyuk and reaches for the pitcher of water to fill his cup, drowning half the glass in one go to help quench his dry, raspy throat.

When he looks up, he sees Jooheon and Gunhee sitting across from him and he remembers the compromising position that he’d caught them in earlier in the day. Feeling heat invading his face, he looks down at the spread of dishes around the table instead, focusing on the kimchi with almost laser-like focus.

Dinner continues like normal and he quietly chews on his food, mind straying to thoughts of the schedule for tomorrow, futilely trying to think of anything but the idol rappers only a few feet away from him.

Its halfway through dinner when he finally realizes that the others are quieter than normal and he belatedly looks around and tries to figure out the reason why. When he catches Minhyuk’s eye, the blond haired idol purses his lips and then puts down his chopsticks. 

“Hyung, about earlier… are you upset?”

Changkyun blinks, confused. “Why would I be?” he asks with a slight frown, glancing at Minhyuk’s plate and noticing that his plate is piled way too high. The sight annoys him entirely too much, aggravates him the same way that it does when he notices that Jooheon’s hardly eaten anything at all. With a comeback right around the corner, it doesn’t surprise him, but that doesn’t mean that he has to like it.

“So, it doesn’t bother you in the least?” Jooheon asks, brows furrowed in consternation. 

“I’m not upset—with you at least—but that doesn’t mean that this whole thing doesn’t bother me,” Changkyun tries to explain, scratching his cheek. “I mean, it’s just stupid, isn’t it? I don’t understand why appearance matters so much. Shouldn’t it be enough that you’re already forced to share so much of your life with your fans, always showcasing your personal lives and sharing so many details? Why should it matter how much Minhyuk weighs? It’s disgusting that Minhyuk’s being forced to eat more because he’s naturally skinny, just like they keep putting Jooheon on a diet to make him lose weight. Your appearance shouldn’t matter, it’s no one else’s business but your own,” Changkyun frowns, trying to control the sudden anger that’s making his blood boil. He takes a deep breath, glares at the tabletop until his breathing starts to revert back into its normal rhythm.

“Uhhh—” Gunhee says, completely dumbstruck. 

“That’s not what we’re talking about,” Kihyun says, a hand covering his mouth to try to hold back the desperate laughter wanting to escape. “Though wow, I’ve never seen you so passionate about something, Changkyunnie _hyung_,” he teases. 

“No, no, that’s not—that’s not what we meant… We’re talking about… you know, the thing… the thing you saw earlier,” Jooheon stutters, looking away from Changkyun as if he couldn’t even meet his eyes out of sheer embarrassment.

Changkyun instantly understands what they’re talking about and feels heat invade his cheeks without meaning to. He clears his throat loudly and coughs, the slightest amount. “Oh.. _that_. Yeah, that’s uh, that’s fine, I mean it’s not a problem. Why would it be?” His voice is so high-pitched, all pre-pubescent and boyish sounding, that it honestly surprises him. He hasn’t sounded like that since his third year in freaking middle school. “It’s your personal lives, you can date who you want to,” he suddenly has a thought and he rushes to get it out, “_If _you’re dating, that is, maybe you were just making out, I don’t know, but even if that is the case, no judgment, seriously. I—yeah. I don’t care.” 

Great, he just word vomited the lamest sounding, incoherent explanation that has ever been spoken.

“So, it’s okay that they’re, like, gay for each other?” Minhyuk clarifies and Changkyun can’t help the snort that escapes him.

“That would be really hypocritical of me, considering I’m bi as fuck, so… yeah,” Changkyun manages to explain. He reaches for the pitcher of water to refill his cup and then drowns the whole thing in one go. “Anyway, this conversation was fun, let’s never do this again.”

“But it was _sooo_ enlightening,” Hyungwon protests, tilting his head to the side and smirking.

“Demon child,” Changkyun accuses darkly, and refills his water cup. He sneaks a peek at Jooheon and Gunhee and they’re both looking at each other, communicating silently. It looks like a great superpower to have, Changkyun inwardly thinks. He doesn’t think he’ll ever get to that level of closeness with someone to ever accomplish the same thing, but it looks really cool as an outside observer. No, he’s not jealous, damn it. He’s not.

Without warning, Minhyuk tackles him and sends them both crashing to the floor, the chair making a loud thumping sound as it falls to the ground. “Changkyunnie, you’re so sweet! I can’t believe you care about us so much, I mean seriously, you’re so nice, not to mention that you’re Bi, that’s awesome!”

“I’m not nice! Get off,” Changkyun groans, but it’s no use, the Minhyuk love parade continues for at least another five minutes before Hyunwoo has mercy on him and plucks Minhyuk off.

“Now now, what have we told you about smothering people to death with affection? Take it easy, Minhyuk-ah,” Hyunwoo murmurs placidly, steering Minhyuk back to the table while ignoring the younger’s loud whining.

After Changkyun finishes catching his breath, he halfheartedly wipes Minhyuk’s lipgloss off his cheek and leans against the kitchen counter, watching the rowdy group of idols that are still eating, watching him in turn.

It feels like something’s shifted, for some reason, but he’s not sure what. He feels awkward, exposed, and he’s not sure that it’s a good thing.

“Aren’t you going to finish eating?” Hoseok asks, pointing at Changkyun’s half-eaten plate with one of his chopsticks. 

Changkyun shrugs. “I’m not that hungry. Besides, I’ve got some work to do… Should have done it earlier, to be honest, except I fell asleep.” He rubs his nape and then shrugs. “I’ll see you guys later, I think I’ll head over to the Starship building.

“This late?” Hoseok asks, frowning slightly.

“I don’t think you get to say that, considering you fell asleep in the studio the other day,” Changkyun chortles, amused. Without waiting for another protest, he slips out of the room and down the hall, where he puts on his shoes and jacket. He slips out of the apartment quietly, letting the sounds of chattering fade away as he closes the door.

+

The music video shoot lasts for three days and nights, and by the end of it, the whole group is near dead from exhaustion. Changkyun isn't faring much better. 

Throughout the whole shoot, he’s constantly being convinced into taking pictures of the idols on set, and even worse, taking pictures _with_ the idols and those are the worst because he feels so awkward that the pictures always end up looking like he’s grimacing.

“I don’t understand how you always end up looking like you’re in pain, hyung. You should be totally photogenic, you've got the face for it, I swear,” Jooheon mumbles, looking at the pictures in his gallery with a totally confused expression.

“I really don’t,” Changkyun grumbles, shooing Jooheon away with one hand. “Now leave, I’ve got shit to do.”

“I won’t leave until you take a picture with me and smile, like you mean it!” Jooheon whines, and Dongwoon laughs from a few feet away where he’s watching the proceedings.

“Come on, don’t be so mean to our Jooheonie. Just take a picture with him, Changkyun-ah,” Dongwoon says with a sly smirk.

Changkyun rolls his eyes and huffs, throwing the clipboard in his hands at Dongwoon and not even apologizing when it clips the older intern’s shoulder as it goes flying past him. “Fine, you crybaby,” Changkyun finally relents, slinging his arm around Jooheon’s neck and pulling him in close for a selfie, snapping the picture quickly with his own phone. The picture turns out good, despite the fact that he’s not even smiling, he just kind of has a blank expression on his face. At least he’s not completely grimacing, so it’s already tons better than any photos that Jooheon managed to take. He sends the photo to Jooheon without prompting and then goes to pick up the clipboard again, groaning as he bends down. His knee’s been acting up again, even though it’s been years since he had that accident in dance practice.

When Changkyun finally turns around with the clipboard in his hand, Jooheon’s no longer there, he’s already running to the other side of the room to meet up with the rest of the members.

“Oh, to be young again and be as energetic as him,” Changkyun laments, ignoring Dongwoon’s chortled laughter.

“What the hell are you talking about? You’re even younger than him,” the bespectacled man points out and Changkyun throws his clipboard at him one more time, harder than before. “Shut up, Dongwoonie hyung. Don’t say that so loud.”

“You and Jinhee, I swear, you _must_ be siblings. You’re both so violent!” Dongwoon grunts, rubbing his shoulder with a big pout.

“Don’t compare me to that witch,” Changkyun sneers, half joking, half serious.

+

The comeback is absolute hell… it means waking up at 4 in the morning and going to bed late at night, nearly midnight.

It means sneaking coffee and snacks to the members, and wrangling them into order during interviews, frantically shaking his head behind the cameras when they start being too wild with their answers.

It means sorting their clothes and learning how to sew in case of another outfit mishap because Gunhee keeps ripping his clothes and he’s not sure if he’s doing it on purpose or if he’s just really unlucky.

It means comforting Minhyuk when he reads upsetting comments online, and letting Hyungwon sleep on his lap after an exhausting performance.

It means speaking to Hyunwoo about their schedule each day and answering his numerous, thoughtful questions.

It means helping Hoseok with his ridiculous, glittery eyeshadow even after the makeup noonas have prohibited him from using it (you’ll attract too much attention!), and heating up warm tea for Kihyun late at night because he’s so careful with his voice. 

It means sneaking Jooheon his lunch early because he gets sulky when he doesn’t eat on time, and calming Gunhee down after a particularly hard interview or tv show appearance because his panicky-ness still hasn’t gone away. 

It means being busy all the time, but really, honestly, Changkyun doesn’t mind because it also means that he’s around music nearly all day long.

It means sitting next to Jooheon and Gunhee and helping them compose.

It means writing his own songs whenever he manages to find the time, writing lyrics in crumpled napkins and the margins of his handy clipboard that he finds himself holding all the time.

It means drinking with Dongwoon and sometimes Hongshik during their time off (as rare as that is), and bickering with Jinhee nearly all the time, and drinking a ridiculous amount of coffee with extra shots just to get him through the day.

It means spending nearly the entire day _every day_ with the idols that he’s come to know as Monsta X, his friends, really, because there’s no other way to describe them now that he’s gotten so close to them.

It means that he finds himself smiling a lot some days, and the causes of that can usually be found only a few feet away from him, making absolute fools of themselves. 

Changkyun is tired, and stressed, and very much in need of a twelve hour nap (a twenty four hour nap would be even better), but he’s also happy, for once.

Naturally, that’s when it all starts going downhill.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter to go! To be honest, the last chapter is already done, I'm just in editing hell right now T_T
> 
> As always, thanks for reading :D


	4. Chapter 4

It’s the eyes boring holes into him that alerts him to Jinhee’s presence. He glances up while taking out one of his earbuds, the faint sounds of the beat he’s been composing fading away. He pauses the unnamed song on his phone and raises an eyebrow at the older woman, quietly inquiring about the glare. 

“Oh, you know why I’m pissed,” Jinhee grumbles, sitting down roughly and huffing, looking tired. It’s lunch time and they’ve got a bit of a break while the idols are finishing up an interview. Changkyun estimates that he has a good fifteen or so minutes before he has to get up so he cherishes the silence and solitude while he can. After the interview, the idols will get a chance to eat and then they’ll all get ready to go to a fansign across town. 

All in all, it’s a busy day and Changkyun knows he’s not going home until late at night. He sips his cool glass of water and glances down at his phone, opening up a game he’s been playing lately instead of outright answering Jinhee’s obvious provocation. She’s used to it though, or at least, used to his insolence so much that she doesn’t even yell at him any more. Instead, she walks around the table and snuggles into Changkyun’s side, putting her chin on his shoulder and watching the game. 

“Noona, get off, your chin is pointy,” Changkyun hisses, trying to push her off. Jinhee doesn’t stop, only digs her chin in harder until Changkyun gives in with an annoyed sigh. “Fine, fine, you freaking weirdo. Destroy my shoulder, why don’t you.”

“I’m trying. Should I try harder?” Jinhee mumbles, voice drowsy. Changkyun stops struggling once he realizes that she’s actually close to falling asleep. He continues playing his game and eventually, Jinhee’s breathing evens out, the faintest puffs of air hitting Changkyun’s shoulder. Changkyun switches to his music app and plays the song again, listening for any discordances or anything else he can improve. He doesn’t have all of the lyrics for it yet, and it’s missing something still, but it’s come a long way than it was even three weeks ago. 

He wants to write lyrics right now, has an idea for phrase that he can work into the song, but finds that he can’t move without disturbing Jinhee. There is a couple of napkins nearby, edges drenched with ice water, so he grabs one and digs the pen out of his pocket, something that he’d started to carry with him at all times. Whether he has to fill out a form or write some lyrics whenever he manages to find the time, it’s been really handy to keep it with him.

Changkyun gets lost in his head, lips mouthing lyrics without sound. It’s only when he feels a finger poke his side that he startles and jumps in place, unintentionally making Jinhee slide off to the side. 

“You loser, how much longer are you going to keep working from your phone? Just ask to use one of the studios so you can record your songs,” Jinhee groans, swatting at his arm as she rights herself and gets her bearings back. Haeun, a shy and quiet makeup stylist, laughs from a few feet away as she crosses the room, heading out.

“Jinhee noona, it’s close to one. We’ll be leaving in a few minutes. Don’t forget to fix your hair before you leave the room,” Haeun says before she leaves, giggling under her breath.

“She’s right, it looks like you’ve got a bird’s nest on top of your head,” Changkyun monotones without looking up from his phone, grunting as he endures the ensuing punch that follows.

“Stupid brat,” Jinhee murmurs under her breath as she gets up and undoes her ponytail, quickly brushing her long hair and expertly creating a messy bun on top her head, bangs framing her face. “Fine, don’t listen to me. See if I care…”

Changkyun watches as Jinhee leaves the room, grabbing a handful of candies from the makeup counter and stuffing them in her mouth carelessly.

“Charming as ever,” Changkyun throws out, trying to get the last word in. Jinhee flips him off. 

As soon as she leaves, Changkyun laughs out loud. Of course, it doesn’t last long because he notices the time only a few seconds later. Haeun is right, it’s nearly time to leave. With a resigned sigh, Changkyun gets off the couch and puts away his phone, stretching his arms above his head and groaning as his hip pops.

“I can hear your bones creaking, old man,” Hyungwon childishly taunts as he enters the room, heading straight for the makeup chair. Dongwoon enters the room behind him, followed by Hongshik and the rest of the group.

“Shut up, Hyungwon-ssi,” Changkyun retorts, passing by the idol and pulling on a stray strand of his silky hair. Hyungwon swats his arm away. 

Minhyuk sits a few seats away from Hyungwon and stares at his reflection in the mirror, frowning. Haeun comes to stand next to him and plops down her makeup bag on the counter, reaching for a brush to re-apply a light layer of foundation to hide the reddish pimple on his chin. 

“Is it that noticeable?” Minhyuk asks her, sounding desperately hopeful. 

“Not at all,” Haeun lies with a soft smile. 

“Noona’s lying,” Hoseok says gravely. “It looks like mount vesuvius is growing on your chin. Who knows, it might erupt. Could be fun, you should lance it to see what happens.”

Minhyuk groans miserably at the taunting. “Hoseokie hyung, shut up.”

“Don’t tease him, Hoseok. Minhyuk, don’t touch it, you big dummy. Just leave it alone,” Kihyun breaks in, sounding slightly peeved. It probably had something to do with Gunhee using him as an armrest.

“Alright kids, time for lunch. Please shut your mouths and eat, quietly,” Hyunwoo says with a genial grin, reaching for the bag of takeout food in front of the couch.

“What’s for lunch?” Jooheon asks distractedly, standing behind Kihyun and trying to compare both their heights.

“Kihyun hyungie, either I’m getting taller or you’re getting shorter.”

“You’re growing taller,” Gunhee reassures him, slinging an arm around Jooheon and pulling him toward the couch, where the food is.

“Please eat your lunch, we don’t have much time,” Changkyun cuts in, glancing at his watch.

“Aye, aye, captain,” Hoseok says, saluting him. He slides on the couch next to Hyunwoo and reaches for a bowl of jajangmyeon, licking his lips. “I’m starving.”

“Aren’t you always?” Hyunwoo snorts, amused.

Changkyun watches the group eat from the sidelines, idly wondering when this all became so normal to him.

When they’re nearly finished with lunch, Gunhee accidentally drops his napkin and he instantly reaches for it, stretching his arm as he makes grabby hands at it. A second later, a button on his sleeve pops off, landing sideways and quickly rolling away. Changkyun stops its momentum with the heel of his boot and glances at Gunhee with an exasperated sigh.

“Again? Seriously?” Changkyun grouses, looking unimpressed. Gunhee only grins. Without a word, Changkyun reaches into his shoulder bag nearby and digs out his small sewing kit, reaching for a needle and a small roll of dark thread.

He ignores everyone’s incredulous laughter at the action and sits next to Gunhee, quickly and efficiently sewing the button back on the sleeve, warning Gunhee not to move under his breath lest he ‘accidentally’ pokes him with the sharp needle.

All in all, lunch is fairly uneventful, all things considered.

The next hour is hectic, between packing up and moving over to the proper venue, as well as saying a proper goodbye to the magazine staff. When it’s time to leave, Jooheon latches on to Changkyun’s arm and leads him to their van while discussing the music recording for tomorrow with Gunhee. Changkyun lets him without complaining for once.

When they finally enter the venue, Jooheon finally lets him go to greet the fans lining outside and immediately trails after Gunhee, wrapping himself around the older rapper’s arm instead, which sets off a wave of loud cheers mixed with giggling._ Show offs, _Changkyun inwardly thinks with an amused snort.

“Come on, Changkyun-ah,” Dongwoon says, tapping his arm and pointing towards the door to the side of the venue. Changkyun inhales deeply and cracks his neck before he starts grabbing the pile of unfolded cardboard boxes in one of the vans and lifts it up with Dongwoon’s help, guiding the boxes inside. They’re for fan gifts, and at the end of the night, he’ll end up hauling the full boxes into the van where they’ll be taken to the Starship building and sorted properly before they’re given to the idols. It’s a pain to be honest, but the smiles on the group member’s faces make it worth it to him, the happiness they feel at receiving so much love from their fans is heartwarming to see.

The fansign is short, only a couple of hours, and after Changkyun helps Dongwoon with various tasks and setting up, he follows Hongshik into the main room where the fansign is being held and sits down with him near the back in a section with empty seats. 

Hongshik pulls out his laptop and starts going through his email, pulling up an email from the K-con staff. “The application went through fine,” the manager says giving Changkyun a warm smile. “Thanks for your help, Changkyun-ah. I finished booking the flights and hotel room reservations yesterday. I’m rooming with Dongwoon, would you mind sharing the room with one of the members?”

Changkyun shrugs. “It’s fine, I don’t care, hyung.”

“I thought you’d be tired of them by now,” Hongshik chuckles, hand deftly navigating towards the browser bar and typing in an address.

“They’re not that bad,” Changkyun murmurs, gaze drifting down towards the stage in front of the room, where the idols are seated with their fans across the table from them. Their music video is being projected on the screen behind them, but silently as to not disturb the room’s inhabitants. On the stage, Jooheon tilts his head forward and allows one of the fans to place a flower crown on his head, leaning back after she’s done placing it and giving her a gummy smile. The fan coos and Changkyun huffs under his breath, trying to hide his laughter. 

Feeling a bit tired from waking up so early, Changkyun settles back into his seat and pulls out his phone and his earbuds. “Do you mind if I listen to music, hyung? If I don’t, I might fall asleep.”

“Go ahead,” Hongsik agrees, voice distracted with his current task. 

Changkyun listens to music and sinks back into his seat, music covering the sounds of the idols and the fans chatter.

His eyes stray around the room, idly and bored. Eventually, he looks at the ceiling and focuses on the music. He doesn’t realize when he falls asleep.

+

“Changkyun-ah,” Dongwoon murmurs, gently shaking his shoulder.

Changkyun groans as he wakes up, noticing that he’s slumped so far into the chair that he’s nearly become a part of it.

“That can’t be comfortable,” Dongwoon says with a short laugh. 

“It’s really not,” Changkyun agrees as he quickly stands up, shaking his head back and forth and rubbing his eyes. 

“Sorry, didn’t mean to fall asleep.” 

“It’s okay,” Dongwoon says. “Come on, we’re all packed up. Let’s go.”

Changkyun belatedly nods in response and follows after the older intern, trailing him outside. Changkyun starts heading for the van to sit with the rest of the idols by instinct, but Dongwoon places an arm on his shoulder and starts leading him to his car, instead. “I just found this new artist I think you’d like, come on. I’ll play them for you.”

Changkyun, still somewhat disoriented, follows the older man without a second thought.

For the rest of the day—and Changkyun won’t really recognize the staff’s actions until later—Changkyun is kept busy with stuff behind the scenes. Enough that he doesn’t even realize that he doesn’t get any time to be near the idols for any reason.

Later that night, he carries Jinhee’s backpack inside the building, arms laden with belts and makeup bags and a pair of Hyungwon’s clunky black performance shoes. He’s just exiting a room on the second floor when he spies the rest of the group walking towards him. 

“Hey,” Changkyun greets, “I’m not ready to go so I can’t drive you home yet. You can ask Hongshik to take you back to the dorm if you’re really tired.” 

“Changkyun, we’ve got a slight problem,” Kihyun starts, before Gunhee shoves past the short vocal and keeps walking, coming to a stop right in front of Changkyun, leaning into his space without a care.

“You’re I.M?”

Changkyun steps back, surprised, taking in the furious scowl on Gunhee’s face. Instead of responding, he glances back to Kihyun and frowns, trying to figure out what the hell is going on. “What are you talking about?” Changkyun belatedly asks, looking back and forth between the idols.

“Jooheon posted a picture of you two on twitter last night, from the music video shoot. One of the fans recognized you, from… you know, your old group Nu’Bility? And from there, other people started digging up information about you. Your info was leaked,” Hyunwoo reveals with an apologetic grimace.

“When you say info,” Changkyun murmurs, sounding dazed.

“You know, in all of the months we’ve known you, you never once thought to fucking mention that you were almost added to No.Mercy? When we were working on music together, you never thought you mention that you’re a rapper? Never did it cross your mind to _not lie to us?”_ Jooheon forces out through clenched teeth, eyes looking murderous.

Changkyun feels something like lead sinking to the bottom of his stomach. “I never lied,” he states, sounding a hell of a lot more confident than he feels.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Gunhee’s voice is clipped and hard when he speaks, still looming above him and Hoseok reaches out an arm and pulls Gunhee back by force, pulling him away from Changkyun.

“You never asked, how could I lie about something when it was never brought up,” Changkyun defends himself, glancing away from Gunhee and focusing on anything else but the furious rapper.

“Well guess what, truth by omission is still a _lie!”_

Changkyun opens his mouth, but when not a single word comes to mind, he shuts it again.

“Aren’t you going to say anything?”

“Gunhee, that’s enough,” Hyunwoo says sternly. “It’s not that big of a deal, okay? Changkyun doesn’t owe you an explanation.”

“Hyung, you can’t expect us to be okay with it! And it’s not fair, all of you, except for Hyungwon, already knew about it! You knew from nearly the beginning, and you chose not to say anything to the rest of us! Why?”

Changkyun’s head snaps up so fast he nearly gets whiplash. He stares at the idols, eyes widening unintentionally. “You knew?” he stutters out and Kihyun bites his lip and nods, Hoseok looking sheepish beside him.

“We heard Seulgi talking about it one day...” Minhyuk reveals. “And actually, Kihyun figured it out almost from the beginning, but he stayed quiet about it.” 

“Oh… of course,” Changkyun laughs a little bitterly, rubbing the heels of his hands against his eyes. “This is exactly how I wanted you to find out, this is great, this is amazing.”

“Were you even planning to tell us or were you going to keep lying to our faces for as long as possible?” Gunhee sneers and Minhyuk shushes him, placing his arm on his shoulder which is almost immediately shaken off by the aggravated rapper.

“Piss off Minhyuk, don’t fucking touch me.”

Minhyuk allows himself to be brushed off, keeping silent although his lips quirk down the slightest amount, the only sign that he’s upset. 

“Enough is enough,” Changkyun growls, voice rough and sounding wrecked all the same. “You’re being rude to Minhyuk-ssi and to everyone else. You and Jooheon-ssi can be mad at me all you want, I don’t care, but you don’t get to be an asshole to everyone else simply because you’re pissed at me. Your teammates don’t deserve your ire.”

“_You_ sure as hell deserve it!” Jooheon fumes, ears an ugly shade of mottled red.

“Yes, damn it, _I know_,” Changkyun interrupts. “But it’s late, you’re all tired and you have to be up in less than five hours. Go home and get some sleep. You can argue with me when you’re not about to keel over from exhaustion.”

“Changkyun,” Hyungwon starts, sounding pained. “Don’t listen to these idiots, I promise that they just need time—”

Changkyun crosses his arms and looks away from the raven haired man, feeling drained. “Go home. I mean it. There’s no point in arguing my case with Jooheon and Gunhee because they won’t listen to me. Until they’re ready to listen, there’s no point in wasting my breath. Please get them out of my hair.”

“Don’t talk about us as if we’re not right here! And that’s not fair, you can’t just fucking get rid of us so you don’t have to explain why you lied to us for so long!” Jooheon grits out.

“I have a job to do,” Changkyun hisses back. “It’s late, it’s goddamn eleven at night and I still have to help Dongwoon bring in your fan gifts from the van. If you want me to quit, then fine, but at least let me finish my shift today. I’m not going to fucking rage quit and leave everyone else inconvenienced just because you’re mad at me.”

Jooheon reels back, surprised, and even Gunhee’s furious scowl turns into one of angry confusion.

“This is getting way out of hand. You’re not quitting, don’t be ridiculous,” Kihyun grunts, reaching for Jooheon and pulling him away from Changkyun once again.

“We’re leaving, I’ll drive us home,” Hyunwoo agrees. “Changkyun-ah, I know you’re upset, but please don’t act drastically. We’ll make sure Jooheon and Gunhee leave you alone.”

“Hyung!” Jooheon growls, who is quickly hushed by Hyungwon who places a hand above his mouth, muffling the ensuing curses.

“Either you come willingly or I drag you home with us. Just think about the fact that you’re acting like a child,” Hoseok murmurs against Gunhee’s ear, who flushes dark red, still scowling at Changkyun in angry confusion. Without a word, Gunhee turns around and leaves, shaking off Kihyun’s hold on Jooheon and leading him away with an arm around his shoulders, neither of them looking back. Kihyun follows a few steps behind, making sure that the rappers don’t turn around to cause another scene.

“Well, that went well,” Minhyuk says, “could have been worse to be honest, I was expecting–” his sentence is abruptly cut off when Hyungwon elbows his side to shut him up.

“Let’s go,” Hyungwon murmurs, pulling Minhyuk along.

With most of the group gone, Changkyun is left to stare at Hoseok and Hyunwoo, who are both looking at him with sympathy clear in their eyes. 

“I’m really sorry that your info got leaked,” Hyunwoo says, reaching up to ruffle his styled hair. “Especially since Jooheon didn’t ask for your permission before posting a photo of you online… but don’t worry, we’ve already told Hongshik hyung about it and the rest of the Starship staff. PR will take care of it.”

“It’ll blow over soon,” Hoseok agrees, hand coming up to rest on Changkyun’s shoulder.

Changkyun sighs and looks away, angry despite their reassuring words. He doesn’t want to be reassured, he wants to punch the wall and yell and curse. He restrains himself, because there’s no point in being angry when it won’t stop his information from spreading online. The more he thinks about it, the more he starts to feel panicked instead of angry, enough that he has to stuff his hands into his pockets to hide the fact that they’re shaking.

Hoseok and Hyunwoo must be more perceptive than he thought, because Hoseok frowns as he takes in his expression. “Do you want to come home with us, Changkyun-ah? Dongwoon can cover for you tonight if you need, and I can drive you in a separate car so you don’t have to deal with Gunhee and Jooheon.”

“Hoseok-ssi, it’s fine, you can leave,” Changkyun says thickly, trying to will away the nerves in his stomach making his gut cramp. “I’m not going to leave Dongwoon to do all the work, that’s not fair. And besides, I’d rather be alone right now. I’m not in a good mood,” he admits. 

“Understandably,” Hyunwoo murmurs. “Okay, we’ll leave you alone for now. If you don’t want to sleep in the dorm tonight, please stay with Dongwoon or Hongshik hyung. Just text us so that we know that you’re safe.”

Changkyun nods and stays quiet, watching Hoseok and Hyunwoo walk to the elevator down the hall. As soon as they’re both gone, Changkyun turns around and enters the closest practice room. Finally, he allows the feelings he’s been burying to surface, legs shaking and breath coming out way too quick. He staggers to the padded seats by the window, allows his body to sag against the hard wall behind him. It’s dark in the room, the dim yellow light of the streetlamp outside only faintly illuminating the floor and glowing dully in the full-length mirrors that cover nearly all the walls. 

With only the quiet surrounding him, Changkyun’s anger simmers down slowly, fading away. With the anger mostly gone, he’s left with something that makes his stomach cramp unpleasantly, and since there’s nobody around to see him, he allows himself to pull his knees in and curl up on the padded seat, feeling miserable.

He’s afraid, plain and simple. It’s hard to tell what he’s more afraid of, losing his job as an intern when he’s finally found his place in life, or losing Jooheon and Gunhee. He doesn’t even have them because they’re not his in the first place and he doesn’t understand why he’s feeling possessive.

It hurts to think about the duo’s angry outburst from earlier and their bitter words keep repeating in his mind. He knows that everything is essentially his fault for having lied from the very beginning, but even if he had the chance to go back and change the fact that he’s hidden his identity from them and actually told them the truth from the start, he knows that he wouldn’t do it. No matter what, Changkyun doesn’t regret getting close to them, doesn’t regret the decisions that led to him sitting here in the dark practice room. Even if they hate him from now on, at least he got to meet them and become friends with them. It’s better than nothing, more than he imagined would ever come out of this whole facade.

+

Despite his reluctance to return to the dorm, he finds himself taking off his shoes at the entryway a couple of hours later. After putting away his shoes in the assigned cubby hole and putting on his slippers, he walks quietly down the hall. Passing by the kitchen, he stops and stares at a container of food placed in the center of the kitchen island. There's a note attached, a simple and short apology from Kihyun about hiding the fact that he knew the truth from the very beginning. Changkyun finds himself snorting at the short missive before he takes the still warm container and stuffs it in the fridge. It's close to one in the morning and he definitely shouldn't be eating so late at night. Besides, he's not even hungry.

Changkyun turns off the lights and heads to his room, dragging his feet the whole way there.

+

The next morning, Changkyun wakes up a little earlier than usual and drives to Starship to talk to Hongshik and the staff in charge of PR. 

Although the staff mean well, dealing with everything is still a headache. He’s told to keep a low profile without giving the media any attention. Nobody really knows how his audition tape for Starship got leaked, or even some of the recorded dance practices that were shot when he was still a trainee. The lack of information is frustrating to say the least, and it seems that the harried staff can’t do a single thing to stop his information from spreading online. No matter how many notices that Starship sends out warning netizens to delete his information, it inevitably spreads in numerous other forum threads and through social media. 

After a few hours of this, Changkyun is tired of hearing the talkative head of PR telling him to keep his head down. He agrees once again and sends a glance to Hongshik, who shouldn’t even be here, but with the group he’s in charge of.

“Hyung, let’s just go. I know what the group’s schedule is for today, we don’t have time to waste here,” Changkyun murmurs quietly during a lull in conversation.

Hongshik furrows his brows and sighs. “I know the group is busy, but this is still important. Are you sure you want to leave?”

Changkyun takes a sip of coffee gone cold and nods in acceptance. “Yes, please. I just… I need something to do to keep me busy. I can’t do anything about my info leaking online, but I can at least go to work like normal. It’ll help me take my mind off things.”

“Well, we won’t stop you kid. I admire your work ethic, especially in a case like this. Just keep in mind to—”

_Keep your head down_, Changkyun quietly repeats in his head.

“I think he’s got the idea by now,” a severe looking woman seated on Changkyun’s right side says. She smiles at Changkyun, the slightest amount. She’s been quiet up till now, but her hands have been continuously typing on her laptop, sending cease and desist messages to whatever website pops up with his information. 

The head of PR coughs at the interruption, looking slightly chastised. “Well, you’re free to go Im-ssi, and like I said, we’ll continue to try to stop the spread of information. Thank you for being patient with us.”

Changkyun nods, bowing deeply before he leaves. He follows Hongshik back to his car, where the older man glances at him and frowns.

“You’ve got some really bad luck, kid, don’t you?” Hongshik says amiably before patting him on the shoulder. “Go pick up some lunch for yourself, and then you’re free to resume your normal schedule. I’m heading out to pick up some shoelaces for Gunhee, but I’ll meet you at the waiting room for Inkigayo.”

Changkyun hesitates, hand on the handle of his car. He turns around to stare at Hongshik. “Did Gunhee lose his shoelaces or something?”

Hongshik laughs. “His left shoelace ripped somehow, during the practice stage. I’m not sure how he managed to do that, but I’m not exactly surprised.”

Changkyun’s mouth quirks up the slightest amount. “Well, I’m honestly not that hungry but I don’t mind going to pick up the shoelaces. You should probably be heading back to the music show soon. Who knows what they’d do without you.”

“I left Jinhee in charge, so they're probably doing better than you think,” Hongshik chuckles. Still, he agrees with Changkyun’s offer and he drives off soon after. Changkyun follows behind, heading for the shopping center close by. When he arrives at Inkigayo after he’s finished with his errand, he flashes his backstage pass and walks through the crowded halls until he finally arrives at the waiting room. 

The room is loud and busy, as always. Kihyun’s voice echoes across the room as he warms up his voice. Changkyun’s shoulders are tense beyond belief, but still he tries to follow his normal routine. It would be easier if it wasn’t for the fact that Gunhee and Jooheon are so obviously ignoring him. Changkyun has his own way of doing things, but he finds himself switching tasks with Dongwoon to avoid contact with the two quietly furious rappers. He unpacks the in-ear equipment and hands off the rapper’s in-ears to the older intern without a word, taking charge of helping Kihyun, Hyunwoo and Hyungwon. 

Kihyun tries to engage him in conversation and Changkyun responds absentmindedly, intent on his job. Once he’s done with that, he grabs a blow dryer and helps Haeun out by helping to dry Hyungwon’s hair, slick from the sweat accumulated by the earlier dance practice. 

After the group leaves for the final recording, Changkyun can’t help but feel relieved. The tension between him and the rappers is practically visible, and the atmosphere in the dressing room feels stifling to him. He takes the chance to check his phone since he felt it buzzing in his pocket earlier. Seeing several missed calls from his mom on the screen, he grimaces. No doubt they’ve already found out that his information’s been sold and that he wasn’t able to debut in an idol group like he’d promised he’d do. He’s definitely not calling back, he’d rather not be subjected to a tongue-lashing any time soon, no matter how much he deserves it for lying to them. Determinedly putting his phone on the counter and walking away to get a bottle of water, he tries to put the matter out of his mind.

Changkyun gets caught up in all of the little nuances of the day, keeping quiet and only speaking up when it becomes absolutely necessary. When it's time for lunch, Jinhee grabs him by the shoulder and forces him to sit down next to her, unpacking a sandwich from one of the takeout bags and placing it in Changkyun's hands. 

"Eat," she says strictly, tearing off a bite of her own sandwich. 

"I'm not that hungry," Changkyun protests.

"Shut up. Eat or I'll smack you," Jinhee huffs.

Changkyun reluctantly takes a bite of his sandwich, ignoring Hyungwon's quiet laughter from the next seat over. 

He's a quarter of the way finished with his sandwich when his phone starts vibrating with a notification. He ignores it, idly wondering if it’s his mom calling him again. A second later, his phone gets a second notification and shortly after, a third. Reaching for the phone sitting a few feet away, he starts to unlock the phone and clicks on the first message, frowning at the unknown number.

unknown number  
  
Oppa ~ can u plz give me Wonho oppa's number??? Pretty plz ^_^  
  


Changkyun snorts at the childish message and clicks on the second.

unknown number  
  
Die, scum.  
  


Well, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out that his cell phone number’s been leaked. It was only a matter of time, really. Rolling his eyes, Changkyun ignores the rest of the incoming text messages and logs into his private Twitter account, quickly deactivating the account followed by his Facebook and Instagram accounts. His private accounts are under his English name so they haven’t been found yet, but there’s no point in delaying the inevitable.

“Fucking damn it,” Jinhee hisses, glaring at Changkyun’s phone as she finishes her own lunch. “I didn’t think your phone number would get sold, these fucking lowlife bitches don’t have anything better to do?”

“Noona, chill,” Changkyun mumbles, trying to shush her. It’s a little too late, she’s gotten the group’s attention and they turn to stare at Changkyun in confusion.

“What’s wrong?” Hoseok asks, sounding concerned.

“Nothing,” Changkyun lies. “I’ve got an errand to run. Noona, do you mind if I leave?”

“You don’t have to ask, just go, Changkyun-ah,” Jinhee sighs, “I’ll tell Hongshik.”

Changkyun murmurs a thank you before he leaves without another word, leaving behind a myriad of confused expressions.

+

After he’s done switching his phone number at the cell phone store, Changkyun sends his new contact number to his family via text. Inevitably, he gets an incoming call from his mother right away. Feeling like the lowest scum on earth, he ignores it and instead call HR to tell them about the most recent update in the situation. After he’s done with that, Changkyun sits in his car and breathes, trying to decide whether he has the energy and drive to head to the group’s next scheduled event. He glances at the work calendar on his phone and blinks when he notices the date.

Today’s apparently the last music show performance for this round of promotions. It’s weird, Changkyun knew this date was coming but it still managed to sneak up on him, this comeback passed so fast. 

According to the calendar, the group has a single day of rest before they have to fly to LA for KCON. Changkyun almost wishes that he wasn’t accompanying him on the trip because he’s just so stressed out by everything. At the same time, he couldn’t possibly ask to stay home, he feels responsible for helping the group navigate their first appearance in America.

Taking a long, deep breath, Changkyun puts the key in the ignition and starts to drive. He never does make it back to the Inkigayo building but he stops by a bakery on his way home and buys an assortment of goodies for the group so that they can celebrate their last day of promotions. After dropping off the baked goods on the kitchen counter, Changkyun falls into bed and sets his alarm for early next morning when he’ll pack up and get ready for the trip. It’s a little depressing being in bed and under the covers at barely past five, but he just… he just needs some time to recharge from everything.

He feels so conflicted by the recent events surrounding his true identity. He feels guilty for not answering his mom’s phone calls, and he’s more than a little pissed that he had to deactivate his private accounts. He still doesn’t know how Kihyun figured out that he used to be a trainee that almost entered No.Mercy, or why Hyunwoo, Hoseok and Minkyuk had chosen to keep his secret once they found out. He doesn’t understand why they let this farce go on for so long. 

More than that, he’s angry at Jooheon and Gunhee but he doesn’t know why, his own anger is irrational. It’s not like the rappers’ anger is misplaced, not really. Maybe it’s just his gut reaction to be angry at the rappers who are furious with him in return. A self-defense mechanism or something. Or maybe it’s the fact that if he’s not angry at them, his feelings will circle right back around to being crushingly sad and he’ll get overwhelmed by their refusal to even look at him or touch him.

Feeling acid churning in his stomach, Changkyun groans and buries his face in his pillow harder.

It’s okay, it’s not like he needs sleep.

+

The next morning, Changkyun’s alarm wakes him up even earlier than normal. Changkyun gets up like there’s a fire lit under his ass, throwing clothes into a suitcase and packing his toiletries. He packs his laptop and a notebook and pen to write, just in case. After packing in record time, Changkyun enters the living room to the sight of half the group up and awake, wandering around the dorm in a similar state of hurried packing. 

“Here, coffee,” Hyungwon says once he spots him, handing over a half-empty cup. Changkyun doesn’t complain, just swallows the dark coffee in one shot and hands back the cup. 

“Thanks,” Changkyun mutters, grabbing his shoes near the door and quickly putting them on. “To be honest, I’m surprised you’re awake. I’d already set alarms to wake you up like 10 minutes before we left.”

Kihyun snorts as he passes by on his way to the kitchen, a croissant in hand. “I’m surprised too…”

Hyungwon shrugs, grabbing an ipad from the coffee table and browsing through Twitter. “I knew I’d have a hard time waking up so I didn’t even bother falling asleep last night, I just stayed up late gaming.”

“You’re either a genius, or an idiot. Probably just an idiot,” Minhyuk pipes up, sitting down on the sofa next to Hyungwon and leaning his head against the younger man’s shoulder, yawning.

“Minhyuk, are you done packing? If so, help us take the suitcases downstairs,” Hyunwoo asks quietly, hair standing up in a gravity-defying way.

“Okay, but brush your hair first, hyung. You look ridiculous,” Minhyuk cackles as he takes a glance at their tired leader.

Changkyun helps Hyunwoo and Minhyuk take the suitcases to the elevator and downstairs to the van. Hongshik arrives soon after and helps them load the suitcases into the back. Once it becomes clear that everything won’t fit in the trunk, Changkyun offers up his car to finish loading everything up.

‘I’ll just drive separately,” Changkyun reassures the manager with a slight shrug.

“Okay, thanks kid,” Hongshik says with a pat on the shoulder. “Well, it looks like we’ve got around 25ish or so minutes before we have to leave. I’m going to the gas station because I forgot to fill up the tank, I’ll be right back.”

Changkyun waves off the older man and then returns to the dorm after Hyunwoo. 

“You should eat some breakfast, there’s still some bread left from yesterday,” Hyunwoo tries to convince him. “Thanks, by the way, it was a nice treat once we got home.”

Changkyun chuckles, “I know you love bread, I’m glad you enjoyed it.”

Taking the older man’s advice, Changkyun enters the kitchen and catches sight of Jooheon sitting down at the table also eating breakfast. The older rapper looks barely awake, chewing his food quietly. Changkyun debates sitting at the table but decides to stand near the counter instead, giving Jooheon some space to avoid starting an argument.

“Here, I fixed you a proper cup,” Kihyun motions as he hands over a cup of coffee. “I know you’re driving your car, I don’t want you to wreck from lack of sleep.”

“I slept fine,” Changkyun disputes, taking a sip from the warm beverage. 

“Yeah, okay, then why do you have dark circles under your eyes?” Kihyun snorts, walking to the center of the table and grabbing a muffin that he takes a large bite of.

“Oh, I forgot to do my makeup,” Changkyun realizes with annoyance.

“Do you want me to grab you some concealer and powder?” Hyungwon asks as he comes to stand next to Changkyun, casually using his shoulder as an armrest.

Changkyun shakes his head in response, quietly watching the rest of the members as they also start to eat. 

Hyunwoo and Kihyun both look a little restless, they were both probably eager to get to the airport. Hoseok is making a healthy smoothie a few feet away and the awful green color is enough to make everyone grimace as they catch sight of the swirling liquid.

“That can’t be edible,” Gunhee says through a disgusted face, passing by Hoseok to sit next to Jooheon.

“Your face isn’t edible,” Hoseok responds mindlessly, adding more spinach into the blender. 

“Why is it so green? Did you add cucumbers?” Minhyuk complains, making fake retching sounds.

“Just because you don’t like cucumbers, it doesn’t mean everyone is like you,” Jooheon teases, poking Minhyuk’s stomach. 

It’s another typical morning despite their atypical destination, and Changkyun soaks up the chatter as he rinses out his cup and starts washing the dishes piled up in the sink.

“Just put them to soak,” Hyungwon tries to convince him, watching him. 

“No disrespect, but that’s disgusting, Hyungwon-ssi,” Changkyun murmurs, splashing the older man with soapy water.

“You should call me hyung, Changkyun-ah,” Hyungwon insists, grabbing a dish towel to dry the wet dishes.

“Ew, do I have to?” Changkyun jokes, letting out a small laugh.

“Well, it’s only polite, _dongsaeng_,” Gunhee says half-sarcastically, watching Changkyun through serious, hooded eyes. Gunhee looks tired as well, face a little pale and haggard from lack of sleep. He’s not being overly hostile, but his tone suggests that he’s not being friendly either. 

“Changkyun-ah doesn’t have to call us anything, he’s always treated us politely. I mean, he’s been using honorifics all the while. That’s more than I can say for you, Gunhee-ah,” Hoseok says calmly, taking a sip of his smoothie. He lets out a satisfied sound at the taste and starts to pour the green concoction into a tumbler to take with him. 

Gunhee harrumphs in response, but stays quiet. Jooheon leans his head against Gunhee’s shoulder and murmurs something and only then does Gunhee look away, starting a quiet conversation between the two.

“God, this is painful to watch,” Hyungwon groans before he leaves to go put on some shoes. Changkyun doesn’t know what the hell he’s talking about, so he ignores him.

Soon enough, Hongshik arrives in the van and it’s time for them to go. Changkyun parts ways with the group and heads for his car, following behind the van as they head for the airport. 

Changkyun’s gone overseas several times, so the process of going through security and checking in bags isn’t anything new. This time, the process is made a bit more difficult than normal because of the fans following them, armed with cameras. Even then, it’s not too bad since they’re keeping their distance from the idols for the most part. Changkyun and Dongwoon keep to the back of the group, both of them on alert just in case. 

“Hyung, I think I lost my passport,” Hyungwon says when they’re about to check in, looking through his backpack frantically. 

Hongshik drops his own carry on bag on the ground and instantly starts looking through Hyungwon’s backpack, trying to help him find the missing passport.

“Hyungwonnie, no offense, but I want to strangle you,” Dongwoon says, looking close to tears as he notices how close they are to the front of the line.

“I always want to strangle him, full offense,” Kihyun scoffs before he pushes Hyungwon aside and pretty much upends Hyungwon’s items on the floor, looking through the mess to search for the missing passport. The sound of camera shutters frantically going off soon follows.

Changkyun purses his lips and watches the proceedings while glancing around. It’s only by chance that he catches what happens next—for some inexplicable reason, a female fan suddenly rushes at the group, squealing Jooheon’s name.

“Watch out!” Changkyun yells in warning, quickly intercepting the fan before she’s able to touch Jooheon. Changkyun takes the full brunt of the attack as the fan practically tackles him and sends him crashing to the ground. The fall is not graceful, and neither is the ensuing fight that follows as the fan frantically tries to pull away from Changkyun to get closer to her idol. She’s wearing a camera, and the heavy metal thing smacks into Changkyun’s face full on, hard enough that he feels a loud and ominous crack.

“Back off!” Dongwoon growls, grabbing the girl’s arm and wrenching her back. Hyunwoo jumps in and helps to move her away from the group.

“Changkyun-ah!” Jinhee yells, kneeling down. “Are you okay?”

“M’fine,” Changkyun tries to say, sounding dazed. His nose hurts like hell and he groans, hands coming up to cup his bleeding nose. All around him, Changkyun can hear yelling and worried shouts from the fans. The Starship and airport staff form a cluster around the group, trying to figure out what the hell happened and trying to keep order amongst all the chaos. 

Changkyun’s too dazed to pay attention to what happens next, but the next thing he knows, he’s being led to a seat and the whole group is in a private waiting area. Someone hands him a damp paper towel and instructs him to keep pressure on either side of his nose to stem the flow of blood and Chankgyun can feel it running down his lips and chin, painting the lower half of his face bright red.

“Shit, I can’t believe it, the fucking nerve,” Hoseok hisses a few feet away, sounding agitated.

“Listen, Changkyun-ah, I’m going to take you to a doctor alright? Just give us about fifteen or so minutes until the staff sends an all-clear and then I’ll drive you to the hospital,” Jinhee says beside him, hands deftly searching through an emergency kit that the airport staff had handed her. She pulls out a roll of gauze and starts unrolling it. 

“-wadh? Nohh, id’s fibe, id’ll stob soon,” Changkyun says through a clogged nose, trying to furtively clean his face with the sleeve of his sweatshirt. 

“Stop, you’re making it worse,” Kihyun admonishes, pulling away his arm and wiping at his chin and neck with more damp paper towels.

“Are you sure you don’t want to go somewhere?” Hoseok asks, observing the way the paper towel around his nose starts soaking through with blood. 

“Nohhh, Ib not mis’ng da flight,” Changkyun grits out. 

“I knew you’d say that, you stubborn brat. Here, switch,” Jinhee instructs, handing Changkyun the gauze. Changkyun throws the soaked paper towel into the open trash bag that Hyunwoo holds out and quickly grabs the gauze and applies pressure to his nose once again, ignoring the hisses of sympathy that follow when everyone is able to see the bruises forming around his nose. Dongwoon breaks through the circle around Changkyun and offers up an ice pack. 

Changkyun quickly cradles it to his nose and sighs in relief when the cold starts to numb the pain. “Thabks,” he murmurs, leaning back against the chair to try and relax. His muscles still feel tense, like the adrenaline rush from the sudden attack hasn’t gone away yet. “Is e’vryone ohkay?”

“Yeah,” Hyungwon says, arms crossed over his chest. He looked surly over the incident. “Security’s holding the person responsible, and Hongshik hyung’s called some additional staff to handle the incident. Starship is filing charges against her.”

“Fucking good,” Gunhee grouses from a few feet away, looking pissed. Changkyun startles at the anger in the rapper’s voice and he glances at the older man. Gunhee catches his curious gaze and stills for a second before he looks away without another word, eyes glued to the floor. 

“Are you really sure you don’t want to go to the doctor? What if your nose is broken?” Minhyuk asks, sounding worried as he sits next to Changkyun.

Changkyun laughs. “It’s noht,” he manages to say, waving away Minhyuk’s concern. When nobody else laughs with him, his laugh turns into a sigh. “I’ve acshually broken my nose bef’re soh I knoh what it feels like. Dis tibe it’s noht broken, I’m shure.”

Although everyone grumbles, they respect his decision to decline medical care. It takes about ten long minutes, but eventually Changkyun’s nose stops bleeding. His clothes are ruined, and his hands are stained red.

“I’b gonna go clean up,” Changkyun says after a few more minutes of enduring Jinhee and Kihyun’s forceful care. Kihyun and Hyungwon follow him into the men’s room, Kihyun with his carry-on. “I have some makeup if you want to try and cover up the bruise,” the older man says, patting his bag. 

“Nah,” Changkyun says, bending down in front of the sink and gently dabbing his face with cold water. 

“When did you break your nose?” Hyungwon wonders as he leans against the sink, looking grossly fascinated at the purple and red coloring spreading across Changkyun’s face. 

“Y’rs ago, doesn’t matter,” Changkyun murmurs.

“Did you get in a fight?” Hyungwon inquires, sounding curious. Changkyun laughs, remembering the fight that had broken out between the oldest members of his old group, Nu’Bility. He can’t remember the details, he just remembers trying to break up the fight and getting punched in the face accidentally. His then-leader had been so apologetic that he’d bought lunch for Changkyun for weeks after, even after the bruises had gone away. 

“I wass trying to stob one,” Changkyun snorts with laughter, hissing at the flare of pain that follows.

“Yah, don’t talk if it hurts, dummy,” Kihyun says, smacking him in the shoulder. Changkyun takes his advice and shuts up while he finishes cleaning up.

The door opens and closes once again and Changkyun straightens up from his previous slouch over the sink, jolting in place once he catches sight of Jooheon standing a few feet away. “Noona bought you some clothes, since most of our luggage is already checked in,” Jooheon explains quietly, walking forward and setting down the bag next to Changkyun.

“Thabks,” Changkyun says, reaching for another paper towel to start wiping his neck. His arms are a bit of a mess as well, so instead of pulling up the shirt sleeves, he opts to take off the shirt entirely for better access.

Jooheon lets out a strange, strangled sound that makes Hyungwon erupt into gleeful laughter.

“Wow, I’m so glad I was here to witness that,” Hyungwon says, laughing harder when he notices Jooheon’s reddening ears.

“Come on, you idiot,” Kihyun says as he grabs Hyungwon and starts to drag him away. “Changkyun-ah, we’ll leave you to it. We’ve still got half-an-hour to board, so clean up and come out when you’re ready.”

Once the vocals are gone, the bathroom descends into silence. Changkyun continues cleaning himself while avoiding Jooheon’s lingering gaze. He’d have thought that Jooheon would follow after the vocals, but he stays in place and watches Changkyun while he finishes cleaning himself from any traces of blood. Changkyun opens up the bag of new clothes and throws on the new garments, glad that the shirt is loose and comfortable, perfect for travel.

“Are you okay?” Jooheon eventually asks, fingers fidgeting with his sleeves. He looks uncomfortable for some reason, and Changkyun can only surmise that the rapper is trying to hold back his previous anger in light of the incident.

“M’fine,” Changkyun says, reaching for the black facemask that Jinhee had enough foresight to buy. Changkyun puts on the mask and feels better with the fabric covering his face. “You can goh, you don’t hab to stay, Jooheon-sshi.”

Jooheon grimaces at the honorific. “Please.. Call me hyung.”

Changkyun smiles but the mask covers the gesture. “Ohkay.”

After putting the stained clothes into a bag, Changkyun leaves the men’s room followed by Jooheon walking beside him. It feels weird, being so close to the person that had been cursing him out only days ago. Jooheon looks like he wants to say something, mouth opening and quickly closing shut, as if he was having trouble coming up with the words he wanted to say. 

“Thanks,” Jooheon finally says seriously, mouth set into a tight line. “I wish you hadn’t done that, but I do appreciate it. Just.. just promise me that you won’t do it again.” 

“I can’t probisse dat, it’s my job,” Changkyun says and instantly regrets it when Jooheon’s mouth curves down in obvious disappointment. 

“It’s not your job to put our safety first, you’re not a bodyguard,” Jooheon states, eyebrows furrowed.

“I’m—” Changkyun starts to say, before he’s so rudely interrupted.

“—Shut up, brat, don’t speak when its causing you pain,” Jinhee grunts, arm wrapping around his shoulder. Jinhee leads Changkyun to a seat, leaving Jooheon standing there, dumbfounded.

Changkyun half wants to argue and half wants to fall asleep. As much as he hates to admit it, he’s tired from the whole ordeal. “Hag,” Changkyun accuses mulishly, but he leans his head against the older woman’s shoulder and within a few seconds, he’s out like a light.

+

The flight to the states passes by without further incident. Changkyun sleeps through most of the flight, using Dongwoon as an unwilling pillow.

The rest of the trip is uneventful for Changkyun, who finds himself tailing after the group to help them navigate through the English speaking country. Changkyun helps check everyone in, orders food, and generally stands right next to the group at nearly all times to help provide translations. It’s not so bad overall, not as much as he’d been dreading. Watching the K-con stage is extremely fun as well, and Changkyun watches the group connect and have fun with the other K-pop groups in attendance. 

Even though he enjoys the trip, he feels so glad when they finally arrive back home. Changkyun unpacks his clothes and hands them over for Hoseok to wash, since it’s his turn. Once he’s finished putting everything away, including the new notebooks he’d bought overseas, Changkyun feels restless. Without much thought, he grabs his laptop and puts on his shoes, waving goodbye at Minhyuk who’s become one with the couch.

He drives his car to the studio, and calls his mom over bluetooth on the way there. She’s mad at first, but her anger quickly turns into worry. After countless reassurances that he’s alright, and that the info leak was mostly under control, the conversation turns to his profession. 

“Baby, are you sure this is what you want to do?” His mom asks once again, sounding anxious.

Changkyun sighs. “Mom, I’m sorry, but I’m just not interested in college. I know you and dad are disappointed, but just... just trust me. I’m happy, mom, I know it sounds ridiculous, but I enjoy my job. I get to work with music and be around music all day long. I get to work with people who are just as passionate about music as I am. It’s all I ever wanted.” 

“Changkyun-ah, of course we’re not disappointed,” his mother insists. 

“Don’t think so badly of your parents,” his father’s voice suddenly rings out. Changkyun startles at the sound. He hasn’t spoken to his father in months now. 

“Dad—” 

“We want the best for you, that’s all. If what you’re doing right now truly makes you happy, then don’t let us stop you. Just be careful, son,” his dad pleads seriously. 

Changkyun breathes a bit shakily, before he agrees. “Of course, dad. Thank you.” The phone call ends soon after and Changkyun finishes the drive to the Starship building in silence, ruminating on the conversation.

He takes the elevator up to the third floor, walks to an empty studio and sets up his laptop and his writing notebook next to him. Intent on writing lyrics, Changkyun doesn’t notice the hours pass.

“I told you he’d be here,” Jooheon says, and Changkyun looks up from the desk, turning down the volume on the music sample currently playing. 

“Hey,” Changkyun greets, watching Jooheon walking to the couch in the corner, Gunhee following behind him like usual. Once everyone is seated down, there’s a moment of silence. Changkyun doesn’t know what to say, or why the rappers are there in the first place. He’d be worried about another fight starting out if it wasn’t for the fact that he’d been treated like glass the past week because of his injury. Even now, he sees Jooheon glancing at his bruised nose. Although the injury is mostly healed, the skin around his nose is still discolored and sensitive to touch.

“Okay, I’m just going to get straight to the point,” Gunhee suddenly speaks out, breaking the silence. “We want to know why you lied to us. Just… Just why? I really don’t understand the reasoning.”

Of course Gunhee would start off with the most difficult question to answer. Changkyun sighs as he leans back against the office chair, hands reaching up to card through his hair nervously. 

“Look, I don’t even… have a clear answer, to be honest, but I can try to explain it if it means that much to you. I guess I should start from the beginning,” Changkyun says, thinking back to the events that led to him becoming an intern. “Starting from age sixteen, I trained to be an idol under Special K entertainment with plans to debut with a group named Nu’Bility. We trained for a couple of years and our first mini-album was almost done recording but ultimately, the group dissolved before we were able to debut because the company went under. Ran out of cash or something. To be honest, the CEO was always a little shady, so I guess it didn’t surprise me when it happened.”

Throat suddenly feeling dry, Changkyun stops for a second to take a drink. Noticing Jooheon’s uncomfortable frown and Gunhee’s intense expression, Changkyun pointedly looks away from the rappers, determined to finish the conversation as soon as possible.

“I was lucky, I guess. One of my demos made it to Starship somehow, I think my old manager was trying to help me out. Either way, I was pretty surprised when Starship sent me an offer to buy my contract from Special K before it could fold. Of course I accepted, and I started training at Starship earlier this year. You know the next part, I’m sure you must have seen the articles online. Starship bought my contract for the sole purpose of putting me in No.Mercy to make the show more exciting." Changkyun rolls his eyes to express his thoughts about that particular idea.

"But you agreed to enter, and you _would_ have entered if it wasn't for the fact that the info got leaked and the whole thing was cancelled because of the backlash," Gunhee points out, sounding frustrated. 

Changkyun explodes without warning. "What the hell do you want me to say, hyung? Of course I agreed to join the show even if I fucking hated the idea. I wanted to debut! I still want to debut! I want to release music, I want to put out a fucking album!" 

"I didn't mean… I know you wanted to debut but it was midway through the show. There must have been another way,” Gunhee says sharply, brows knitted together in anger. 

"What way?" Changkyun grits out, aggravated, clenching his hands so tight he leaves indents in the center of his palms. "I auditioned to all of the fucking companies that I could! SM, YG, JYP, Fantagio, Cube, Big Hit, Pledis, Jellyfish, a fuck ton that you've probably never even heard of and nobody ever called me back so of course I would accept whatever shitty deal that Starship sent my way, even join a survival show, I was that desperate! And I didn't even fucking make it, Starship just dropped me as a trainee as if I was worth nothing. Well, I’m sorry if it pisses you off that I almost joined the show but guess what, it’s over! It’s over now, I’m a fucking… a fucking intern and you’re the idol. You won, Gunhee, you won. You're out there living your dream and I all I can do is watch, wishing I could be you." Breathing heavily, Changkyun rises from his seat and leaves the room in a hurry, trying to will away the tears stinging his eyes. 

"Changkyun-ah," Jooheon says, following him. A hand grabs Changkyuns wrist and pulls him back and he's ready to snarl out a warning to back off when he's suddenly pulled into Jooheon's arms in a tight hug. Changkyun stands rigidly for all of a few tense seconds before he gives up and melts into the warm embrace, feeling embarrassed by the stinging tears that fall down his face. He thought he was over this—the jealousy, regret, and shame—but it appears that he was lying to himself. Jooheon holds him up, warm hand rubbing circles into his back and Changkyun stubbornly hides his face in the crook of Jooheon’s shoulder, long fringe obscuring his view. He knows that Gunhee is a few feet away, can see his outline through the haze of tears clouding his eyes, but he doesn’t want to face him yet so he closes his eyes and clings to Jooheon. 

“Fuck,” I didn’t mean to make you cry, Chankyun-ah,” Gunhee apologizes, sounding guilty as hell. Changkyun feels a hand tentatively coming to rest on his head, fingers slowly carding through his hair to soothe him.

“I’m fine, I’m just an angry crier,” Changkyun mutters mulishly, using the sleeve of his sweatshirt to wipe his face, trying to get rid of any trace of tears.

Jooheon lets out a small laugh, squeezing him harder at the same time. “You’re really not, otherwise you’d be crying every day since we piss you off so often.”

Changkyun chuckles and steps away from Jooheon, trying to untangle himself from the older man who seemed unwilling to let him go. “I’m fine now, hyung, really.”

Gunhee’s mouth twists and he scratches his cheek half heartedly. “I’m sorry—”

Changkyun shakes his head, biting his lip. “No, let me finish. I didn’t mean to run out, I just got a little too personal. I didn’t mean to say that nor guilt trip you so I’m the one who should be sorry. That was shitty of me.”

“Hardly, you were just being honest.” Jooheon cuts in, hovering near Changkyun.

Changkyun sniffles and shakes his head, feeling stupid for losing control earlier. “Whatever, I guess I should tell you how I actually became an intern…”

“It was Jinhee’s idea, she convinced you into taking the post even though Starship wasn’t actively looking for another intern,” Gunhee answers for him instead, looking sheepish. “Noona told us, the other day. After that fan fucking tackled you. She was upset at us for alienating you even though you put yourself in danger to protect us.”

“Oh, I—” Changkyun stammers. “It’s nothing, I was just doing my job.”

“Haven’t we talked about this already? You’re not a bodyguard,” Jooheon says with a forlorn sigh, sounding defeated.

“Alright, let’s not even get into that right now. Why don’t we go back to the studio to sit? You look tired.”

Changkyun just nods and tentatively follows Jooheon back to the studio. Gunhee comes in a moment later and offers him a glass of water and Changkyun sips at it, eyes faintly stinging. “Sorry I blew up at you.”

Gunhee groans across from him. “We deserve it, Changkyun-ah. We’ve been acting like huge assholes these past couple of days. I’m not gonna sugarcoat it and say that I’m not upset that you lied, but at the same time… I didn’t even try to think about it from your point of view, I was too angry at the fact that you were lying to us from the beginning since we met you.”

“We read the articles posted online,” Jooheon admits, leaning against Gunhee’s shoulder with his eyes focused on Changkyun across from them. “We knew some of that information already, like that you’d trained somewhere else with a different group. We didn’t realize you trained for years or that you auditioned to all those places... Which is really stupid, because we watched one of the videos of you rapping for your Special K audition and I honestly don’t know why the hell you weren’t accepted to another entertainment company. You’re a really good fucking rapper.”

“Hyung, don’t bullshit me, you don’t need to lie to me because you’re sorry,” Changkyun grunts out, feeling annoyed.

“I’m not!” Jooheon insists, whining the slightest amount. “See, that’s the problem, you’re too hard on yourself, all the time.”

“Listen, we’re not lying, you’re really fucking good. Which is why I was so angry about you almost entering No.Mercy,” Gunhee admits. “If you’d entered… if you’d entered, there’s no telling who would have won between you and me.”

“Hyung…” Changkyun says, speechless. He feels heat invade his face at the praise, feeling flustered.

Jooheon laughs at his reaction, looking fond and Gunhee tries to resist but ends up smiling as well.

“I didn’t know it was so easy to make you blush. All I have to do is praise your rapping skills and you turn red like a cherry tomato,” Gunhee scoffs, looking amused.

“Shut up,” Changkyun groans, suddenly standing up. “I need some fucking coffee, this water isn’t cutting it.”

“You’re a caffeine addict, seriously,” Jooheon accuses him, but opens the door and follows after Changkyun once he leaves the room. “Can we just go out to eat? I’m kind of hungry.”

“Fine, but I’m not paying for it,” Changkyun says, digging into his pocket for his car keys.

Once they actually arrive at his car, Jooheon engages in a minor scuffle with Gunhee before he emerges victorious in the short fight and ends up riding shotgun.

“I’m not gonna lie, it’s kind of weird riding with you in the car now that I know you’re younger,” Gunhee says from the backseat, fiddling with Changkyun’s laptop.

“What the hell, leave that alone!” Changkyun cries out at a stop light, reaching to smack Gunhee in the back until Jooheon informs him that the light turned green. “Gunhee, I mean it!”

Gunhee continues clacking on the keyboard, brushing off the reprimand. “Don’t worry about it, you don’t have to hide anything. Hyungwon already told me that you like to write love songs. It’s cute and shit.”

Changkyun nearly swerves the car and has to focus extremely hard on driving. “Damn you, Hyungwon,” he curses under his breath.

Jooheon laughs at their antics. “I know what you mean, it feels kind of weird that Changkyun is younger than us. It’s mostly weird cause you’re so serious and responsible most of the time when you’re working. You act like a hyung.”

“That’s a good thing, isn’t it?” Changkyun mutters, feeling his ears go red once again. 

“Yeah, it’s a good thing,” Jooheon grins.

When they finally arrive at the restaurant, Changkyun sits in the inside of the corner booth and is not in the least surprised when Jooheon pushes Gunhee aside and slides into the seat with Changkyun, looking smug. “Both of you are losers,” Changkyun murmurs, glancing through the menu. 

“Says you. Weren’t you crying like half an hour ago?” Gunhee smirks from across the table, resting his chin on his hand.

Changkyun glares at him before he brings up the menu to hide his face.

“Sorry, he’s quite rude isn’t he?” Jooheon says. “I’ve been trying to teach him manners, but I haven’t been very successful.”

“You’re worse,” Changkyun snorts. “At least Gunhee doesn’t do aegyo whenever he tries to get out of something.”

“Not my fault it works so well,” Jooheon cackles. “Especially on Dongwoonie hyung, the sucker.”

Changkyun chuckles along and puts down the menu again, glad when he sees the server approaching. Once the food arrives, it’s mostly quiet except for Gunhee and Jooheon making occasional quips at each other. Instead of joining in, which he sometimes does, he listens to them talk while he processes the conversation from earlier, mind going round in circles.

“I just have to make sure… are you not mad anymore?” Changkyun asks during a lull in the conversation.

Jooheon and Gunhee instantly stop bickering and turn to face him. 

“It’s hard to stay mad at you, especially when we like you so much,” Jooheon tentatively says, looking slightly nervous. There’s a slight pause, as if the pair is waiting for his reaction.

“Thanks, I guess,” Changkyun replies softly, a small smile on his face. “That’s really nice of you.”

Gunhee closes his eyes and lets out an overdrawn sigh. “I told you he had no idea. He’s too oblivious.”

Jooheon glances at Changkyun in frustrated curiosity. “I thought he had to have _some _idea, I mean, we constantly follow him around. My wallpaper is a picture of us three. Then there was that time where you were acting so fucking jealous about him going out to drink with Dongwoon. I mean, I thought for sure you’d given us away.”

“I have no idea what the hell you’re talking about,” Changkyun frowns, trying to follow their cryptic conversation.

Jooheon promptly bangs his head on the table. After cursing under his breath, he turns his head to the side and sighs at Changkyun’s clueless expression. “We like you. Both of us.”

“More than a friend,” Gunhee quickly tacks on, brushing his hair back from his forehead. He doesn’t elaborate more than that, just waits silently for Changkyun’s reaction.

Changkyun feels like the wind’s been knocked out of him. His brain quickly tries to cycle through every memory from the past year or so, mind frantically to analyze every interaction that he’s ever had with Jooheon and Gunhee. And okay, knowing that they like him does help him figure out why the hell Gunhee was acting so weird about him going out drinking with Dongwoon. But still… “What? Really?” He can’t help but ask, feeling completely blindsided by the confession. 

Instead of answering, Gunhee puts some bills down at the table—enough to cover their dinner—and stands up, prompting Jooheon and Changkyun to follow him outside.

“That makes no sense,” Changkyun says, fumbling for his car keys while Gunhee leads them to the parking garage. “Aren’t you like, together?”

Gunhee lets out a strangled laugh. “Is that the only part that’s confusing you?”

Jooheon elbows him on the side. “We are together, and we also want to be with you. I mean, is that weird? I—”

“It’s not weird,” Changkyun stammers out, voice gone husky with embarrassment. “I wasn’t implying that, I just… You really like me? I’m just... your intern.”

Jooheon grins widely, dimples appearing at his apparent amusement. “You’re more than that, but I do like that you called yourself ‘ours.’”

“You know what I meant to say,” Changkyun says, finding heat travelling from his neck to his face and up to the top of his ears. 

“...You don’t look like you hate it, judging by that blush. Does that mean you’ll give us a chance?” Gunhee says, rubbing the nape of his neck. Despite the nervous action, he looked a bit smug at the flustered state that they’ve left him in after their impromptu confession.

Changkyun scoffs, the corner of his mouth lifting the slightest amount in unwilling amusement. “Oh, fuck you, don’t look so smug. I’m not a blushing virgin,” he rumbles out through peals of laughter, walking up to Jooheon and confidently cupping his hands around the unsuspecting rapper’s soft, dimpled cheeks, pulling him down to plant a hard kiss against his mouth. Jooheon freezes in shock for the tiniest moment before his arms quickly wrapped around his waist, pulling him flush against his chest. For all of his false bravado, Changkyun instantly melts into his arms, knees going weak at the soft pressure of Jooheon’s lips and tantalizing warmth of his mouth when he parts his lips.

Changkyun feels heat envelop him from the inside out and he doesn’t know why the sensation of falling into Jooheon’s arms feels so familiar, as if he’s done it a million times before, or maybe he should blame it on the fact that he’s been thinking about kissing him for so long that the action feels completely natural.

Gunhee has never been a patient man, so it doesn't surprise Changkyun in the least when he leans back to catch his breath and an errant hand cups his cheek and pulls his face to the side, enough for Gunhee to surge forward and close the gap between them. The kiss is more chaste than he thought it would be, Gunhee’s plush lips brushing against his softly, slow and careful, and it’s everything that he never knew he needed until now, until the threat of Gunhee pulling away draws forth a whine of disappointment from deep within his chest without him realizing it.

“Are you sure about that?” Gunhee teases as he steps back, sharp eyes focusing on Changkyun’s spit-slick lips and the dazed expression on his face.

“Judge me all you want, I’ve never kissed two dudes in one day,” Changkyun retorts indignantly, sounding affronted and also slightly out of breath. 

“Hm, well you know what they say, practice makes perfect,” Jooheon wisely says before he leans forward to peck his lips one more time.

Changkyun’s lips widen, growing into a pleased grin at the obviously self-serving advice before he backs away from the predatory-looking duo. “I’m not doing this in a parking garage. Come on, losers, let’s go home.” 

+

**A Year Later**

“Alright folks, if you’re just tuning in, you’re listening to Kiss The Radio with your favorite host, Ryeowook. The next song on our playlist for tonight was just recently released, a surprise but much welcome collaboration between our favorite Monsta X rappers and Starship Entertainment’s new solo artist, this is Interstellar by Gunhee, Jooheon, and I.M!”

+

“You know, I never thought to question it, but what the hell are we interning for? Like, what job are we actually training for?” Changkyun asks, grabbing a stack of towels from the table a few feet away and handing them to the idols that were currently coming in from their pre-recording stage.

Dongwoon, in the middle of helping Hoseok with adjusting his in-ears, stops mid-action. He gives Changkyun a long, blank stare, before he suddenly and very abruptly starts laughing the hardest that Changkyun’s ever seen, even more than the time that Hyungwon actually fell asleep while standing up. 

“Kid, if you don’t already know, there’s no hope for you,” Jinhee says from the sidelines, with a slight sigh.

Changkyun doesn’t figure it out until he’s handed some forms to fill out a few months later by Hongshik, who looks pretty pleased for some reason.

“You and Dongwoon are both doing really good. Dongwoon will probably be splitting his time between Monsta X and Sistar, but I’m pretty sure the group would rebel if you didn’t get assigned to manage them. Gunhee and Jooheon especially, you three are practically tied at the hip now. Of course, Dongwoon and I will take over when you’re promoting your music.”

“Makes sense, the brat can’t manage himself, can he? I’ll step in and help, too,” Jinhee pipes in, amused.

Changkyun swears he hears the sound of a record scratch. He glances at the forms and then back at Hongshik, trying to make sense of the words. “Manage… what?”

Instead of replying, the older man chuckles and pats him on the shoulder before he walks away.

“Congratulations, manager-nim,” Kihyun teases from the make-up chair, reaching for a napkin to wipe away sweat from his face. 

“Congratulations, Changkyunnie!” The rest of the group follows, enthusiastic despite just having recorded two stages back to back. 

“Now I can call you manager oppa,” Hyungwon murmurs mischievously, restraining a laugh when Changkyun turns to glare him down.

“All this time, I was interning for a manager position?” Changkyun says once again, feeling way out of the loop. 

“Yes, you dummy,” Jooheon rumbles through laughter. 

Gunhee joins in laughing before he abruptly stands up and wraps his arms around Changkyun to spin him around in celebration, causing Changkyun to flail his arms at the action. “Gunhee, put me down, you brute!” 

Once he’s finally free from the rapper’s persistent arms, he glances around at the waiting room and the room’s inhabitants, taking in the sweaty faces and the multitude of napkins, the drinks covering one of the desks, the snacks interspersed here and there, and he just sighs and puts his hands on his hips. “I guess this is my life now.”

Hoseok laughs. “You don’t sound too upset about it.”

Changkyun shrugs, and then reaches for the forms that he dropped earlier, pulling a pen from his hoodie so he can fill out paperwork. Without a word, Jooheon wraps himself around Changkyun’s back, arms circling his waist and his chin resting on his shoulder. “It’s not too bad. Could be worse,” Changkyun grins, pushing a pouting Gunhee away halfheartedly. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> <3 aaand that's a wrap.
> 
> I'm currently working on an abo Hyungwon/Wonho/Kihyun fic but I have no idea when I'll actually post the first part. Stay tuned!  
Follow me on Twitter (GrimWednesday) if you want to see me retweeting NCT and Monsta X content without ever actually posting anything myself (social anxiety ftw!) •ᴗ•


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